What We Were
by JaneIsles
Summary: Sometimes the worst moments help you do the right thing after all and they grow closer then ever before but nothing will be the same come daylight RIZZLES / NCIS x-over.
1. Boston

**A/N: So this my new NCIS/Rizzoli & Isles crossover and I hope you'll enjoy it! You know, reviews are always appreciated... they make my day go round. Let me know what you think! Btw, italics are memories or thoughts...**

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><p>'Come on, where are you?' Maura asked and walked around the counter; looking for her tortoise. She heard him walking around; probably lingering in a sunny place. He certainly enjoyed the sun more then anyone else. She put the strawberry aside and continued to cut some mango and strawberries; waiting for Jane to come over. Maura smiled to herself, thinking that this was probably not what the detective had in mind when she asked her to come over for some snacks and a bit of quiet time in the sun.<p>

It was only May and unusually hot in Boston; if she'd have to guess she'd think it was July already. She kept her windows open to have her house flooded with fresh air and bright sunlight; maybe even a bit of wind for a change but that was a hopeless wish today. Maura walked through the house and found it hard to believe that this was the same city that tortured her with endless amounts of snow and terribly ice cold nights in the winter. She dreaded these months and every time she was dragged out of her warm bed in the middle of the night whenever she was called to a crime scene at the worst of hours. She nearly shuddered at the thought of the piercing cold creeping through her clothes and the icy water soaking her shoes; she pushed the memories away and stood by the backyard door. She was used to the warmth and she had always enjoyed it; at the beginning she had missed the warm California nights a lot, but by now she actually got used to the life and the weather in Boston and the sudden hint of summer seemed like a welcome change compared to the never ending days of winter.

Maura closed her eyes and felt the sun tickling on her face; a light breeze caressing her face and she smiled. It already felt like summer and for a moment it was so quiet that she didn't feel like being in a big city like Boston; she was at the beach back in California though the sound of the sea was missing and replaced by the daily noise of Boston traffic that changed, depending on the wind.

Despite their usual amount of work, Maura felt quite relaxed which bothered her a little at the same time. She loved her job though she was grateful for a quiet day every now and then, but to her mind things just seemed a little bit too calm in Boston lately. It almost seemed like the mob, or criminals in general, had taken an early vacation. She knew it may just be a coincidence though she had indeed noticed that there less crimes committed in the last few months, compared to May the previous year which had been a very unfortunate months when the winter had stretched out its legs a bit too long.

It just made her wonder if that wasn't just the quiet before the storm.

She was lost in thoughts; looking at the beautiful flowers blossoming in the garden when she heard Bass moving.

'There you are,' she said and turned around to get the strawberry; she crouched down in front of the tortoise and held out the strawberry, waiting for Bass to take it. She knew Jane thought he was boring, most people probably did but she loved her tortoise. She had always been fascinated with these ancient animals and the fact that they did everything in slow-motion which was one of the reasons why these animals got so old. She got up and thought about it again; it wasn't exactly true that a tortoise did everything so slowly. Bass could indeed be very fast when she offered him something to eat; she laughed at the picture and looked out of the window when she heard a car approaching. She spotted the familiar Toyota Subaru in her driveway and watched Jane getting out of the car; she probably came straight from work.

As she watched the detective walking quickly and determined toward her front door, she thought that Jane was the best friend she ever had and maybe the only one. She had friends in the past and friendships that lasted longer, but there was nothing comparable to what she had with Jane. The fact that they worked together was one thing that mad their friendship so strong. In the past, her job and the irregular hours of work had always been a problem for some people. This woman, who had appeared so differently, compared to herself in the beginning that she never even dreamed of developing such a deep and passionate friendship with her; that she would one day be a very important part of her life, one that she never wanted to miss again.

Going to work every day wouldn't be the same without her; knowing that she would find a reason to come down to the morgue every now and then just to talk. Being dragged out of bed to examine a corpse at a crime scene in the middle of a terribly cold night during the winter months wasn't as half as bad, knowing that Jane would be around too. Despite everything she had gone through, she'd allowed Jane to step past the boundaries of casual friendship and it felt good to have someone that close. It felt right to have it this way and to have someone in her life who accepts her for who she is or even used to be.

She opened the door before Jane had a chance to knock and greeted her with a smile.

'What are you so happy about?' Jane asked and Maura could tell that it hadn't been quite pleasant at work and that her friend was stressed. Maura ignored the irritated tone in Jane's voice and closed the door behind her.

'You,' Maura simply answered and went into the kitchen to get Jane something to drink. She didn't know if Jane was following her and smiled at herself, knowing that she'd probably just cheered her up a little. Jane just couldn't be mad in Maura's presence, especially if it wasn't Maura's fault.

'Really?' Jane asked softly and Maura knew she was smiling without seeing it. Jane leaned against the doorframe and watched her friend.

'Yes,' Maura admitted. 'Why would I lie?'

'Because you can't,' Jane answered and laughed quietly.

'True,' Maura said and handed Jane a glass of water.

'So, what was it?' Jane asked curiously. 'You were thinking about me?'

'That's what I said,' Maura said and put the plate with the fruits on the counter and Jane approached. 'I was just thinking that I'm very lucky to have you...' Maura said and looked at her hands before she took a piece of mango. Jane believed her and she was quite touched by that, but she just couldn't handle all the emotional stuff and Maura knew that.

'This is... so...,' Jane said and was trying to find the right word.

'Sweet?' Maura tried to help her out.

'Yes,' Jane said. 'It is very sweet, thank you,' she said and smiled at Maura.

'What would I do without you?' Jane said and took a strawberry from the plate.

'Oh I can think of quite a few things...'

'Like... what?'

'You'd probably be eating something unhealthy right now...' Maura said and pointed at the fruit; Jane laughed and took another one.

'You wouldn't know how to relax,' Maura said and thought of all the things she improved in Jane's life.

'Before I learn to relax during Yoga class, I'll have a couple of broken bones...' Jane threw in.

'You'd still wear your shoes to bed, drink to much coffee and-'

'Okay, okay, okay...' Jane said and raised her hands. 'Thank you, I get the picture.'

Maura laughed. 'How was work?' she asked; she hadn't been in all day and it felt a little weird not to know what was happening at the BPD.

'Quiet,' Jane said.

'Isn't that nice for a change?'

'It was boring,' Jane said and rolled her eyes. 'Been doing paperwork most of the time...'

Maura smiled at her; she knew how much Jane dreaded the paperwork and she also knew that it probably had been due about six months ago.

'Well, it has to be done some day...' Maura said.

'Says the one whose paperwork is always perfectly on time,' Jane answered. 'I had loads to do...'

'I wonder why,' Maura said and turned around.

'Hey!'

'You know it's true, Jane,' she said and leaned against the counter. 'Let's go to the garden and enjoy the sun while we still can,' she said and Jane followed her. Just because it is sunny in May doesn't mean it's still sunny in June when it was supposed to be summer.

'You heard anything from Agent Dean recently?' Maura asked when they sat down and she could tell that the question surprised her friend.

'Why would you ask that?' Jane asked and was confused for a second, she hadn't expected a question like this. She'd been trying to forget about him ever since he left.

'I was just curious...' Maura said and tried to look innocent. 'You kissed him...'

'Yes... so what?'

'Come on, Jane. You liked him!'

'So did you!' Jane reminded her. 'You said he was sexy.'

'He really liked you, Jane.'

'Well, he is in D.C. so... no,' Jane said and shook her hand. 'No... just, no.'

Maura laughed when she watched her best friend. She always considered herself as a rather complicated person but Jane was even worse when it came to relationships or even dating guys. She was always afraid of being hurt or trust other people enough to let them come close enough. Maura never thought that Jane didn't want it; she probably just couldn't do it and considering all the things she'd been through Maura couldn't even blame her.

'What's so funny now?' Jane asked and demanded an answer.

'Jorge...' was all Maura said and both women laughed.

'I still didn't forgive you for that!' Jane said and raised her finger at Maura. Ever since Maura's failed attempt to hook her up with Nurse Jorge they laughed about it though it hadn't been particularly funny when he kept sending hundreds of emails and humiliating little poems along with flowers and if that hadn't been bed enough, he sent it to the BPD for everyone to see.

Maura just kept laughing and Jane asked:'Did you actually tell him I was gay?'

Maura stopped laughing and took a deep breath; she shrugged and sipped her water. 'Sort of,' she admitted. 'I may have giving him a few hints to indicate that...'

'Thank you,' Jane said sarcastically but Maura knew it wouldn't last long.

'Would that be so bad?' Maura wanted to know and Jane didn't miss the more serious sound of that question. Jane took a few seconds to answer.

'I don't know...' she said and her right index finger traced the edge of her water glass while she tried to answer Maura's question. 'I never really thought about it...' she said and shrugged.

'Yeah,' Maura said and looked at the flowers in the distance; they both noticed the change in the conversation. They never really talked about it; not seriously. Actually, there's nothing bad about and Maura always thought that it shouldn't be a problem to talk about it with your best friend, but it somehow seemed to be something that made them uncomfortable for some reason. It always seemed like they both wanted to talk about it while they tried to avoid it at the same time. Maura knew that this behavior often happened when at least one person is actually trying to deal with the subject they were attempting to address. It shouldn't be a problem, unless... Unless, what?

It was the truth, Maura had actually never given it much of a thought.

'Neither did I,' Maura admitted and looked at Jane; one thing she did notice was the way they treated each other and a stranger might even think that there's more then just friendship. Jane always had an excuse for going to the morgue to see her; so did Maura. They always touched each other and it seemed

so familiar and appreciated that you might get the impression that there's more to it.

'I mean...' Jane said and threw her hands in the air. 'There's my mum, trying to hook me up with some guys...' she said and Maura laughed at the hint of desperation in her voice.

'Maybe we should try speed-dating again instead,' Maura said and finished her drink.

'Oh God, please...' Jane said and leaned back in her chair. 'Don't remind me of that.'

The whole thing had been a disaster and though they laughed about it now, it was actually pretty frustrating at that time. Except for one person, they'd all been pretty weird or boring and didn't get Jane's attention at all. Jane had to admit that this person was sitting right beside her at this very moment, it seemed a little weird but it was the truth. After many failed speed-dates, Jane had been glad to sit down with Maura; to look into her eyes, listen to her and hear her laughing about he dates. She cared about her very much and she was the best that happened to Jane this evening though she didn't actually count as one of her 'speed-dates'.

'You want another drink?' Maura asked and took the drink from Jane without waiting for an answer; Jane followed her into the kitchen. She watched Maura cutting up some fresh lemons; lost in thoughts.

'Hey,' Jane suddenly said when she realized that Maura stopped cutting; her eyes fixed on a small point on the right to her. She looked a little irritated and the sudden change of her mood worried her a little.

'It's...' Maura said and tried to focus on the question. 'It's fine,' she cleared her throat and took a deep breath; she knew the detective was now watching her, looking for any sign that might indicate that something was wrong or maybe even what was wrong. She felt Jane's eyes on her, but she tried hard to ignore it and prepared their drinks like nothing happened. She completely forgot about the little calendar she always kept on the counter and she didn't realize what date it was; well actually she did now what day of the month it was but she hadn't really understood what that actually meant.

It was the 20th of May; when she got up this morning it felt like any other day. Nothing special about that but now that she re-considered it, it made her feel... nervous? She couldn't quite say how it made her feel, maybe even sad. It's been the same thing every year around that time.

_'NCIS Special Agent killed by terrorist.'_

'You... you look... sad,' Jane said and reached across the counter to cover her friend's hand with her own.

'I'm fine, Jane,' Maura said and smiled at her friend. 'Really, I was just confused for a second.' Jane looked at her for a couple of seconds and Maura knew she didn't believe her. She always said she couldn't lie, but somethings it was necessary to protect herself; even from the person she trusted with all her heart.

The sound of Jane's mobile announced an incoming call by her mother and she rolled her eyes before answering to the it.

'What is it, mum?' Jane asked and Maura watched her. She always seemed so annoyed by her mother, but actually she loved her mother to death. For Maura it was fun to watch the Rizzoli family interacting. There was lots of teasing and even lots of yelling but it was actually a bad thing. That was probably just who they were and Maura knew they'd stick together when it was necessary; even for her and she couldn't be more grateful for that. She had to admit that it also made her feel a little jealous because it reminded her all of all the things she didn't have or didn't have any longer.

'Really?' Jane asked and laid her hand on her forehead, closing her yes for a second. Jane could really be adorable when her mum was driving her crazy. 'Yes... Oh, come on! Yes, I'll be there... see ya!' Jane said and sighed. 'I gotta go and pick up my mum.'

'Is she alright?' Maura asked.

'So far, yes,' Jane said and Maura knew that Angela wasn't really in danger; it was just Jane being mad at her mother for some reason. 'Something with my dad... don't ask,' Jane said and put her mobile in her pocket.

'I'll call you later, Maur,' Jane said and Maura watched her car as it left her street. She closed the front door and went back to the kitchen to clean up. There wasn't much to do, but she took her time. Only a couple of minutes ago everything was fine and all it took to confused the usually level-headed Dr. Isles was a single memory.


	2. Washington DC

**A/N: I hope you'll enjoy reading this story as much as I enjoy writing it. It's very nice to write such a different thing compared to my last Rizzoli & Isles story!**

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><p>'Stop that!' she said for the third time and look at him over the edge of the computer screen. Tony knew that Ziva was pissed off by his behavior but he enjoyed teasing her way too much to stop. He leaned back in his chair; hands on the back of his head and his legs crossed. He knew just from the look on her face that the teasing grin on his lips made her want to throw something at her partner.<p>

'What?' he asked innocently and laughed.

'You know exactly what I'm talking about,' Ziva said and got up from her chair; Tony immediately sat straight up in his own chair, never loosing her out of view, ready for any kind of attack she was about to launch against him.

With the time he'd learned not to underestimate Probationary Special Agent Ziva David; it wasn't that he didn't like her, he was just bored rigid and Gibbs wasn't around to slap some sense into him while he walked by. At the beginning Tony had enjoyed it; leaning back and doing nothing for a while until it actually started to bore him.

_But where exactly is Gibbs? _He thought and Ziva returned to her desk; she knew that Tony's eyes were watching her until she sat down, safely hidden behind her computer.

'You're worse then any 5-year old,' she said.

'Since when do you know anything about kids?'

'First you bother everyone and then you run away,' she said and Tony smiled.

They weren't working an actual case at the moment but Tony knew it was just a matter of time until there'd be a dead marine somewhere to keep them busy. He pulled himself closer to his desk and woke his computer with moving the mouse slightly. There was nothing new either and he probably should've known it. For a moment he considered sending an email to Ziva, but dropped the thought for the better. He sighed and asked himself why they were sitting there, while they could as well be... doing what exactly?

He knew his boss long enough to suspect that something was going on; something he didn't bother to share yet. With any other agent he would've wasted his time with trying to get some information but he wouldn't dare to cross that line with Gibbs.

'What now?' Ziva asked and Tony hadn't realized that she was watching him. It seemed a little weird to her that he was so quiet all of sudden, something told her that he was up to something.

'Nothing,' he said and leaned back in his chair ad Ziva raised an eyebrow at him. 'Why the hell are we stuck here?'

'Because that's our job,' Ziva reminded him.

'Yeah, but I could as well be somewhere else... somewhere more entertaining and wait for a a case...'

'Sure.'

'Where's Gibbs anyways?' her asked more to himself.

'Probably at home, working on his boat...' Ziva said. Tony could actually picture him doing that the moment they were talking about it.

In the past Gibbs had always used the physical work as a distraction. He hid in his basement, trying to ignore one of his ex-wives; trying to forget about everyone and everything and especially to think about something that troubled him. Be it the death of an NCIS Agent or a case that was yet unknown to Tony.

'And where the hell is McGee? Where is everyone?' he asked and threw his hands in the air.

'Last time I saw him he was in the lab talking to Abby about some new computer technique,' she informed him. 'Don't ask.'

'Interesting,' he said and the tone of his voice couldn't be less caring; Ziva laughed.

'At least he's got something to do,' she reminded him and watched him getting up from his chair.

'Where are you going?'

'Trying to find something to do,' he said and headed toward the elevator; Ziva watched him leaving until he was out of sight and shook her head in silence.

As soon as he stepped out of the elevator and into the morgue, everything around him changed. The air was cold but it wasn't the kind of cold you'd like on a warm summer days. It was quiet but he knew Ducky was there; probably performing an autopsy on a guy they'd found a couple of days ago. He was a member of a local drug gang though he was certainly quite useless since he was already dead by the time they found him.

_'And what the hell am I doing here?' _he asked himself; knowing that Ducky would have one or two things to say but Tony wasn't really in the mood for one of his never-ending stories either. He entered the autopsy room and was greeted with a foul smell released when Ducky had opened the chest with a Y-incision.

'Tony,' he said with a bit of a surprise when he looked up from the corpse. Judging by the tone of his voice they could as well be talking over a cup of coffee and not over a dead body whose chest was gaping open; probably nothing but an empty cavity by now.

'To what do I owe you the honor of your visit?' he asked and Tony kept a safe distance between him and the autopsy table- He'd never had a problem with autopsies itself but with the smell of death and decay that he wouldn't get out of his mind, or his clothes, should he stay any longer.

'Nothing actually,' he said and turned around, snagging a mag from the stack that Ducky kept on a table next to the door.

_'Forensic Medicine' _was printed on the cover and Tony asked himself if that was really that right thing to keep himself entertained but since he had no other options in store it was better then nothing at all.

'That was quick,' Ziva said and looked at him again.

'What are you actually doing there?' he wanted to know.

'Nothing that should concern you,' she answered and focused her attention on the screen in front of her. He took a deep breath and looked at the cover of _Forensic Medicine._

'That's gonna be interesting,' he whispered to himself and started flipping the pages. It had quite a lot of pages compared to other magazines and was probably terribly expensive just like any of these specialized mags. While he flipped through it, he scanned each page and headline for something that might cause a little bit of interest.

'Sounds boring...' he whispered to himself and Ziva heard the sound of pages being turned. 'Too much text... Too many dead bodies... that looks gross!' he said and there was yet more page-turning.

'Don't care... bor-' Ziva looked at her partner again because he'd stopped talking before finishing the sentence and he kept staring at something in front of him. Something had actually caught his interest but Ziva couldn't say if that was it; for a moment he seemed confused.

'Found something?' she wanted to know.

'I might have,' he whispered after a couple of seconds and checked the date on the front page of the mag; it said 'April 2011.'

_'Young woman still alive in the morgue after being declared dead by officials.'_

It wasn't the terrifying imagination of the poor woman being in the dead fridge for hours until someone actually realized that she wasn't dead or the fact that the 'dead woman' was brought to the local hospital where she ended up taking hostages with one of the hostages being a cop or the fact that the aforementioned woman was killed in order to save the hostages that caught his interest.

It was the image of the assigned ME at the bottom of the article that made him hold his breath for a moment. He read the caption that said:

_'Dr. Maura Isles, Medical Examiner with the Boston Police Department.'_

_'This can't be true,'_ he thought and shook his head. The woman in the picture was a beautiful woman, maybe in her mid-thirties, wearing a black shirt and a white lab coat. Her blonde hair fell loosely on her shoulders. He felt a wave of emotions rushing through his body; something that hadn't happened to him in the last six years. He looked into her eyes and asked himself how many times he'd seen these eyes glaring at him over the edge of her computer screen where Ziva sat now. Despite the blonde hair, the woman was a striking image of Special Agent Caitlin Todd.

'_Kate,'_ he thought and closed his eyes for a second. He'd tried to forget about her all those years. He had missed her for quite a long time after she was gone and he didn't remember how much he actually missed her, until now. He couldn't believe it but he couldn't take his eyes off the picture either; maybe it was just coincidence.

'There's no such thing as coincidence,' he heard Gibbs' voice in his head. What else should it be?

The picture of the Medical Examiner brought some memories back; he leaned back in his chair with the mag in his hand.

Some things ha never left him since the day Kate died. The question 'what if?' was something that had tortured him for a pretty long time; it was gone when he stopped thinking of her any longer, but it never left entirely.

What if it was him instead of Kate? They should've seen it coming; they should've known.

_'Yeah, how's the president?' _had been the very first thing he'd said to Secret Service Agent Caitlin Todd on an Air Force One plane.

_'He's fine,_' she'd answered and he'd known right from the beginning that she wouldn't back off until the case was solved. Kate had not been too happy to have them at the crime scene, he could tell from the way she behaved, they way she'd talked to them.

He'd called her _'Secret Service Chick' _and by the time she'd told them that the only reason why she didn't shoot them was that she'd wanted to avoid further delay, Tony had known that Kate wasn't one of these women who'd accept an apology with a bunch of pretty flowers, she'd been more likely to throw the flowers straight back into your face.

A sad smile crossed his lips and he was taken back to the present when his boss called his name an the sound of his voice indicated that it wasn't the first time he'd called him.

'DiNozzo!'

'Yes boss,' he answered and cleared his throat. Gibbs hadn't missed the confusion on Tony's face and the fact that he was obviously hiding something but he ignored it for now.

'I need you to check something for me,' Gibbs said and walked off; Tony quickly put the mag in one of the drawers and followed his boss.

Three days later he climbed up the stairs, feeling his body slowing down with every step he took. He hadn't been on the roof for the last six years exactly. It was the 24th of May and it had been exactly six years ago since Kate died here. He'd never been someone to simply walk away, but stepping into the chilling morning breeze that announced yet another sunny day, seemed harder then he ever imagined.

They'd stepped onto the roof with a warning but neither one had paid attention when they prepared their guns.

_'Shooter!' he heard Kate screamed and when DiNozzo turned around he saw Kate running toward them to catch the bullet; saving Gibbs' life. _

It all happened so fast, Tony thought. He walked on the roof slowly and looked at the spot where Kate had stood.

_Why did no one see it coming?_

He took a few more steps to the center and though there was nothing that appeared to be unusual, he knew that this was the spot where Kate had died.

_Tony and Gibbs shot the shooter._

_'Kate?' Tony asked and was the first one to reach her; Gibbs crouched down beside her._

_'You okay?' Tony asked when they found the bullet in the bullet-proof vest she was wearing._

_'Ouch,' she said and opened her eyes; they'd made jokes when they helped her back to her feet and she stood between Gibbs and Tony. _

Tony stopped on the same spot where he stood when Kate was killed; it felt weird to be there and it made him think of all those things that had changed since Kate died. It was the usual thing, people thinking of all the things that they wanted to say to another person but never did and now it was too late. He shook his head and felt the morning breeze on his face.

_'Protection detail's over Kate,' Gibbs said. _

_'You did good,' Tony said and Kate looked at him with an expression of surprise on her face. _

_'For once DiNozzo's right,' Gibbs agreed._

_'Wow... I thought I'd die before I ever heard a comp-' she said when the sound of a gunshot appeared and Kate died less then a second later._

They were joking, Tony thought and shook his head again. He walked to the edge of the roof and sat down, looking at the spot where he just stood. Kate was right, it'd probably been the only compliment he ever made her and he really meant it; he regretted that he didn't do it more often. His elbows rested on his knees and he stared into the air.

He liked Kate; he liked her a lot but he never told her so. He had no idea if she suspected something or if she even felt the same way but instead of being brave enough to act like a grown-up man he wasted his time with teasing her until it was too late. He admired her strength and the way she worked; she was a wonderful person and he highly respected her though it mightn't have looked like it most of the time. He never seriously tried to ask her out on a date; he was secretly afraid she'd turn him down.

_'Never date a co-worker,'_ he heard Gibbs again; it might've been one of the reasons why he didn't do it but it wasn't the only.

He closed his eyes and once again heard the gunshot that killed her; though he was shell-shocked the first second, he'd never forget what happened in the seconds after Kate's death. He still felt her warm blood splatter his face; he could still smell it, feel it sticking to his face. The second the blood hit his face it felt like iron piercing through his skin. He'd looked at Kate laying by his feet, a pool of blood beneath her head and a entrance wound on her forehead; her eyes were open and eerily empty. He'd turned his head to the direction of the shot, by then he hadn't understood what had just happened.

He heard the door at the other side of the roof, but he didn't bother to look who it was.

'It's been a long time,' he heard Gibbs asking quietly when he approached.

'I know,' was all Tony said.

'You miss her?' Gibbs asked.

'Never thought I would...' he answered and Gibbs understood; there was nothing funny in his voice when he laughed.

'She was great,' Gibbs said and sat down next to him. 'I knew there was something...' he said and Tony nodded.

'Wanna tell me?' Gibbs asked and Tony knew he was talked about three days ago when Tony was lost in thoughts.

'I found this in one of Ducky's magazines,' he said and pulled the page out of his pocket and handed it to Gibbs who still hesitated. 'It was the April 2011 issue,' he explained and moved his hand so Gibbs would open the folded page and looked into Kate's face; or so he thought.


	3. Sunday

**A/N: Sorry it took so long but I have finals coming up, but I managed to squeeze this in between everything boring xD**

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><p><span>Boston:<span>

_2.37am._

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes again. It was far too early to be dragged out of her warm bed; her body was still stiff from sleep and it felt like she'd just closed her eyes when her mobile rang and forced her to abandon dreamland in exchange with the bittersweet reality.

Maura forced herself to open her eyes and rolled on her side, her feet leaving the warm covers first. She sit upright and wiped the sleep out of her eyes. The view in front of the window wasn't too helpful to decide which clothes to put on, it was too dark to tell whether it would be a warm or a cold day but judging by the previous heatwave that slowed the city down during the day she was pretty certain that it would be another one of those days.

Maura got dressed in silence and thought of Jane. She didn't sound too happy when she woke Maura and the ME was pretty sure her friend will be quite moody until they get something to work on; she wasn't too happy but she didn't complain either. It was her job after all, it's what she chose to do. Jane kept it short and all Maura knew was that there's a dead body that was patiently waiting for Maura's attention.

She glanced at her watch and considered getting a cup of coffee before she left the house but decided that it would only slow things down; they were waiting for her and then go straight back to bed or do whatever needed to be done. She'd scribbled the address on a piece of paper that she always kept on her nightstand, just in case. She'd learned that it usually comes in quite handy when the sound of your cell phone makes you start from your sleep and it usually takes a couple of seconds to remember where you are; trying to keep an address in mind at the same time would be a stupid thing to do.

She walked toward her car and the neighborhood was deadly quiet so early in the morning. She didn't even hear a bird singing or a dog barking in the distance.

_Has it always been this way and she never noticed? _What she could tell for sure was that she felt safe where she was. She liked her neighborhood and there was never any trouble with her neighbors, if not she was the only one causing them trouble because her car was the only thing that made some noise at any given time, whenever she was about to leave for yet another crime scene. It was a peaceful part of the town with nice houses and neatly trimmed front yards.

_What do they think about me? _Maura thought when she left her street. She couldn't really tell. _What do they think whenever they hear me leaving at the most unusual hours? Some of them might not even know what kind of job I have. Do they even know how many crimes happen in Boston every day? _She thought that some people might not even be aware of the fact how cruel the reality actually is and that the truth is not always what it seems.

Everything always seems to be fine for the people living in those wonderful house with their beautiful flowers and their porch swings.

_They have no idea,_ Maura thought. Sometimes it's probably easier to ignore the bitter truth and hide behind a beautiful picture. She took a deep breath and turned left.

They obviously found a body by the Revere Beach, that's all she knew and she remembered that it's not far from where Jane grew up. She knew exactly how to get there and in the end she thought that it might not even have been necessary to write down the address in the first place. Maura was grateful that it was Sunday morning and that hardly anyone decided it was wiser to stay in bed instead of drive on the streets of Boston which gave her the chance to speed things up a little to get to the crime scene as fast as possible.

_She felt the sand giving away beneath her feet when she walked along the beach. The wind was strong; the sea quite rough but she enjoyed the cold, salty air on her face. It was sunny and the sea had a wonderful light color and the sky was cloudless. It would've been a lovely day if it hadn't been for the dead body in the middle of the beautiful scenario._

_She took the photos of the victim when he arrived. _

"_I'll take the photos," Gibbs said._

"_Tony told me what to do!"_

"_Tony doesn't tell you what to do, I do," he said and Kate got up and Gibbs took the camera from her. She ran along the beach after taking orders from her boss while Tony was busy getting the reporters phone number. _

Maura rolled down the window as she approached to the crime scene, feeling the cold wind on her face. She noticed the way the air seemed to changed, it smelled salty in some way. It was nothing compared the smell of the sea she'd memorized in California but there was something different, she thought. For one second she even thought she heard the water. It didn't sound like waves crushing on rocks or reaching the sandy beach. It was more of a sloshing sound; the way it sounds when you try to carry a large bowl of water, trying your best not to spill it. She slowed down when she spotted the first police cruisers and cops waiting for God knows what. She parked her car next to Jane's and mentally prepared herself for whatever was about to come if that was actually possible.

She flashed her badge at the officer though they all knew who she is. While she walked toward the beach she mentally slapped herself on the shoulder for not wearing high heels when she felt the sand giving away beneath her feet. Jane was crouched down next to the body and looked up when she saw Maura walking toward her; a brief smiled crossed her lips and Maura granted herself a few seconds to watch her; ignoring the cruel circumstances. Her face was lit up by artificial light but her curls were flying in the wind; she looked tired but Maura knew she was happy that she was there. Being with Jane made her feel good no matter what the circumstances were. She never gave it much of a thought but it was the truth. She felt good when she watched a movie with Jane, whenever they chatted at work and even when they meet at a crime scene around 3am on a Sunday morning; working a crime scene. Maura closed her eyes and took a deep breath; she cleared her throat when she realized that she'd stopped walking and everyone was probably watching her.

"Don't tell me you're wearing high heels?" Jane said without looking up from the corpse and Maura caught the sound of amusement in the question.

"You should know me better," Maura said when she put the gloves on.

"That's why I'm asking," Jane said and smiled at Maura; she laughed.

"What have we got?" Maura asked and looked at the body in front of her.

_Male. Probably in his twenties. _Except for the dark spot on his shirt there seemed nothing unusual about the body. Nothing besides the fact that he was dead. He didn't stay in the water for long, judging by the look of his skin.

"Young couple over there found the body," and pointed to the direction of two teenagers who looked pretty scared, they were just questioned by Frost. 'They didn't see anyone or heard anything,' Jane said.

"Poor kids just wanted to take a walk and found a dead body," Maura said.

"Yeah, sure," Jane said. "Take a walk..."

"What else would you..." Maura started and stopped when she realized what Jane was talking about. "Right."

"What did you do by the beach at night?" Jane asked and raised an eyebrow at her; smiling.

"I didn't go to the beach at night..." she said. "Well, what _did _you do?"

"I don't think you wanna know that doc..." Jane said and laughed.

"No." The truth was that she didn't want to know about because it suddenly made her feel a little jealous which surprised her at the same time. The thought of her best friend making out at the beach at night with some random guy shouldn't actually bother her since it was years ago and none of her business, wasn't it? Somehow Maura thought it was her business; a part of her wanted it to be. She held on a second because she felt stupid and had no right to think about it that way. It was nothing that she should care about, as hard as it may seem.

"What do you think?" Jane asked and Maura knew it was more of a rhetorical question. It sounded like a classical hit and run. A quick death, no witnesses at that time of the day and no suspects.

"I'll let you know when I had a proper look at him," Maura said and started to examine the body as careful as possible so she wouldn't destroy any possible evidence.

"Okay," Jane answered and Maura carefully lifted his shirt and shook her head.

"What is it?" Jane asked, suddenly alert.

"I was just asking myself why people do that," she explained and Jane waited for more. "Run around and randomly shoot another human being and then just leave him here."

"Maybe because these people are crazy?" Jane suggested.

"There's always a motive, no matter how simple," Maura said without looking up from the body. "There's the gunshot wound to the chest," Maura said.

"Yeah, that's what I thought," Jane said and Maura rolled her eyes at her.

"He most certainly died within the last twenty-four hours," Maura said. "ID?"

"Nothing yet,"Jane said and shook her head. "Wallet's missing and the kids over there say they've never seen him before."

"Rizzoli?" Frost called out and Jane got up, leaving Maura with the body. Maura turned around to make sure Jane didn't watch her. There was something that bothered her since the first moment she saw the body; she wanted to see it for herself before showing that to anyone else. She carefully took the boy's hand and turned it around to expose his wrist to the light.

She held her breath for a moment and looked at the tattoo for a few seconds. There was something about the tattoo that bothered her somehow but she couldn't quite tell. She kept looking at it, trying to figure out was was so odd about it.

"A rose?" Jane asked and Maura frightened for a second, she didn't hear Jane returning. "Sorry."

"Yes," Maura whispered and touched the tattoo carefully. It wasn't the image that made her think twice but the fact that the tattoo had been done recently without much care. If she wasn't mistaken, this tattoo was probably added post-mortem.

"Let's take the body to the morgue so I can have a proper look at it in the morning," Maura said. "When there's actually day light."

Maura stood up and waited next to Jane. She stared into the distance and said:"I used to come her as a child."

"It seems to be a nice place," Maura said.

"You've never been here before?"

"No, I didn't," Maura answered and Jane shook her head; she turned around. "Let's go and get some coffee," she said and Maura followed her back to her car.

Washington:

Tony entered his apartment in silence and dropped the keys on the table before he switched on the lights. It was late, maybe even early; that was merely a point of view. He wasn't a person who wasted thoughts on things that have been, things that you can change any more but today seemed different and it actually mattered to him more then he ever admitted.

They didn't talk when he handed his boss the mag; Gibbs just looked at the picture of a woman they thought was their deceased colleague Kate. What was he thinking? Was he confused or surprised? He couldn't tell and he knew better then to ask at that moment. They just sat there un silence and he watched his boss reading the article; he put the in the inside pocket of his jacket and stood up to leave and Tony followed him without another word.

This wasn't the right place, he thought when he took the orange juice out of the fridge. To remember Kate at the place she died didn't feel like the right thing. He was tired and they probably had a long day ahead tomorrow but he didn't feel like going to bed yet. He sat down on the couch and stared at his flat screen tv but didn't switch it on.

"_I did work for the Secret Service!" she explained and Tony listened, a smile on his face. "We tend to get all hot and bothered over large sums of $100 bills."_

"_Is that what does it for you?" Tony asked mockingly._

"_What does it for me Tony, is a mystery, that you will never solve!" she said and Gibbs rolled his eyes at the two of them. _

"_Why do I feel like a high school principal?" he asked more to himself and no one dared to comment on that._

He sipped his orange juice and smiled at the memory. At that time he didn't want to know that his behavior was rather childish and he liked to believe that this was the way he is until he realized that it is not true but it was easier to hide behind it. He was confronted with the dead on an almost daily basis and after a while it even seemed normal to him; it's a part of his job but he never gave it much of a thought. I was their job to figure out why and how a person was killed to find the person who did it but he never really thought of the impact that a death had on a person's life. Tony knew that, with looking back at the last few years, he'd grown up in some way. It wasn't the same any longer and it never will be the same again; that was the truth he had to life with and it was fine until something reminds you of the things that have been, making you question it all over again.

_What would I really tell her? _He thought. _If I had the chance to talk to Kate again, what would I say?_ He thought about it for a while and he tried to be honest with himself. Only one more time and he'd try his best to be honest with her.

He would tell her that he liked her, as a partner and a colleague. Maybe even as a friend; though they hadn't been that close for some reasons there was some kind of bond between them. He would tell her that he liked it and that he enjoyed working with her and that he respected her and her job. She was a great agent, he knew that. He always had.

_Would I apologize? _He tried to find things to apologize for and smiled to himself. _For being such a childish pain in the ass?_ He could actually hear Kate laughing in his face right now. Was that all? During their time together he'd spent his time mocking her, making comments about her appearance; they way she talked or the way she did things but did he ever tell her that he thought she was beautiful?

The only compliment he ever made her was the last thing he said to her before she died, but there's been so much more that was left to say.

Boston:

She didn't know if the coffee was such a good idea since she intended to go back to bed for at least a little while when she got home. It felt good to sit down with Jane and have a coffee at the beach while it was still dark and Maura didn't remember the last time she'd done this and it was most certainly her first time with Jane. She smiled to herself; the wind on her face didn't seem that chilly any longer. It seemed like such a simple thing to sit down with your friend and have something to drink at an abandoned beach early in the morning with nothing to care about. They completely ignored the case for a while and everything was fine. Now that she was on her way home, Maura thought of the last time they'd been together. It was only a couple of hours away and she'd dropped by at Maura's house to watch a movie and have dinner. Maura always loved Friday evenings though she didn't always appreciate Jane's preferred choice of movies but she didn't mind as long as she was with Jane and she liked the feeling on falling asleep in her arms while watching the movie.

_That's not the only thing,_ Maura thought. It's been bothering her for a while though bothering was certainly the wrong word. It kept her thinking, maybe even left her a little surprised. From the first day she met Jane, she felt save in her presence but now she realized that it isn't the only thing Jane made her feel.

She made Maura feel relaxed and maybe even nervous. _Did she realize?_ Maura asked herself by the time she turned and the familiar street that she called her home appeared in front of her. What Maura noticed was that it suddenly seemed a little awkward. She was snuggled in Jane's arms, the movie was over but no one moved. She realized that her friend's body was tensed and that no one dared to move; she always thought that people only did that when they were afraid of the things that might happen next. She was aware of the tension but tried her best to ignore it for the night. She always hated the moment when it was over; the first seconds always felt terribly awkward. She didn't want Jane to leave, she wanted her to stay and listen to her all night until she fell asleep. A part of her knew that Jane didn't want to leave either but she would never say it.

The sunrise had started already and the street was covered in a beautiful orange light, promising yet another cloudless summer day. When she walked toward her front door she saw something in her doorstep, for a second she thought of Jane and smiled until she realized that it was ridiculous and impossible for her to have been here before Maura. _Why would she do that?_ She knew that Jane wasn't that kind of person to leave flowers on her doorstep.

Or a single flower for that matter.

Maura looked at the red rose and crouched down to pick it up. It was beautiful and she touched the smooth petals, the deep red color was astounding. Who would do that? There was nothing else, no note attached to it. She tried to think of all the people who might rejoice her with it until she realized that it may be something she didn't want to know. She took a deep breath, the pressure on her chest increasing. She looked around, the street was still deserted. It may be ridiculous but she felt the blood rushing in her ears, alert to everything that might change around her. She turned around one last time before she opened the front door and stepped inside her house; listening carefully.

_Maybe I should call Jane,_ she thought when she entered the kitchen and put the rose in a vase with the other flowers she kept there. She looked at the calendar on the counter and held her breath for a second; she was tired and her mind felt somewhat clouded and she knew it was ridiculous.

_It was May 24__th__._

_It's probably just a coincidence, _she told herself as she walked through every room to make sure everything was the way it should be and only then did she allow herself to rest.


	4. Someone like You

_Boston:_

She closed her eyes one last time and felt her heart pounding against her chest. She lost track of how many times her sleep was disturbed by the fear that kept her body from sleeping soundly. It felt weird, because Maura knew there was no reason to be afraid. Afraid of what was the question? The sunlight shone through the thick curtains and she listened to the distant traffic of Boston that just started to come alive.

It was 8.44am; she'd been to bed for less than four hours and she knew this would be a very long day. It was Sunday and she usually didn't work on Sundays though you could never be sure of what the day would bring. She took a deep breath and put the covers aside; exposing her warm body to the morning chill. Her skin and her nightdress were damp with sweat and every part of her tired body seemed stiff. She sat down on the edge of the bed and listened; there was nothing but silence in the house and she didn't know whether it was something to soothe her or gave her a reason to worry.

The lack of sleep made her feel light-headed and she slowly made her way to the kitchen to get a cup of fresh coffee; she dreaded what lay ahead, what'd await her at work tomorrow morning. There was at least one autopsy that needed to be done and something told her that it wasn't the only one. The guy from the beach was patiently awaiting her attention and she certainly wouldn't grant him that today; it was Sunday and she'd do everything she can to ignore him until she was back at work. It wasn't easy to find sleep a few hours ago though she'd made sure that everything was the way it should've been when she returned from the crime scene; something she usually did before she went to bed. She wasn't paranoid, but previous incidents and experience had taught her that it sometimes appeared necessary and it was merely a matter of precaution that soon became a part of her daily routine. She felt weak and sleepy when she poured herself a cup of hot coffee a couple of minutes later and enjoyed the smell; she sipped it carefully and spotted the red rose in the vase. She'd put it in the vase with the other flowers when she entered the house earlier. It made her feel uneasy and she still had no idea where it came from; maybe someone wanted to surprise her. It was always possible but then again she had no idea who that could've been. She felt a sudden urge to call Jane; knowing that she'd possibly kill her. It was around 9am on a Sunday and Jane would certainly be asleep, if she wasn't working on the new case.

Maura shrugged it off and returned to her bedroom with the cup of coffee in her hand; although it was pretty hot outside already she welcomed the warmth of the coffee spreading inside of her. She forced herself not to think of the case which appeared more difficult then she thought it would be and all she ended up thinking about was Jane. She wanted to go back to sleep and stay there until she felt well rested, but she hated waking up alone. It's been years since she woke up with someone else's arms wrapped protectively around her body. She missed the feeling of not being lonely and the feeling of being held so much that it actually hurt. She reached for her cell and dialed Janes number. While she waited for her to pick up, she began to feel little guilty. She bit her lip and counted the seconds it took Jane to pick up. Either she was busy with something or she was still asleep; before Maura had the chance to make up her mind and end the call, Jane picked up.

"Rizzoli?" Jane said sleepily and Maura bit her lip.

"Sorry I woke you up..." Maura said and meant it; she suddenly felt stupid. Was there anything she wanted to talk about? She had no idea why she called Jane, but did she really need a reason to call her best friend? She simply wanted to; she needed to hear the detectives voice and for her that suddenly was enough.

"Oh, no... that's... that's okay," Jane said and Maura closed her eyes for a second; she way trying to find something to say. Jane sat upright in her bed and wiped the sleep from her eyes.

"What is it, Maur?" Jane asked. Was there a trace of worry in her voice? Maura couldn't tell and the last thing she needed was Jane being suspicious over nothing while she had enough to take care of at work.

"I..." Maura started and decided not to mention the rose. "I don't know..." she said quietly and sighed. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have called... it's way too early. I'll just let you get back to sleep." 

"No, no," Jane said and was completely alert by now. "I'm awake anyways. Talk to me Maura," she said and Maura tried to find the right words, maybe she should just go with the truth?

"I... I just wanted to talk to you,' she said quietly and Jane was glad Maura couldn't see her face at that moment. She smiled to herself and felt the blush creeping to her cheeks. She took a deep breath before she answered.

"That's... lovely," she answered and rolled her eyes at the lame answer; Maura laughed. That was exactly the Jane she knew and she couldn't love her more. It didn't feel like the right time to mention her worries and she decided it'd be best to ignore it for a while.

"Even if I wake you so early on your free day?" Maura asked.

"You can wake me anytime you want," Jane said calmly and Maura knew there was more behind those words.

"I know," she whispered. A few seconds passed without words being spoken and Maura sipped her coffee. "You going into work today?"

"Actually..." Jane said and thought about it for a moment. She wanted to; she wanted to know who killed that man they found by the beach early in the morning, but it wouldn't do him any harm if they'll start the proper investigation on Monday. Even at her free day, she couldn't quite ignore the detective inside of her and she knew that there was more to Maura's call. She liked the feeling that Maura wanted to hear her voice; just like she did. But to be honest, something told her that there was something else. She just didn't wanna talk about it now; whatever it was. She kicked her legs free from the cover and already felt the heat inside her bedroom. It was going to be a very hot day and she just had a better idea.

"No I'm not," she said after a couple of seconds. "I hope you don't have any plans for today."

"Ehm, no-" she started.

"Good, pack your swimming clothes and I'll pick you up at 10.30," she said.

"Okay," Maura responded, asking herself what Jane had in mind but she actually didn't care. As long as she got to spend the whole day with her best friend, everything seemed fine.

"See you in a bit," Jane said and Maura remained in bed for a few more minutes before she got up to get dressed. Just like she had assumed it was pretty hot outside already so she tried to decide what to wear which seemed a bit of a problem because she had no idea what Jane had in mind for the two of them.

She chose the white short summer dress, it wasn't too fancy and it still looked very flattering and seemed appropriate no matter what Jane had in mind. She walked over to the drawer to get her bikini and thought about the pink one.

_Jane hates pink._

She paused a second at that thought and shook her head in silence.

_She didn't like pink on herself but..._

Maura ignored her thoughts, opened the drawer on the right side and stared at the contents; she felt her pulse racing. She couldn't move for an instant and held her breath. There wasn't anything unusual about her socks, despite the fact that she was pretty sure she always kept them in the drawer next to it. She shook her head and carefully moved the socks; everything seemed fine.

_Maybe I changed it the last time, _she thought._ And don't remember it._

She closed the drawer and took the brown bikini. She left her bedroom and waited for Jane to show up.

_Washington:_

Tony sat in his chair and stared at the screen. Since hours he stared at the google front page; trying to decide what to do. Whenever his boss was around he changed the window and pretended to work. They solved another case last night and he was tired but somehow Gibbs didn't allow them to go home yet. Something told him that there was still something Gibbs didn't tell him. Or Ziva for that matter.

He leaned back in his chair and looked at Ziva whose eyes were glued to the screen. She ignore him but he was sure she knew he was watching her; she always knew it. Once again he pictured Kate sitting there; he was sure she'd already told him to stop watching her by now. He smiled to himself and was aware of the sadness that came along with every memory of Kate. Tony didn't know what to do as his fingers hovering above the keyboard with google waiting for him to type the words.

_Do I really want to know? _He asked himself and considered it for a moment. _What if it was just a coincidence?_ He had no idea who this woman was and there he was; thinking about her while he secretly got his hopes up that his former colleague – and the woman he loved – was somehow still alive; it sounded impossible and he knew it.

He once read that there's at least one person in the world who looks exactly like you and maybe that was Kate's person? He could ask Ducky about it, he surely would know a story about but it was Sunday and it was bad enough that he was still stuck at work and it just wouldn't be the right thing.

As he walked toward the lab he heard Abby talking. She was probably wasting her time with a computer game. He knew Gibbs didn't tell her anything about the picture he found in the mag; there was no reason to bother her with it since they had no idea who the woman actually was. Abby spotted him in the doorway and waved.

"Pretty busy, aren't you?" he asked and entered the lab.

"So are you," she answered and smiled.

"What can I do for you?" she asked and leaned back in her chair; taking a break from her game.

"There is nothing to do," Tony told her and sat down on the edge of a table.

"What are you doing here then?" she wanted to know and laughed. He looked at her and he didn't have the heart to mention what he found a couple of days ago. She had a hard time after Kate's death; they got along very well and it was very hard for her when she died. He wouldn't say a word until he truly knew who she was.

"I wish I'd know that," he answered. "Ask Gibbs."

"Ask me what?" his boss asked and entered the lab; he held a file in his hand.

"Never mind," Tony said. "We have a new case?" he wanted to know and looked at the file in his boss hands.

"Not sure about that so far," he simply said and Tony took the file. They didn't talk about Kate since they met on the roof and he wasn't sure how to bring it up again. He opened the file and read it in silence for a few seconds.

"Boston?" he asked and raised an eyebrow at his boss. "Why would the death of a man who still needs to be identified concern us? Can't they handle it without us? They surely won't like to have us stepping in."

"Of course they won't," Gibbs told him. "They have no idea what they're dealing with?"

"Do we?" Tony wanted to know.

"I hope so," Gibbs answered and left; Abby looked at him with a questioning look on his face and Tony shrugged though Boston did ring a bell for him.

A couple of minutes later he sat in front of his computer again and google was still waiting. He finally made up his mind and typed: _"Dr. Maura Isles"_ and waited for the results to come up. The screen was loaded with pictures of the chief Medical Examiner, most pictures from different journals and newspaper reports or pathology conferences.

_If she did attend these conferences, how come she never ran into Ducky?_

He recognized the picture he saw in the mag, showing up with a couple of others and there was no doubt about it. She still looked as pretty to him as she'd been years ago and against all odds he was once again sure that it could only be Kate.

"Nice," he heard Ziva asking and turned around; surprised that she was right beside him. "You got nothing better to do then google some random women?" she asked and laughed.

"She's not some random woman," he said calmly.

"You know her?"

"I'm not so sure about that," he said and she looked at him, waiting for a further explanation.

"Okay..." she said; she already had an imagination of where this might lead.

"It's not what you think..."

"Since when do you care about what I think?" she wanted to know.

"I don't, but that's not the point."

"Well, who is it then?" she asked and he took a deep breath. "This woman... she is, I mean... she looks like Kate."

Ziva looked at the screen for a moment.

"Kate is dead, Tony," she said.

"I know," he answered calmly and closed the browser.

_Boston:_

Her train of thoughts was stopped whens he heard Jane's car in the driveway and walked across the room to unlock the front door and let her in.

"You ready?" she asked with a smile when Maura opened the door.

"Ready for whatever you have in mind," she said with a smile that, considering the circumstances, felt rather forced and let Jane in. She knew Jane sensed that something was wrong but maybe she'll get through with it for now.

"I'll be right back," Maura said and left the room to get her bag.


	5. Promises

_Boston:_

As Jane waited for Maura to return, she stood in the center of the living room; her eyes wandering. Everything in this room, let alone the house, was always perfect. The curtains matched the carpet and every piece of furniture was wisely chosen to match the perfect picture that was the home of Dr. Maura Isles. Jane got used to it long ago and she felt pretty much at home in a house that was so different to her own. She loved both places for different reasons and she sometimes welcomed the change when she stayed at Maura's. There was never a single thing that appeared to be out of place, but today there was something that bothered Jane.

The room was bright and sunlight streamed through the windows, making it look like one of those wonderful pictures you'd find in an issue of _Good Housekeeping _or any other mag for that matter. Jane looked around again and noticed the bunch of flowers. Even the vase that held the flowers looked like it was placed at that exact place for a reason and a smile crossed her lips, because that was just the way Maura was like and when she didn't drive Jane crazy with her behavior, the detective considered it utterly cute. She could picture Maura spending an incredible amount of time with re-arranging the flowers so that everything looked nicely, but something about the picture was wrong. Jane was sure that no one would've wasted any thoughts on this, because it was just a bunch of flowers but Jane knew her friend very well to be bothered by this seemingly irrelevant detail.

In the middle of a beautiful bunch of pink lilies was a red rose. It appeared so much out of place that it even bothered Jane for some reason and she usually didn't care about flowers. It just didn't make sense to her. Why would a woman, who usually spends a lot of time on arranging flowers, be so careless and put a rose in the middle of it. It just didn't belong there and she could hear Maura's voice lecturing her about the fact that not even the colors matched well. Jane knew that Maura would've put the rose in a different vase, let alone cut off the withered leaves. But for some reason, she hadn't done that and it struck Jane as odd.

"Are you okay?" Maura asked and Jane turned around; she didn't hear Maura returning.

"Yeah," she answered and decided to drop the flowers for now and ignore it. She watched Maura walking past her to get a bottle of water out of the fridge. Jane watched her in silence for a second; she knew something was wrong but she just couldn't tell. Maura looked tired although she tried her best to hide it, but even her make up couldn't remove the evidence from her eyes. She wasn't quite herself and she was keen on not letting Jane know what happened exactly.

"You ready to go?" Jane asked and Maura smiled at her.

"Ready when you are," she said and Jane looked at her for another second before she moved.

_There is so much I don't know about you,_ she thought.

There were so many things Maura knew about her. She knew a fair amount of the Rizzoli family clan; she knew her favorite color and her favorite TV shows. She knew very well how to drive her crazy and how to calm her down in return. It took just one look and Jane would do everything for this woman and she was most certainly aware of that.

Jane knew Maura had been adopted, but she didn't know anything about her family or her relationship with her parents or friends. She hardly knew anything about her time at the university. Maura always seemed so content and in control that Jane couldn't really tell what was going on inside her head.

_What is is that she isn't telling me?_

Jane never asked about Maura's childhood, mostly because she never talked about it and Jane felt that she would have talked if she wanted to.

_But why?_

Jane didn't know; she took a deep breath and decided that it was nothing she wanted to worry about today. She had other plans.

"Jane?" she heard Maura asking and she noticed the sound of insecurity in this single word.

"Yes," she turned around and looked at her friend.

"You didn't..." she started, but was struggling with the rest of the sentence.

"Didn't do what, Maura?"

"Did you drive by my house last night?" she asked and waited for an answer.

_Is that a trick question?_

"No... why would I do that?" Jane wanted to know and ignored all the things that would justify that act.

"I... I don't know. It's alright," she said and without thinking about it, she turned around and glanced at the rose. "Never mind," she said and approached the front door. "Let's go!"

"Oh," Jane whispered more to herself. _Did she think I... did ...what exactly?_ Jane had no idea where that flower came from or who gave it to Maura, but maybe she didn't even know it herself.

_What if she thought it was me? _Jane didn't know whether to laugh or feel sorry for her friend. _What if she'd hoped that it was Jane and now realized that she didn't do it? _

"Will you tell me where we go?" Maura asked and got into the passenger's seat of Jane's car.

"You will find out soon," Jane said and smiled; she took a deep breath and started the car. "Just relax," Jane said and Maura did as she was told.

A couple of minutes passed in silence and Maura watched the Sunday traffic on the streets of Boston passing by as Jane took them to the suburban parts; she hadn't been to many of these parts of the city since she moved here and she was surprised at how different everything suddenly seemed to be. However, Maura thought that the route they were taking looked somewhat familiar and if she wasn't mistaken that was exactly the same route she took a couple of hours ago when the same woman, who was now driving the car, called her to a crime scene because of a hit'n run murder.

"Jane?" Maura asks carefully; not sure if that was really something she should ask. _Why would she do that?_ "Is that the same way..."

"To the crime scene?" Jane asked and Maura noticed the hint of amusement in her voice. "Unfortunately, yes," she said and looked at Maura for a second, there was still a bit of confusion visible on her face.

"Okay," she answers quietly and nodded.

"You really think I'd take you to a crime scene when I don't have to? On my free day?"

"I was just wondering..." Maura said and smiled.

"That'd be a fancy thing for a date on a beautiful Sunday noon, why not go and visit a crime scene? I bet there are quite a few crazy people out there who'd actually enjoy that."

She kept talking, but Maura didn't really listen. _Did she just say date?_

"So..." Maura said when Jane paused to take a breath. She'd just decided she'd not let it pass without another word. She was too curious. "Is it a date?" she asked as innocent as possible.

"What?" Jane asked and looked at Maura again before she realized what she had just said. "Oh... well, I was just..." she said and cleared her throat; Maura laughed quietly to herself. "You know," Jane said.

"No, actually I don't. Tell me, Jane," she said and gave Jane her cutest smile; she was starting to enjoy this and it was a fairly pleasant distraction to everything that seemed to go wrong in her life at the moment.

Jane looked at her again when the traffic allowed it and Maura knew exactly what she wanted to say.

_Really?_

She didn't though and remained quiet for a few seconds.

_What am I supposed to say? _Jane thought. This was getting far too complicated for her likes, she just didn't know what to do.

"Do you want it to be a date?" Maura asked and waited for a reaction.

"I..." Jane said and tried to find the right words. She felt the blush creeping up her neck slowly. "Are you actually enjoying this?"

She asked Maura who looked extremely happy with what she was doing.

"Yes," she admitted and laughed. Jane's eyes were on the street, carefully navigating them through the streets that suddenly seemed a little busier. The sound of Maura's laughter was incredibly beautiful and maybe, she wanted it to be a date. Maybe she really did.

"I'm sorry," Maura said and cleared her throat.

"We're almost there," Jane told her and Maura saw that they were now driving along the coastline; the sea looked beautiful in the sun. Maura leaned back and closed her eyes; the wind on her face was cool and she couldn't help but think about Jane. _What did she plan for the day?_ Maura liked the imagination of a quiet day at the beach and she remembered what Jane had asked her the other night.

"_What did you do at the beach at night?"_

She might have an imagination of what she would do there; something that – much to her surprise – involved the woman next to her.

"What's up with that smile?" Jane wanted to know and Maura answered without opening her eyes.

"You don't want to know..." she simply answered.

"Really, Maura?"

"Sorry, Jane," she said and opened her eyes. _No, that was just wrong, _Maura thought. _No, no, no._

Jane shook her head without another word and Maura saw that she tried not to smile.

_That'll be an interesting day, _Maura thought.

Maura took in her surroundings when she got out of the car; she'd never been to this place and she actually had no idea where she was but Jane seemed to know it very well. Maura watched her getting a bag out of the trunk and returned to the car to get her own, she looked at Jane; waiting for what was next.

"We have to walk a bit," she said and smiled at Maura.

"Don't worry," Jane reassured Maura when she noticed the look on her face. "But take your shoes off," Jane told her and Maura did as she was told.

"Where are we going?" Maura asked and followed Jane. They abandoned the car and walked down to the beach. "Why is no one here?" Maura wanted to know and turned around; there were quite a few people in the distance to her right but there didn't seem to be much to her left side and that was exactly the direction Jane was walking.

"Just follow me," Jane said and had already reached the water; the sun was hot above them and so was the sand beneath Maura's bare feet but she liked the softness of it. She reached the water that felt really cold the first moment her feet were submerged. Maura decided not to ask any questions and watched Jane walked straight ahead and further into the water until it reached up to her calves. Jane walked around the rocks in the water and climbed on one of them; she held out her hand when Maura reached her.

For a second Maura thought about telling her that she was fine with getting up there herself, but she wanted to take Jane's hand. She held the detectives hand and felt herself being pulled softly; she laid an arm around Jane's waist once she stood next to her, afraid that she might fall off and suddenly realized how close they were. Jane just smiled at her and tried her best to ignore it to avoid any more awkward situations for now.

"We're nearly there," she said and jumped off the rock on the other side. Maura was amazed when she turned around, it looked like they's just disappeared behind the rocks; she couldn't see anything but water to her right side where there'd just been other people in the distance. In front of her was a small patch of untouched sand; a peaceful spot that looked so unlike everything else she'd seen in that city. It was quiet and private.

"How did you find this place?" Maura wanted to know while she followed Jane into the shadows by the rocks; away from the water. "We used to come here as kids," Jane explained. "To the beach, you know. One day I was hiding from Tommy and I ended up here," she said and sat down in the sand that was cool in the shadows.

"Did you ever tell anyone?" Maura asked.

"Of course not!" Jane said. "I love this place."

"Do you come here often?"

"I honestly haven't been here in ages," she said and laid on side, watching Maura.

"What made you think of it now?" she asked.

"You said you'd never been to the beach since you moved here..." Jane explained. They both knew there was more.

"It was a wonderful idea," Maura said and she really meant it. She looked at her friend for a moment, regarding her beauty before she remembered the conversation in the car. "Was that what you thought of when you asked me what I've been doing by the beach at night?"

Jane grinned at her, of course she knew.

"It's not night-time..." she said and got up; Maura found herself watched ever move she made. Her hands grabbed the edges of her shirt and she slowly lifted it; revealing her athletic body and and smooth olive skin. For just one second Maura asked herself what it'd feel like to lay her hands on her stomach and feel the softness of her skin; the soft movement of her chest while she breathed. Even the thought of that sent a shiver down her spine and she blushed a little when Jane noticed that she was watching her.

"What would you do?" Maura asked and realized that her voice was a little weaker by now.

"Swimming," Jane answered and laughed. Without turning around again she took off the rest of her clothes and walked toward the water. The black bikini was simple but it suited Jane very well; she'd lie saying that she didn't like it.

Maura laughed but then she remembered that she wasn't wearing hers. She'd just put it in her bag, she didn't think that there won't be a change to change.

"You could've told me," Maura said and held her bikini in her head; Jane turned around and laughed at her. Maura couldn't help but smile and she couldn't even be mad. She sat down and tried her best to put it on without stripping off her clothes completely; it wouldn't be the first time she tried that. She watched Jane walking deeper into the water and felt a rush of sadness overcoming her. She knew she loved this women, deep inside she would do everything for her and she couldn't life without her any more. She'd given up on so many things in her life and she knew she couldn't bear letting Jane down for anything. She needed her more then anything and though she never told her or kept flirting playfully, she knew that it was serious. She wasn't quite sure if Jane had realized that Maura wasn't entirely honest about what she was doing. It had taken her many years to figure it out and to finally admit that she loved Jane though it still confused her. She thought she'd accepted it a long time ago, but there was still something that kept her from telling Jane the truth. It was the fear of being regretted, the uncertainty that it might ruin everything they have.

What worried her the most was the truth; it made her unbearably sad and it scared her each time. She'd always wanted to tell Jane the truth, not just about loving her but about so many other things. It just never felt like being the right time but she knew that the longer she waited, the worse it might be in the end.

_What if things will never be the same again? What if I won't be the same again?_

She couldn't even imagine how the truth might affect their lives.

_Jane is strong, she might be able to deal with it. _

But Maura knew that Jane also like to pretend to be stronger then she actually is. She could be very gentle and soft, but she would never let anyone see it.

"What are you waiting for?" Jane asked. "Come on, I won't look!" she said and turned away from Maura; she forced herself to ignore all of her worries and focus on what lay ahead today. By the time she managed to change into her bikini, Jane was already completely submerged; waiting for her.

As Jane watched her approaching, she thought of the conversation they had earlier though it was probably just Maura teasing while she tried to find a way to get out of it. She was the smartest person she knew and Jane would be damned if Maura hadn't already noticed that there was more to Jane's feeling for her. She hadn't been sure about it and it took an awful long time for her to even consider the possibility that there might be more. She had her doubts and it honestly scared her but when she watched the blonde woman walking toward her, her striking beauty so splendid in the sunshine she knew there was nothing to doubt. It made her feeling nervous, knowing that there was barely something to cover her wonderful body and that they were all alone.

She felt ridiculous to think that anything might happen and although it scared her, she liked the thrill of it. She didn't know if Maura was just teasing her because she enjoyed it and realized that Jane was quite sensitive when it came to that or if she knew how much more there was.

_But she wouldn't tease me like this, nothing that I was serious, Would she?_

She couldn't imagine that her friend would do something like this.

"Do you like it?" Jane asked.

"I love it, Jane," she said and plunged into the cold water, diving a little until she reached Jane and resurfaced right in front of her. She knew she should keep a safe distance between them for her own good, but she was longing for someone to be close so much that she was sometimes ready to ignore the boundaries.

"I'm glad you do," was all Jane could say and she tried very hard not to let her eyes wander along the features of Maura's body; somewhere her eyes probably shouldn't be.

"It's a wonderful change," Maura said.

"We could come back any time," Jane suggested. They spent an incredible amount of time talking about all sorts of things, simply regarding each other presence and recharging their batteries for the upcoming week because there was still a murder that had to be solved.

The sun was pretty low already when Maura sat down in the low water, leaning back on her arms while Jane was lazily floating in the water in front of her. Maura knew that her face and maybe even her shoulders were lightly sunburned but she didn't worry about it that much. It would be alright in the morning.

"Jane," Maura said calmly; it wasn't a question and the sound of her voice made Jane stop right where she was. She faced Maura and slowly approached.

"What's it, Maur?" Jane asked and looked at her.

"You're the most wonderful friend I have," she explained calmly and she took Jane's hands, refusing to look at her. "God knows, you're the only friend I have," she said and Jane didn't miss the sadness in her voice. She had no idea where the sudden change came from or where this was going so she just listened for now.

"You're the best thing that ever happened to me," she said and laughed nervously; Jane was glad Maura didn't seem to expect an answer because she was at a loss of words. She waited for Maura to go one, but all she did was looking at their hands.

"Hey," Jane said softly and lifted Maura's chin with her right hand; forcing her to look at her.

"I trust you Jane," she whispered. "More then I ever trusted anyone else."

"I know," Jane nodded. "So do I Maura and you know that."

"You don't understand..."

"Then let me know," Jane begged her and her hand rested on Maura's cheek. She closed her eyes for a second, enjoying the touch.

"It's complicated," she said and shook her head; Jane knew it wasn't easy for her. Whatever it was; she'd never seen her level-headed friend seem so desperate about something.

"Just try..." Jane said softly. "I'm right here, Maura." She kneeled down in front of her and their eyes locked.

"Just promise me Jane," Maura started and took a deep breath. "That we'll get through it... whatever happens," she whispered and tears glistened in her eyes. "I can't stand to loose you, Jane."

"I don't know what this is all about, Maura," Jane said; Maura couldn't tell if she was just worried or sad. "But I'm not leaving you; I promise," she whispered and looked into her eyes. Maura leaned forward and closed the distance between them and sealed her lips with her own. The worries that had been on Jane's mind immediately vanished when she felt Maura's soft lips on her own. Sweet and salty at the same time; she was too stunned to react and didn't say a word when Maura drew back again.

She knew it all the time.

This time, Jane was the one who pulled Maura into a kiss and she was way too familiar with the need and the desperation that she felt at the same time. What she felt wasn't even comparable to anything she had dreamed of so far; her heart was hammering against her chest and a smile crossed her lips.

"I promise I'm not going to leave," she said and Maura laid her arms around her. It felt good to be with someone after all this time; to feel somewhat protected. She wanted this moment to never end but she knew it would at some point, she couldn't hide here forever though this was exactly what she wanted right now. All she could do was hoping that Jane would keep her promise.

Come what may.


	6. Solace

_Boston:_

Jane was numbed; her blood was rushing through her veins at a rapid speed and she suddenly found it very hard to breathe. She couldn't think or move; she opened her eyes and looked at the woman in front of her. She didn't want to get out of the embrace; she wanted to keep Maura close and never let her go. It would've been one of these cheesy moments you'd find in a movie and Jane actually hated that, but she wasn't a stupid girl starring in a chick-flick.

The moment seemed perfect if it wasn't for the fact that Maura was crying and that there was something that suddenly made her feel very desperate. At first Jane didn't know what to do because Maura was always the one who had a reasonable solution for a problem but she appeared to be at a loss. Jane leaned into the embrace and felt Maura's head on her shoulder; she didn't want to let go. Her heart was still pounding in her chest, her lips burning from the touch of Maura's lips. She closed her eyes and savored the moment for an instant before something disturbed the peaceful silence.

"Your phone..." Maura whispered and Jane a smile crossed Jane's lips when she spotted a few freckles on her friend's shoulders. She'd always considered them pretty cute. She'd tried to ignore it, dreading what the call would bring. It couldn't be a good thing.

"I don't want to..." Jane said and didn't move.

"It's Frost," Maura reminded her and they both knew that something was going on. Jane and Frost were partners and got along quite well but their friendship didn't reach the stage of calling each other on a Sunday afternoon for no reason, yet. Of course Jane had recognized the ringtone immediately, announcing an incoming call by her partner.

Jane sighed. "Alright," she said and got out of the embrace to answer her phone.

You certainly have the worst timing, she thought while she grabbed her bag.

Maura watched Jane for a second; a couple of hours earlier she'd thought that it was a mistake. Something she shouldn't do for her own good, and for Jane. It happened and she couldn't make it undone; she didn't want to. She'd lie saying it didn't concern her a little. It didn't confuse her any more, she was ready to deal with that though she had no idea if she'd be able to deal with what lay ahead. She was afraid that she'll hurt Jane sooner or later and that was the least thing she wanted though there might be nothing she could do about it. All she could do was hope that Jane will keep her promise. She got up, knowing that their quiet time was over.

"Rizzoli?" she answered her phone and turned around to see Maura walking toward her.

"Sorry to bother you," he said.

"It's Sunday..." she complained.

"Tell that to the killer," he said and Jane listened.

"What do you got?"

"Dead man on Washington Street," he said. "Bring Dr. Isles along."

For a moment she thought that she could hear him smiling.

_How did he know?_

Of course Maura would be there, but he knew her well enough to know that Maura was certainly around.

"Sure," she simply answered and disconnected the call. Maura stood right in front of her; without a word Jane reached out and laid her hands on her hips, pulling her closer. Maura wasn't very resistant and laid her forehead against Jane's.

"We gotta go," Jane said and sighed and softly caressed Maura's left cheek.

"I know," Maura whispered. "Don't tell me until we get there, I don't want to know it yet."

"Are you okay?" Jane asked.

"Yes," she answered. "For now, I am," she said and smiled at Jane.

"Okay," Jane answered. She knew that pushing it any further now wouldn't do them any good. She let go off Maura and they started putting on their clothes. Jane was tired; she didn't do much all day but being in the sun for hours could be very exhausting too. Her skin was still very warm from the sun and she knew that she was lightly sunburned. All she wanted to do was go home, take a shower and pass out on the bed.

_And I want Maura to be there, _she thought.

They walked back through the water and Maura held out her hand before Jane had a chance to say anything when they climbed over the rock; Jane took it without a word and didn't let go entirely when they walked back to the car. Maura felt slowed down. She was relaxed and tired at the same time. The last thing she needed was a crime scene and a case that'll keep her from showering and sleeping a little before the weekend was over. She needed some quiet time; she needed to think and she needed a bit of solace. She wanted to be with Jane.

The drive to Washington Street was quiet and Jane wasn't sure if Maura was asleep or not but she didn't want to disturb her. She looked so peaceful when she was sleeping and Jane secretly admired her while she waited at a traffic light. She tried very hard to resist the urge to lean over and place a soft kiss on her lips. She bit her own lip and pushed that thought out of her mind.

_Maybe later,_ she thought to herself and shook her head. She turned into Washington Street and spotted a couple of police cruisers and a few cops standing around. The scene was already secured by Boston PD. Jane parked the car at the side of the street and leaned back for a moment; Maura was still sleeping and Jane saw Korsak and Frost waiting for her. She turned her head to Maura.

_What am I gonna do with you now?_ She asked herself. She couldn't just lean over and kiss her while everyone was watching. It wasn't any of their business and Jane actually had no idea where this was going, she didn't even know what was going on exactly. Despite that, it wasn't a thing Jane Rizzoli would do. _No, it certainly wasn't. _

She turned her head and laid her hand on Maura's to wake her gently.

"Hey," Jane said softly and waited until Maura opened her yes. She was obviously a little confused.

_God, she that's so cute._

"Crime scene time," Jane said quietly.

"Are we there already?" She asked and blinked a few times.

"Yes," Jane said and laughed; she looked at their hands and Maura tightened her fingers around it, holding her hand for a moment.

"You ready?" Jane asked. 

"No, but do I have a choice?" she wanted to know and Jane laughed. "I look totally messed up," she said and caught a glance of her reflection in the rearview mirror.

"You look wonderful," Jane said and Maura looked at her; Jane didn't know if she wanted to say something or if she was surprised but it was fine. "Let's go," she said and Maura nodded.

As Jane got out of the car, she felt the early evening chill on her sunburned skin and shivered slightly.

"Where have you been?" Frost asked when he looked at the detective who was followed by Dr. Isles who was still dressed in a white beach dress. She looked absolutely gorgeous with her messy hair and Jane thought that none of the police officers standing around have ever seen Dr. Isles without her hair perfectly styled or her clothes matching perfectly.

Jane ignored his question and asked: "What happened?" while Maura walked past her to look at the corpse that was waiting for her a few inches ahead.

"Pedestrians found the body," he said and pointed to an elderly man and woman; they were just being questioned by a police officer. "I don't know Jane," he said and turned around to look at the body. "That seems a little weird..."

Maura agreed to what he was saying. She felt like having some kind of a déjà-vu while she was looking at the body.

_Male. Obviously in his twenties. No ID yet._

She looked up in the direction of the street; the body was in perfect view for everyone to see. Everyone who walked by would've seen it but how come no one seemed to know anything? It wasn't even night-time yet and the street was fairly busy for a Sunday evening. Maura looked at a dark wound that might be a gunshot wound. _I'll have that confirmed when I take a closer look at the morgue._ There didn't seem to be anything odd about him, he didn't appear very remarkable. There were no other visible damages on his body. _Except for the wound on his chest._

"What do you think?" Jane asked and crouched down next to the body and Maura looked up and shook her head without a word. "I don't know Jane," she said. "I'd say that looks like a gunshot wound, but-"

"It is a gunshot wound, Maura," Jane said.

"I'll have that confirmed later," she answered.

"Alright."

"This is the second person turning up dead just like that, no one saw anything, no one heard a thing..." Maura said more to herself. That usually wasn't her job.

"Yeah," Jane agreed, regarding the body for a moment. Maura reached out, her gloved hand touching the man's wrist to turn it around. She'd been wanting to do that since she switched to doing her job a few minutes ago. She didn't want to see it, she knew what she'd find there but there was no way around it. She'd have to face it sooner or later.

Jane watched her expectantly and no one said a word when Maura turned the wrist and revealed a tattoo of a rose. The same rose that had been carelessly drawn on the wrist of the first victim.

"What the hell?" Jane asked and looked at Maura for an explanation but she didn't know more then the detective did.

"I don't like this, Jane," she whispered and let go off his hand.

"Not at all," Jane agreed and looked at Maura; she didn't face Jane and the sadness was back again. She might be good at hiding her emotions from other people but not from Jane. Was she just sad or was she worried? Jane didn't know but she knew that something was wrong. There was no proven connection between the two victims yet but Jane knew there was something about the whole thing that she didn't like. It seemed way too obvious.

_Why the rose?_ She asked herself. _Why would someone waste time with tattooing a dead guy. It surely wasn't for the fun._

_Washington:_

"I just don't get it," Ziva said when Tony returned to his cubicle.

"What?" he wanted to know and sat down.

"What is it about that woman?" She asked. "Do you know who she is?"

She was talked about Kate. Or about Dr. Maura Isles better said. Ever since she found out that Tony had googled that woman she kept asking questions but much to his dismay Tony couldn't answer a single one of them. As much as he wanted to.

"No," he answered. He wasn't in the mood for that kind of conversation.

"Aren't you curious?"

"Not as curious as you seem to be," he answered; knowing that it wasn't entirely true. He way dying to know who that woman was but he wouldn't tell her so.

"I'm just sayin..." 

"What?"

"That if there's someone turning up who looks like my dead colleague, I'd want to know," she said and he raised an eyebrow at her.

"What am I supposed to do? Call her?" He asked and laughed. "That'd be a lovely phone call. I'm sorry, you look like my friend, unfortunately she was shot a couple of years ago. You don't happen to be her?" he said and leaned back in his chair.

"Why not?" she simply said and he knew she was actually serious.

"This is not the way we do it here," he said. "That'd be kinda... creepy," he said. For one second, he considered this option but dropped it because it was ridiculous. What was he suppose to say? It's not like he had a chance to have a conversation about a case since they were working different departments and different jurisdictions and it just wouldn't make any sense.

"What have you got?" Tony asked when Gibbs walked in; he was holding the same file that Tony already read.

"We've got nothing so far," he admitted. "But they've got another dead one," he said and held up the file.

_Boston._

"Who's 'we'?" Ziva wanted to know.

Tony looked at his boss and no one said a word.

_You haven't told her?_

"Some colleagues in Boston," he simply said without loosing Tony out of view.

"Why would we deal with their case?" she wanted to know and Gibbs gave her the same answer he gave Tony already.

"Because they have no idea what they're dealing with."

"And... you really think they'll allow us to step in like that?" she asked.

"Of course not," Gibbs said and Tony chuckled.

"Why bother then?"

"Because it will concern us pretty soon," Gibbs said and sat down.

"What do you mean?" Tony asked this time.

Gibbs took his time with answering the question and took a mag out of one of his drawers and threw it to Tony who caught it just in time. It was the mag with the picture of... who exactly? He didn't really know.

He didn't say a word and just looked at his boss. What exactly was that supposed to mean? Did he really knew more already and just didn't bother with sharing?

"Did you talk to Abby?" Gibbs asked without looking up from his desk and Tony knew what he was talking about.

"No," he said quietly. "I didn't say anything."

Gibbs nodded and Tony knew her wouldn't share any more information by now.

"So, we're going to Boston?" Ziva wanted to know.

"Not yet," Gibbs said. "But it won't take long."

_Boston:_

By the time Jane dropped her off at her house she was deadly tired and terribly confused. She walked toward her front door, asking herself what she'd find inside. She'd lie saying she wasn't afraid but there was nothing she could do.

It was probably just a coincidence, she kept telling herself.

Jane was long gone by the time Maura unlocked her front door. She'd waited until Jane's car was out of sight. The case made them both forget about what happened earlier and it was now that Maura started to realize what they'd done and that she was aching to go back.

She was so exhausted that a part of her wanted to cry and the thought being back to the morgue in a few hours only didn't seem to appalling.

_What the hell am I doing here? _She asked herself when she stepped into her home. She didn't want to be alone in that house, not after everything that had happened. Not after... t_he kiss,_ she thought. She wanted to go back and she wanted to be with Jane. Just the thought of not falling asleep alone made her feel better. She was longing for Jane and for the safety of her presence. She didn't want to be in the house all alone.

She walked into her house; it was deadly silent and she was alert to everything that might be out of place. Her right hand suddenly touched the right side of her hip; something she hadn't done in ages and there was nothing to be found. Nothing that would protect her from anything.

_Turn around and leave,_ she told herself but her feet kept moving.

She reached for the light switch but nothing happened. She tried it again, but it remained dark. She felt a chill running through her body.

_This is not right,_ she thought and heard the blood rushing loudly in her ears. Unless everything that appeared to be reasonable to her, she walked to the adjoining room and tried to switch on the lights but nothing happened.

She might just check the fuses, maybe there was something wrong but she didn't dare going any further. She felt the tears burning in her eyes and although it made her feel stupid, she turned around and left the house. Her hands were still shaking when she sat in her car to get to Jane's apartment. She should've asked her to stay all along.

_You should've told her the truth,_ a voice inside her head said.

She didn't feel any calmer by the time she stopped the car in front of Jane's house; she took a deep breath and reached for her bag and got out of the car. It wasn't that late yet and she just hoped that she wasn't asleep yet. As she walked up the stairs to Jane's apartment she felt the fatigue slowing her down the same way it did when they left the beach earlier. She was still pretty exhausted and felt worn out. She didn't have the strength to fight back her emotions, she felt the tears in her eyes and although she didn't want to cry, there was nothing she could do. It made her feel like a fool but she probably had no reason to cry but she couldn't help it.

It didn't take Jane long to open the door; she looked at her friend for a moment and their eyes locked. Jane stepped aside to let Maura in and closed her in her arms as soon as she'd closed the door.


	7. Trust

_Boston:_

She stared into the face of a stranger; his skin looking pale under the fluorescent light of the morgue. She was quiet for a moment, regarding the corpse in front of her.

_Who are you? _She thought. They still didn't have an ID on him or the other victim. No one knew who he is. _But someone does,_ she thought. _Someone always does._ She took a deep breath, trying to concentrate. Jane would be there soon, along with a few other detectives; demanding information. Maura shook her head to herself. She should've seen it coming, how could she think she was smart enough to do this? It'd just been a matter of time until it'd all catch up with her. She'd tried so hard for the last couple of years.

_Why now?_ She wanted to know and bit her lip. _Who was doing that to her? _She had no idea and there was no one she could talk to; not because she didn't trust anyone. She'd trust Jane blindly without a second of hesitation but she didn't know if the truth would make them stronger or break them apart. She couldn't stand the thought of not being with Jane, no matter what kind of relationship that would be. What worried her even more was the question whether she'd endanger Jane should she tell her the truth about everything that happened. A part of Maura knew that she deserved to know the truth, but she had to protect Jane. This time, she knew it was hers to protect her best friend. She couldn't tell Jane because she surely wouldn't agree to needing protection and she certainly wouldn't consider Maura being the right person to protect her.

_How wrong she is,_ Maura thought. In the silence of the morgue, every little sound had her alert. She used to enjoy the silence but things had changed so quickly that she thought she missed the point it actually happened. She hadn't been home yet and she wasn't looking forward to returning to the house she called her home. A house she always felt safe in. She knew something was very wrong and she was one hundred percent sure that she put her socks and everything else in the right drawer, there was no reason she would've done it any other way.

_Someone had broken into my house_, she thought and felt the fear numbing her body. There wasn't a single sign of destruction and the changes were so nondescript that she wouldn't notice it at first sight or be suspicious. _Someone had been in my house,_ she thought. _Someone who knew exactly what he was doing. _Even the thought of that scared her more than anything else had before. She hadn't checked it but something told her that it wasn't a coincidence that none of the lights were working last night. Someone wanted to scare her.

_They want me weak,_ she thought and turned her gaze away from the dead stranger in front of her; she didn't know what to do. _What would be the right thing to do now? _She didn't know, but she knew she was very close to breaking. Maura had made many decisions in her past that somehow affected her life and she had never even considered that everything might catch up with her one day; she'd just never seen it coming. She never had a reason to.

She went to her office, away from the dead. She sat down behind her desk and stared into the empty space.

_This is who I am, _she thought. She laid her face in her hands and felt the tears burning in her eyes; she was still very exhausted and she felt terribly helpless. She bit her lip and swallowed her tears and felt every muscle in her body tense with the effort not to cry. They'd be down here soon and the last thing she needed was a total breakdown in front of cops who respected her and relied on her work. She was good at what she was doing and it wouldn't be any other way during the two autopsies she'd perform today.

_How come she'd lost a grip on everything?_ She asked herself and sighed. Everything seemed like a total chaos in her life; a life she was keen on keeping organized and reasonable in any way. Within the last few days she'd started feeling extremely lonely and waking up next to Jane this morning felt like the best thing that had happened to her in a very long time. It was just the feeling of someone next to you when you open your eyes in the morning, the sense of security and the chance to rely on someone. She'd missed this with all her heart and not knowing if it was the last time this had happened killed her. They hadn't talked about the kiss but Maura knew the moment would come; it was inevitable. She wasn't dreading it but it scared her a little.

She knew she loved Jane and she was ready to do something that no one probably ever expected her to do; she was ready to stop giving a damn about what people might think of her because she was in love with a woman. She'd give it all up to be with Jane, she'd do anything to wake up next to her just once more. To watch her sleeping soundly while she wished that things had been differently all along. If she had just one chance, she'd start again and do everything differently. She wouldn't walk away from her problems and face them. But then again, she'd never met Jane and that was a thought she was avoiding at all costs. She was here and it was right; she would never go back.

_You have to protect her,_ she told herself.

_Jane had understood her without a word when she knocked on her door; she was a mess. She hadn't had a chance to shower since they returned from the beach, she was exhausted and she was about to cry and Jane hadn't asked any questions although they both knew there was a lot to talk about. She'd given her comfort with holding her tightly in her arms as long as she needed it. She knew Jane hated to see her cry and she tried to hold back her tears with all the strength she had left but when she leaned into the embrace, her face buried in Jane's shoulder she felt her body shaking with sobs. She knew it made Jane uncomfortable and still, she'd held on to Maura and pulled her even closer until she had calmed down. _

"_You look like you need a shower to relax a little," Jane said softly without breaking the embrace._

"_That'd be lovely," Maura admitted and Jane gave a smile; Maura knew she was pretty worried but didn't want to let her know. If only she'd know how well I know how to read people's feelings, she thought and ignored the sense of guilt in her stomach. It wasn't a secret that Maura knew how to read another person's facial expression they just had no idea how she acquired that skill. _

"_You wanna tell me why you came?" Jane asked quietly when Maura was about to enter the bathroom and Jane paused by the door, biting her lip. _

"_I just... " she tried and shook her head; she couldn't find the right words. _

_"Okay," Jane said and nodded._

_The shower really helped Maura clear her head a little and it felt great to finally wash the salt off her skin; she smiled at the smell of Jane's lavender shampoo and closed her eyes to memorize that moment. She knew that, for the rest of her life, the smell of lavender would never cease to make her smile. She just hoped that it won't come along with a trace of sadness one day. _

_She walked into Jane's bedroom, wearing nothing but a towel and smiled to herself when she found some clothes waiting for her on the bed. She was dressed in black sweatpants and one of Jane's BPD shirts when she walked into the living room; feeling a lot better then she had an hour ago. _

_Maura approached Jane from behind and laid her head on her shoulder, hesitating for a moment before she laid her arms around her, hands resting on her flat stomach. She was aching for physical contact and she was desperately longing for Jane; she wanted to feel her body close to her very own. She felt Jane relaxing a little before she spoke. _

"_I don't know what it is, Maura," she said quietly and Maura wasn't sure if she was sad, disappointed or just worried. "But if you want me to help, you have to talk to me."_

"_I wish I could, Jane," she admitted. "But it's not as easy as it seems..."_

_Jane took a deep breath. _

"_I'm sorry," Maura whispered and let go of the embrace, releasing Jane's hand when she went back to the bedroom. She didn't turn around to see if Jane was following her, she just sat down on 'her' side of the bed and waited. She understood that Jane wasn't too happy with what was going on, she had any reason to be angry but that didn't make it any easier. She looked up when Jane appeared by the door; leaning against it without a word. She looked at her best friend without knowing what to do and watched Jane entering the room, sitting down in the middle of the bed. _

"_Jane..." Maura whispered and looked at her hands._

"_C'mere," she said and Maura looked at her; she didn't move when Jane kissed her on her lips, softly at first. It took her only a second to let her emotions rule her actions, the desire rushing through her body like a raging fire. She opened her mouth and deepened the kiss, allowing Jane to push her onto the bed with all her weight. She wrapped one leg around Jane's waist, pulling her closer. Her hungry lips were looking for their match and all her worries were rushed out her mind for just one moment when she felt Jane's tongue on her lips, inside her mouth begging for more. She was heavily panting for air when Jane broke the kiss, placing soft kisses on her throat; quiet moans escaping her lips. She kept her arms wrapped around Jane, she didn't want to let go. She felt Jane's body slightly shivering when she laid her head on the blonde's shoulder and Maura knew she was as desperate as she was. The last thing she heard before falling asleep was the rush of her own blood in her ears._

"Maura?" she heard Jane and was taken back to the present; she looked around for a second before she responded.

"I'm in here," she answered and tried to sound strong and ready for what lay ahead. Only a second later Jane appeared in the door way and Maura knew it probably wasn't the first time she had called her. Maura looked at her friend for a moment; she didn't know if it was awkward or not. The drive to work had been pretty silent this morning but no one had seemed bothered by it.

"Are you okay, Maur?" Jane asked quietly. She knew nothing was okay but what else was she supposed to say?

"Yes," she whispered and got up; Jane met her with open arms and they embraced each other for a few seconds.

"I'll be with you," Jane reassured her again and she simply nodded without a word. She couldn't be more grateful for having such a wonderful friend. While she got ready, she listened to the detectives discussing the details of their case again and Maura was reminded of the fact that the killer they were dealing with was indeed very clever. A lot cleverer then they gave them credit for.

Maura hadn't missed the fact that the murder had taken place at Washington Street. It was a fact that didn't cause any suspicions for them but Maura knew enough not to take that as a coincidence any longer. It had happened there for a reason and it had worked very well but she wasn't ready to share that piece of information with anyone yet.

It felt like it's been hours since she started the autopsies and it was pretty late already by the time she returned to her office. The autopsies hadn't revealed anything too useful. Both victims had died of a single, well-placed gunshot to the chest. There were no traces left behind and there didn't seem to be anything that connected the two men yet. They have just been two very unfortunate souls randomly chosen to be killed by a lunatic. Though with thinking about it twice, the person responsible for this didn't seem to be that crazy after all. Despite all the terrible things, the places and symbols seemed well chosen and whoever it was appeared smart enough not to leave traces behind. There were still some pending tests but she doubted that the results would be helpful in any way.

They weren't dealing with a stupid person at all. Someone knew what he or she was doing and they knew what the rose meant to her; it wasn't just a random thing. It all had it's purpose.

"You haven't been quite yourself lately," Jane said when she entered the office and sat down at the edge of Maura's desk, right in front of her.

"I know," she said and nodded.

"What's up with the roses?" she asked and Maura sighed. "I'm not that stupid, you know."

"I never even dared to assume so," Maura said and gave her a tired smile. "I guess we both know that someone wants to tell us something," Maura said and decided to carefully approach it that way.

"Yeah, or he just loves tattooing dead people..."

"Someone left a red rose in front of my door, Jane," Maura said seriously and Jane was immediately alert. Now she knew where it came from or better said how it got there. "It was there when I got home after we found the first victim..."

"That one also had a rose on his wrist, dammit Maura why didn't you tell me?" she wanted to know and Maura leaned on her hands.

"It was just a flower," she said and faced the detective. "It thought... maybe it was just a coincidence!"

"You should've told me anyways!" Jane said and took her hand and Maura let her. Maura knew she might just tell her some more but then again she was too scared to do so. She had to do whatever she could to protect Jane until she knew what was going on. Getting more information was a little bit of a difficulty since she couldn't just rely on people she used to know.

"Someone was in my house," she whispered.

"Oh my God, what happened?" she asked and Maura knew that Jane was scared just like she had been. "When?"

"I... I don't know," Maura said and leaned back, throwing her hands up in despair. "I just... I haven't been at home at that time."

"Tell me exactly what happened!"

"There were just... a few things out of place," she said. "At first I thought I just didn't remember... but... some of my clothes were placed in different drawers and I know I didn't do it. No one's got a key to my house but you."

"They broke in then, why didn't you call us? Me at least?"

"There wasn't any sign of destruction, everything seemed perfectly fine. The way it always used to be, that's why I didn't noticed anything," she said and got up from the chair and accepted Jane's open arms. She was getting used to the feeling of her arms around her own body, it made her feel better immediately.

"It didn't take you long to come over after I dropped you off last night..." Jane started.

"I came home and everything was fine... it was just that..." she started and felt a little stupid. Maybe it was nothing after all. "None of the lights were working and... it creeped me out!" she admitted and laid her head on Jane's shoulder.

"I'll have someone dropping by at your house right now to have everything checked," Jane said and released Maura. "Don't even think about it," Jane warned her before she had a chance to protest.

"You'll stay with me until we have any idea of what's going on," Jane said and Maura knew that the determination in her voice didn't allow any protest. With different circumstances she'd had agreed immediately; taken the offer gratefully but the thought of Jane being endangered because of her was something she couldn't take.

"I can't Jane," she said desperately. "I just can't..."

"I'm not letting you go back to your house if someone had been in there unnoticed!"

"If someone's trying to terrify me, I have to say it has worked pretty well but I don't want you with me while this is still happening! I don't want you to be in danger," she admitted and looked deeply into Jane's eyes.

"I know pretty well how to protect myself," Jane said and Maura didn't doubt that at all.

"Sometimes that's not enough," Maura told her; she knew what she was talking about.

"You have no idea what we're dealing with, have you?" Jane asked and raised an eyebrow at her friend.

"No," she said. "But I don't want you to be too close until we do."

Jane sighed in frustration. She was at a loss.

"We'll take care of that and I will do everything to protect you, I promise," she said and Maura had no other chance but surrender and accept her friend's demand for now.

It was past 6pm when they arrived in front of her house; Maura saw two police cruisers parked on the street and two officers looking pretty bored. She didn't know their names but she had seen them around. Jane looked at her and they got out of the car. Frost walked toward them and Maura was glad that he was the one checking her house and not some cop she didn't know. She trusted Frost enough to feel safe knowing he was the one doing it.

"I don't know what you're looking for or what we're supposed to look for," he started to explain. "But we couldn't find anything or any traces by now," he said and Maura nearly laughed. She hadn't expected anything else she started feeling like a fool; distracting the detectives from their work for nothing while they were two dead ones who deserved to find peace and find the one who did this.

"We'll find something," Frost said and looked at Maura. "Whatever it is," he said and Maura felt a little relieved, knowing that he obviously didn't think she was crazy. He seemed to take it seriously and she was extremely grateful for that.

"Frost?" someone called him.

"We need to know exactly what was out of place," he said.

Maura nodded. "Thank you," she said and he turned around to go back into the house.

"Let's go," Jane said and followed her partner. She looked around carefully but just like Maura told her, there was nothing that seemed odd in some way. Frost was still talking to someone whose name she didn't know and it took him only a few minutes to talk to them again.

"Lights are not working," he said. "But we checked the fuses, seems fine. Despite the fact that someone loosened the light bulbs which was why nothing worked when you tried the switched," he explained. "They're still working, they were just loose."

"Why would someone do that?" Jane asked again; she didn't recall any case where someone had done something so stupid.

"Maybe they wanted to scare me," Maura said. She couldn't think of anything else. "Or confuse me. I don't know," she said and shrugged.

"We'll have someone watching your house," Jane said and Frost nodded. "Let's get some of your things," Jane said and turned to Maura. "And then we're outta here for a while."

Maura nodded and Jane followed her upstairs while she put some clothes and toiletries in a bag.

"I'm sorry I can't be honest with your for now," Maura said and sat down on the edge of the bed. "I know that you know that something's not quite right here. We both know that," she explained and wasn't sure where this was going.

"But I can't tell you now," she said and faced Jane. "It's not safe," she whispered and waited for Jane to say something. She thought about it for a second and nodded.

"When this is over, I promise I will tell you everything."

"Don't you trust me?" she wanted to know.

"I trust you more then anyone else I've ever met," Maura said.

"Then why can't we talk now?" Jane wanted to know. "I can't just stand here without doing anything!"

"I don't know if there's anything you can do for now," Maura said. "It's too dangerous," she thought about it for a moment. The weren't dealing with stupid people, there was a reason she made the decision that had changed her life. "There are some things that I you can deal with or protect yourself of," she said and got up to take Jane's hands. "I know its not fair and I'm asking for way too much but you have to trust me," Maura begged her. "Just for now. Promise me you won't try to work it out on your own, please!"

"Let's not do this here," Jane said and nodded to answer what Maura was asking of her.

_Did she have a chance? _


	8. High Time

**A/N: Thank you all for your wonderful reviews! I hope you like it; keep 'em coming, they make my day go round ;)**

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><p><em>They looked at each other for a very long time and no one dared to say a word. They were both lost in thoughts, silenced by the words that had just been spoken. Thoughtful because of the offer that had just been made. She looked at the Director, not knowing what to do. It was a decision that couldn't be made easily and still, they were running out of time. <em>

_She was afraid of the things that were still awaiting them; things no one could expect but they all knew that he would try to strike again sooner or later but this time they had to be faster and smarter. Kate looked at her boss, numbed by all the emotions that suddenly weighed on her. She didn't know if she'd be able to make such a decision and deal with all the consequences. She didn't know if she'd be strong enough to life a lie for the rest of her life; leaving everything behind. _

_She was scared of the things that lay ahead and scared of he consequences, should she decline the offer. There was no other way out of the situation but death. In any way. _

"_I know it's a lot to ask for," Jenny said after a while; during the time Kate had worked with the NCIS she'd always liked her. She was friendly and Kate respected her in every way and on a certain level they'd become friends and she was very grateful for that. _

"_I don't know what to do," she admitted and leaned back in her chair; never loosing her out of view. "There aren't many ways to protect you from people who know exactly what we do, they aren't stupid," she explained._

"_And walking away is a smart decision?" Kate asked calmly; she wasn't convinced by the idea. She was a former Secret Service agent, she'd never walked away from a problem._

"_That's a matter of planning," Jenny explained. "I wish there'd be another way, but I'm afraid there isn't and I couldn't life with the fact of endangering you just because someone's got a problem with Gibbs! We can't protect you any longer and it wouldn't be right to let you walk out there every day without having offered you this."_

"Get away from the window," Jane said when she walked by and mentally slapped herself for sounding so harsh. She didn't meant to be so mad but she had no idea what to do.

"Sure," Maura answered calmly; she'd noticed the change in Jane's words and although she couldn't blame her, it hurt a little. She felt the guilt burning like acid in her stomach; the truth weighing heavily on her shoulders but she didn't have a chance but keep quiet for now. Jane was right, standing by the window while you're hiding from someone who could be anywhere was a very stupid thing to do. She watched Jane putting her gun and her badge in the drawer by the door the way she always does when she gets home.

_There's so much I know about her, _Maura thought. _And there's still so much she deserves to know. _

Jane had spent nights at Maura's house and vice versa and she had always enjoyed the sleepover's but tonight was different. Everything had changed and she wasn't sure how to handle it. She wanted to know what was going on in Maura's life. What was she missing? She wanted to know what was causing her trouble; she knew there was something Maura was keeping from her. She didn't even deny it, she just kept telling her that she couldn't tell her the truth.

_Doesn't she trust me?_ Jane thought and couldn't ignore the hint of disappointment that came along with that. She couldn't remember a single moment she'd given Maura a reason to distrust her and yet she didn't tell her what was going on.

All Jane wanted to do was protect her the way she had always done but something told her that things would never be the same again. Things had changed, her feelings had changed. The more she thought about it and the more it worried her, the more she realized how much this woman meant to her. Jane never wanted it to happen, she had never allowed herself to let her feelings cross the boundaries of friendship but she had to admit that even she wasn't strong enough to do anything against it. It was there, her feelings were there and she couldn't imagine that there will ever be something to make that change. She allowed herself to fall in love with her best friend. She, the one who always pretended to be strong and invincible. She was the though detective who tried her best not to show any kind of emotion at work or in general. She'd thought it would make her look weak but she had to accept that falling in love wasn't a sign of weakness and yet it didn't make things easier.

She sat down on the couch, leaned back and sighed. It hadn't made things easier in any way. She felt good when she was with Maura and kissing her had made her feel incredible. She'd never felt like that before and she wanted more. Everything seemed different when she was with Maura; hugging her made everything better and she found herself relaxing for just one moment when everything else around them seemed to fall apart. She'd been so keen on pushing people away after all that had happened and now that she was finally ready to let Maura in, it didn't seem to work either. She wanted to be with Maura and forget about everything that was happening around them. There she was; standing at the other side of the room and still Jane felt unable to reach her.

Being in love with her hadn't made it all easier; it also made her worry even more. It was driving her mad that there was nothing she could do and that they still had no idea who was responsible for the death of the two men and that someone had been in her friend's house. She couldn't even think about it, just the imagination made her furious and feeling terribly helpless at the same time.

_What if this person had broken into her house while she was there, maybe while she was asleep and she hadn't even noticed?_ She laid her face in her hands and tried to push the images away that seeped into her mind; it sent a shiver down her spine and made her feel the same rage she'd felt when Hoyt was chasing her and suddenly her heart skipped a beat.

_No,_ she thought. _That couldn't be._ She shook her head, she didn't want to believe it. Not until she knew for sure that it couldn't have been him._ I made sure he was locked up. Again! _No matter how hard she tried to tell herself that it couldn't be him, she couldn't ignore the voice inside her mind either. It wouldn't be the first time for him to manage things from behind bars and find someone to follow his orders.

_He knows me better then I want him too,_ she thought. _And he knows Maura._

"Jane?" Maura asked and approached. "What is it?"

She sat down on the couch next to Jane who refused to look at her.

"Jane?" she asked again and put a hand on her arm. She knew she was the last person to ask for anything or any kind of information at the moment but she just couldn't help it and she couldn't ignore the fear she'd seen on Jane's face.

"I just... I just thought of something," Jane said and took a deep breath. Maura wanted to comfort her and tell her that everything would be alright but she secretly doubted it at the moment. She wasn't in the position to make any kind of promise. Just like Jane, she was at a loss. She wanted to let Jane know what had happened years ago and at the same time all she wanted was keeping Jane safe while she was longing to be with her. She knew she shouldn't let it happen but she wasn't strong enough for that. She needed it as much as she wanted it.

Jane looked at her best friend and Maura registered more then just the need to know. There was the same hint of fear in her eyes she'd seen when _The Surgeon_ tried to kill her. Maura wasn't stupid; she had a brilliant memory when it came to that and she slowly understood what Jane must've thought about.

_Hoyt._

"Jane," Maura said again; softer this time.

"It can't be him," Jane said; she knew that Maura knew what this is about. "It just can't be. That's ridiculous," Jane said and Maura noticed the slight trembling in her voice. She didn't know if she was just scared or very furious. Maybe it was a little bit of both.

"I never thought about him," Maura whispered.

"I swear, if I find out he got close to you," Jane said through gritted teeth and Maura reached out with her right hand, softly touching Jane's cheek.

"It's okay," she said calmly. "Let them check it," she said and Jane closed her eyes. She relaxed a little took a deep breath. Maura leaned in a little when Jane opened her eyes. "We'll be alright," Maura said.

"Okay," she said after a few seconds and cleared her throat. She got up to get her phone; Maura watched her but couldn't sit there without doing anything. She walked over to the window and made sure that every single one was closed before she closed the curtains as well. She felt restless and couldn't just sit here and wait; while she listened to Jane talking on the phone she decided to make some tea. As she filled the kettle with water she asked herself if Jane even had any tea at home.

"How's it going?" she asked and paced the room; bitting her lip. Maura watched her from the corner of her eye.

_It really couldn't be him, _she thought.

"Nothing so far," Frost answered. "Everything is calm; nothing unusual around her house," he told her and Jane felt relieved that at least that part seemed to be fine tonight and she didn't have to worry about something new for now.

"I need you to check something for me," she said.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I wanna know what Hoyt's been up to," she said and started to chew on the fingernail of her right thumb. Maura knew she always does it when she's nervous or scared.

"You really think he...-"

"Just check it, okay?" she interrupted him and heard him typing on a keyboard.

"I'll let you know," he said.

"Thanks."

Jane disconnected the call and looked at Maura across the room and all Jane wanted to do was hug her and let the time pass without paying attention but she couldn't do it; not until she knew what was going on.

"You want some tea?" Maura asked.

"I have tea?" Jane asked and raised an eyebrow at her; Maura laughed quietly and it felt good even if it didn't last too long.

"I admit I'm surprised about that, but you do," Maura said and poured Jane a cup of tea.

"I bet my mum brought it," Jane said and smiled. "I can't even remember the last time I had tea..."

"Considering the time, I don't think coffee would be such a great idea."

"I'm not sure if I'll get much sleep anyways," she said quietly and tried to pretend she was fine but they both knew nothing was fine.

Jane sipped her tea and Maura smiled at the way she grimaced at the taste of it.

"Do you want to watch a movie or something?" Maura asked and pointed at the phone on the table. "While we wait?"

"I don't know," Jane said and put her cup down. "I have no idea what to do!" she said and Maura noticed the desperation in her voice. She watched Jane entering her bedroom and put her cup down; she put both both hands on the edge of the counter and closed her eyes, taking a few deep breaths.

_That's going to be a long night,_ she thought.

She grabbed the phone and walked into the bedroom; Jane was sitting on the bed and Maura remained by the doorway for a few moments. She was trying to figure out what to say but maybe it was better not to say anything right now.

"Don't look at me like that," Jane said without looking at Maura. "I'm trying to be angry with you."

Maura smiled to herself and entered the room, putting the phone on the nightstand. She sat down on the bed beside Jane, close enough to feel the warmth of her body soothing her even just a little. After a while, Jane laid an arm around Maura who snuggled to her.

"How did we end up here?" she asked quietly and Maura bit her lip without answering the question. It didn't take too long for Frost to call, but it felt like an eternity and it frightened them both when the piercing sound of the cell disturbed the silence.

Jane reached out for the phone.

"Rizzoli?" she answered and sat up straight.

"It's not him, Jane," Frost said and Jane sighed. She felt relieved immediately but needed a few more seconds to process the information. "He's in lock-down and under surveillance 24/7. No contact to anyone," he explained. "I had it checked Jane, he's not our man."

"That's... that's good," Jane said.

"Yeah, but we still got a killer on the loose," he reminded her. "Watch out, Jane."

"Alright. Thank you and take care," she said.

"See you in the morning," he said and dropped the call.

"It's not him," Jane said and hugged Maura tightly. She was so relieved that she felt like she was going to cry.

"Alright, I'm going to take a shower," she said and wiped the corner of her eye with her sleeve.

"Yeah," Maura answered quietly and leaned back on the bed. She waited until she heard the sound of water before she left the room to make sure the apartment was safe. By the time she returned to he bedroom, nothing had changed. She laid down on the bed and closed her eyes. She was exhausted and extremely unhappy with herself. The whole situation made her feel frustrated and she just didn't know what to do.

_#4: If you have a secret, the best thing is to keep it to yourself. The second-best is to tell one other person if you must. There is no third best._

She took a deep breath and let the tears flow, falling down on either side of her face. There was nothing she could do about but she realized that she couldn't wait any longer. She had to tell Jane the truth, she knew she had to before it was too late.

By the time Jane finished her shower she had already fallen asleep.

_Washington D.C.:_

"What is it boss?" Tony asked when he entered the room. He sat down on one of the chairs and stared at the big screen in front of him. There was nothing that appeared very interesting to him at the moment.

"Looks like an old friend decided to us a visit," Gibbs said and Tony didn't miss the bitterness in his voice. He raised an eyebrow at Gibbs and waited for more.

"Us?"

"Well, not exactly. That's the part where it gets tricky," he said and pushed a button on the remote control and the screen showed a man in his thirties.

"Nasir Nabil Bata," Tony read. "Never heard that name before."

"No, but one of his closest friends was Ari Hasawari," Gibbs said. "Wanna guess who he's working for?"

"I can imagine," Tony said. "What's he up to?"

"I'm not so sure about that at the moment but he seems to have a special interest in this woman," he said and the screen changed again. This time it showed the picture of a woman who was familiar to both of them. It was another picture of Dr. Maura Isles along with some basic background information.

"Born on November 25th; lives in Boston/Massachusetts. Chief Medical Examiner for the Boston Police Department," Gibbs read out the information. "No criminal records of any kind; graduated from BCU and Harvard Med at the top of her class. She's leading a quiet life in one of the best quarters in Boston. Now tell me, why would the Mossad be interested in a woman like this?"

"Because she's not the one she pretends to be?" Tony guessed and they both already knew where this was leading them. "Is it true?"

"It looks like it is," Gibbs said. "But it's not easy to get any kind of information; the only one who obviously knew about it was Director Shepard."

"That leaves only one person who knows the truth now," Tony said.

"Caitlin," Gibbs answered and nodded.

"I don't understand..." Tony said after a few seconds. "Why?"

Gibbs shrugged. "I guess the only way to find out is to talk to her."

"What if she doesn't want to? There were reasons she did this, what if she doesn't want to be found?"

"If I know how to protect her, even after all this time, I will do so. If she's happy about it or not."

"So we'll just show up in Boston? Surprise, surprise!"

"Do we have a chance?" Gibbs asked. He had no idea what was the best thing to do. How to approach her after considering her dead for the last couple of years. He didn't know what to think, why she decided to do that to all of them and most of all to herself.

"All I know is that we're running out of time," he finally said.

"When are we going?" he wanted to know.

"Tomorrow morning," his boss said and the conversation was over.

_She sighed and looked at her boss; she really seemed desperate to a certain point. It wasn't an offer you'd just bring up over a cup of coffee and she'd seen what they were capable of and she'd lie saying that it hadn't scared her. _

"_What am I supposed to do?" she asked the Director; she hadn't made a decision but she wanted to know what'd expect her. "I can't just disappear!"_

"_You'll be dead."_


	9. Shadows

_How stupid she was. Did she really think she could hide from us forever? It was just a matter of time although I have to say that she did a great job. It took me years to find her; she looks pretty and that even makes me feel sorry for killing her but there's no way around it. _

_I laugh to myself at the thought of scaring her. I couldn't just walk up and kill her; that would've been way to easy. I had to do it slowly and it worked pretty well. I realized that she'd had changed a lot, she was leading a rather interesting life; too bad it'd be over soon. _

_I look out of the window, the sun was just rising over the city of Boston. A beautiful day to die, I think. She had no idea who I am and she probably won't know me but it doesn't matter. I know exactly who she is, who she used to be and I'll never forget what she took away from me. He was my best friend and if it hadn't been for her, he'd still be alive. There was a reason he wanted her out of the way and she thought she was smart enough to simply walk away but I'll finish what he started. I have to finish it tonight._

_I could've easily killed her while she was sleeping; I've walked through her house a few times and she didn't even notice. How easy that would've been but I can't doing without letting them know the truth. I want them to know what she did and who she was; they seem to have no idea and I want to watch her when her life falls apart in front of her eyes before I kill her. I want to see the look on her friend's face when they learn the truth. _

_I wonder if she got the hints I set out for her, I think while I walk through my living room. She'd always been intelligent and I like the way that she might know what was happening. It made the whole thing a little more exciting on my part. There was just one job left to take care of before the finale tonight._

_I look at the rose that I bought earlier. A beautiful one; such a pity it'd be her last. _

Jane watched her sleeping for a while and even in the semi-darkness of the night her beauty was remarkable. She had no idea what was going on inside her head; she didn't even had an imagination of what was about to happen. She couldn't know that, by the time she'd open her eyes the next morning, her life would never be the same again.

The only sound in the bedroom was the even breathing of Maura Isles while she slept soundly through the night, not knowing that her best friend was watching her. Jane didn't know what to do; she couldn't sleep. The shower had helped to calm down a little, but her brain refused to let her sleep. She kept asking herself what might be Maura's secret, what was troubling her. What had happened in her life that made her too scared to tell her best friend? There were a million possibilities but Jane certainly didn't expect the truth. Maura's life had always seemed so well-organized and controlled; so reasonable and peaceful that Jane could hardly believe that there was more to it. That there were things of her friend's past that made it too dangerous to talk about. She had never seen Maura like this and it was hard for her to deal with it. She seemed to fall apart a little more with each passing day. Her perfect image was cracking and the way she had asked Jane for her trust scared her a little. She'd seen the fear and the desperation in her eyes, the begging sound of her voice.

She silently shook her head to herself; she felt lonely and there was no one she could talk to. Maura was the only person she thought of when she had to talk to someone. When she needed someone she could trust or someone to comfort her. There was no one else and she knew she didn't want anyone else.

I love you so much, she thought when she looked at the sleeping woman next to her. She laid down carefully and laid her arm around Maura. She leaned in a little closer without waking up and Jane closed her eyes. Though sleep refused to come she felt better with the warmth of Maura's body and waited until she finally fell asleep.

_I walk out of the elevator, carrying the evidence box because Abby asked me to do it for her. Nothing wrong with that; I see the 'No entry' sign flashing read above the door and I know I can't enter because I'm not wearing the appropriate clothes to protect myself from being infected with whatever was requiring protective clothes. I was told to leave the box in front of the door but I know something is wrong. Ducky had called me Abby on the phone, knowing it was me. He'd hung up on me which was something he would never do. I knock on the glass front of the door; all I can see is Gerald and he has turned his back to me. I wave when the two men turn around._

"_You can leave it there," Ducky said and I tell him that he has to sign it._

"_Well," he said and seemed at a loss of words. I had never seen him like that before. "I can't open the doors with you there."  
><em>

"_What's the infection?" I want to know._

"_Don't know yet... he had a pustule on his thigh," he laughed nervously. "Maybe nothing... yeah, I'll sign," he said and I look at him, trying to figure out what I'm missing. I know something's going very wrong there. "Cross my heart," he said and made a sign with his right hand. I don't know what he's talking about because I don't know anything about sign language but I know he wants to tell me something. A part of me wants to leave and get help, whatever that may useful for but I can't leave him alone down here._

Abby knows how to sign_, I remember. _

"_I beat my phobia," I tell him, playing along._

"_Yes, so I see... Abby," he said and didn't use my name again. Why would he do that? "Well done," he says and turns around again, leaving me by the door without another word. I sigh and put the box down, I couldn't go in there. I turned around and pressed the button of the elevator. The door opening and I hear the familiar hiss of the door behind me, it has just opened. I turn around and he stand in front of me. By the time I reach for my gun he has already pointed his at me. I frighten and he has me trapped between the elevator and his gun. "When did lab rats start carrying Sig Sauers?" I don't know what to say but I know that one wrong movement would kill me. _

_The next thing I remember is that I'm laying on an autopsy table; his hands all over my body while looking for hidden weapons. I feel helpless and there's nothing I could do. He finds my ID in my jacket._

_"Special Agent Caitlin Todd," he says and looks at me. _

"_You any good with that gun, Caitlin?" he asked and I hear him taking the gun._

_"Give it back and I'll demonstrate," I shot back and keep my hands protectively around my head. _

"_Mhm, ever fiery..." he says more to himself. "In anger."_

"_Did you shoot Kasam?" he wants to know but I don't say a word. _

"_She didn't shoot him," Ducky suddenly says. _

_"Who did?" Ari asks; going through the box to search for something._

"_Special Agent Gibbs," he tells him. _

"_Ducky!" I warn him; I still haven't figured out how to get out there without being killed. I probably never would. _

"_That name rings a bell, Dr. Mallard," Ari says. _

"_Don't answer this bastard," I tell him. I'm furious but I know I have to be careful. _

"_You mustn't chastise the good Doctor, Caitlin," he says and I hate him for using my first name like that. I want to get out of here, but my body refuses to function. I know, I'm trapped. _

"_At least not... until you know my rules."_

"_I don't play by terrorists rules!"_

"_Who says I'm a terrorist?" he asks and looks at a capsule. He may have found what he was looking for. He out it in the pocket of his shirt._

"_Doctor?" he asks. "Is this all the evidence?"_

"_It looks like all of it."_

"_Caitlin? You may roll over now," he tells me and I feel my heart hammering against my chest. I'm afraid but I'm also alert. "If you keep your hands where they are," he warns me. I slowly do as I was told. _

_I feel things getting blurry. I try to listen but parts of the conversation are gone. I'm scared I missed some important things but I can't go back, I've lost parts of it. I hear a distant gunshot and I heard cries of pain but I can't see anything. I'm scared because I don't know what's happening and if I'll be next. I hear a the siren's. They know we're trapped in there; I try to open my eyes but I can't. _

_The next thing I feel is the feeling of cold metal against my right palm. I'm holding a scalpel; things start to sharpen again. _

"_Dr. Mallard thinks that you were daring me to pick up this knife," I say and hold it in front of his face. How stupid I've been, I know that now. _

"_The proper term is a dissecting tool," he corrects me. _

"_You didn't answer my question!"_

"_You just wanted an excuse to shoot Gerald, didn't you?" he laughs and I feel the rage rushing through my body. Without thinking, I try to stab him but he catches my hand and pulls me close; I can feel his breath on my face._

"_I didn't plan on shooting Gerald again," he whispers. "I did, however, wanted to see if I was right about you!" _

"_Next time I'll be quicker," I tell him; if only I had known there wouldn't be a next time. He started laughing in my face and his grip tightens around my hand so hard that it hurts but I don't show it. He just laughs at me. _

"Stupid girl," he calls me. "Such a stupid girl, you should've killed me when you had the chance to," he says. "You know you made a mistake," he says. "I'll find you. I'll find you wherever you are," he whispers and tightens his arms around me. I want to run away, I want to get away from him but I can't move; someone's holding me. The last time I hear before everything fades to black is my own scream.

Everything changed but I can still hear it. I felt my heart beating, a fine layer of sweat covered my face and I breathe. I know I'm still alive but I can't move. I try to turn around when I realize that there's someone else. The pain numbs my body again. He's still there, I think.

"No, no, no," I whispered and I heard it again. It sounded familiar.

"Maura!" someone said. "It's alright," she said and she sounds worried. She kept her arms wrapped around my body and her hand touched my face. "Maura," she said again and I open my eyes. It took a couple of seconds until reality set in and I started to realize where I was.

_Jane, _she thought. She finally knew she was safe. She looked at her and tried to calm down.

"Maura, it's alright," she said and Maura nodded absentmindedly. She could still hear his laughter ringing in her ears; she still heard him using her name. She was furious and scared at the same time. How right he had been; she should've killed him when she had the chance to do so but she'd hesitated just a second too long.

Maura relaxed in Jane's arms and took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry," Maura whispered; she didn't know what there was to be sorry for but she couldn't think of anything else.

"You sure you're okay?" Jane asked quietly.

"I hope so," Maura admitted and Jane leaned forward to kiss her. Jane laid her head on Maura's shoulder, her arm draped across her stomach; keeping her protectively close. She felt Maura's heart still beating rapidly; her breath slowly calming down from whatever nightmare had scared her so much. If only Jane knew that most of the dream hadn't simply been a nightmare at all. #

It was a part of her friend's past.

Maura woke up and the first thing she realized was the headache caused by a lack of sleep and certainly too much stress. She kept her eyes closed and felt Jane still snuggled to her; her body was warm and her presence soothing. Maura didn't move; she didn't want to wake Jane. Once had been enough only a few hours ago. She'd wait until she woke up and remain quiet until then.

While she laid there, she thought of her nightmare. There was only one question she kept asking herself.

_Why?_

Why did I hesitate? Why hadn't I been just a second quicker? She sighed and closed her eyes. It was all done and she couldn't change it; the best thing she could do now was look straight ahead and keep going, wherever that may take her.

She moved a little and turned on her site to face Jane; she moved a little but remained asleep.

_Do I even deserve you? _She asked herself and bit her lip. A few years ago she had never even dreamed of waking up next to a woman, never even considered it possible that she'd love someone so much. That was what she did, no matter how many times she thought it through. She loved Jane dearly and she wouldn't want to go back.

A smile crossed hr lips when she thought _What would Tony say, could he see me now?_ The smile slowly faded and was replaced with a feeling of sadness. She would love to know how he was doing; how he looked like and was he still the same? She had never given them much of a thought, it all happened so quickly that there'd hardly been time to look back. She had been so busy with getting her life back on track that she never had a chance to do so. It was too dangerous to let anyone know and she never realized how much she missed them all. She wanted to talk to them and tell them that she was right there and she wanted to let them know how sorry she was and that she missed them all. She doubted it'd ever happen. _Maybe, _she thought. _One day. _

"Stop watching me while I'm sleeping," Jane whispered and Maura laughed.

"You're not sleeping," Maura said and Jane opened her eyes.

"Not anymore," she said.

"Sorry I woke you earlier." she said quietly.

"You scared me," Jane said honestly.

"Tell me about it," Maura said and took Jane's hand. She just couldn't stop herself; she needed the physical contact.

"What was it about?" Jane asked and Maura shook her head.

"I don't know," she said and once again felt the guilt burning in her stomach. "I don't remember much," she began to explain. "I was trapped in an autopsy room and it was dark," she said and thought that it wasn't a complete lie. "There were other people. Alive ones and there were gunshots and I heard people screaming..."

"Did I hit you or something?" Maura asked carefully after a second and Jane laughed.

"No, you didn't," she said.

"Are we allowed to leave the house today?" Maura wanted to know, she know it might not be safe but she couldn't spend another day here without doing anything as much as she loved Jane's place.

"I don't know," Jane said though she was dreading it. She wanted to do something and she certainly wouldn't let anyone tell her to stay at home all day while there was an unsolved crime.

"Let's just go to the Police Department, I have to do something," she said. "I can't just hang out all day and neither can you."

"You're right," Jane agreed. "Let's just hope we'll find something new."

Less then two hours later they arrived at the BPD and Maura joined Jane and the others while they discussed the details of their case; they all knew it somehow mattered to Maura as well and no one would ever ask her to leave. No one even asked questions why she was there even when she didn't play an active role in a case or had some useful information.

Maura sat next to Jane's desk, sipping coffee. They were still waiting for a breakthrough; looking for more information, anything that might help but there didn't seem to be anything.

"What are we going to do?" Maura asked.

"I wish I'd know," Jane admitted. "Let's get some food and a movie," Jane suggested.

"My choice?" Maura asked while she took her purse.

"Let me think about it..." Jane said on their way out. "Actually, no," she said and Maura laughed.

It had gotten quite late and Maura leaned her head against Jane's shoulder. The movie was over and she was tired and for just a moment everything seemed like it always has been and no one even considered that it'd all be over soon. Jane's phone rang and they both looked at each other before she answered it.

"Rizzoli," she said and listened for a few moments; her right hand touched her forehead and she sighed.

"Yes," she said. "Alright, we'll be there."

"Don't tell me..." Maura started but Jane nodded.

"There's another body. Frost said there's something weird about it but he wasn't quite specific," Jane said.

It was already dark by the time they reached the crime scene and no one knew that their lives would never be the same again come daylight.


	10. Rosefern

Maura stepped out of the car and felt a shiver running down her spine; she didn't know if it was actually chilly since the sun was gone or if it was simply her lack of sleep and the exhaustion that slowed her down recently.

Frost met them by the car and pointed to the street in front of them; the crime scene tape was visible at all possible entrances to the street and it was dark except for the street lights. The street appeared entirely empty but there was a single dark shadow in the middle of the street that made you think twice.

"What have we got?" Jane wanted to know and put a pair of blue latex gloves on. Maura listened only half-heartedly; she kept scanning the streets with her eyes the way she had always looked at a crime scene back in time when her role at each one of them had been a different one. There were lots of dark parts and side entrances.

_There's no way they secured them all,_ she thought though she didn't doubt that anyone hadn't done his job properly. She was nervous but she couldn't tell why. She followed Frost's outstretched arm with her eyes and gazed into the street.

"Again it seems to be a man in his thirties, no ID," Frost explained. "But as I told you, there's something weird about this one," he said and they all ducked under the crime scene tape to approach the body. "According to the uniform, he's a marine."

Maura listened carefully and tried not to miss any detail while she mentally prepared herself to do the job she was supposed to do.

"A marine?" Jane asked. "What was he doing in Boston?" Jane said more to herself.

"Fleet week's over," Frost said and nodded. "Even If he was still in town, why would he be alone?"

"Any witnesses?" Jane asked and Maura already knew the answer. Frost shook his head. "No one knew a thing, no one heard a thing."

"How did you find out?" Jane asked and Maura walked around Jane to have a look at the victim; her heart hammering against her chest. She had dealt with dead marines while she was still with the NCIS, someone certainly knew it. It couldn't be a coincidence again.

"Got an anonymous call," Frost said. "We're still trying to get a caller-ID but it doesn't look good."

He stepped aside and the moment Maura caught a glance at the body, her heart skipped a beat. It felt like all air had been sucked out of her lungs. She couldn't breathe or think straight; she knew something had been terribly wrong all along.

_You should leave,_ she thought as she looked at the corpse in horror, frozen by her fear that was now blankly writing on her face.

"What the hell is that?" Jane asked and Maura only heard her voice from afar. She couldn't move even if she wanted to; she remained crouched down in front of a strangers body. Numbed by the fear and the urge to run away but it was too late.

Whoever that man was hadn't been killed by a bullet through the chest like the other two but by a straight headshot. Expect from the dark wound in the middle of his forehead it looked like he was sleeping.  
>Maura shook her head to herself; she felt panic crawling up her neck and it appeared fairly hard to breathe and keep control.<p>

"_It has to be definite," Jenny explained. "We can't mess this up; they have to be one hundred percent sure that the shot killed you otherwise there will be doubts, people will ask questions."_

_Kate nodded, she knew the best solution was a straight headshot. There would be no doubt that it didn't kill her. _

She saw it in front of her eyes, she heard the Director talking; her voice echoing in Maura's mind like it happened yesterday. She suddenly hated the feeling of not being able to protect herself; she wasn't carrying a gun and there was no way she'd get one now. A part of her knew that it might be too late already.

She forced herself to take a look at he rest of the body and found his hands folded in front of his chest the way dead ones rested in a coffin; in his hands he held a red rose. It was exactly the same she had found on her doorstep and she knew that it had all been done on purpose. It all seemed so clear now.

She felt herself panicking; she had to make them leave to keep them all safe. To keep herself safe. She felt the tears burning in her eyes; tears of fear and helplessness. She'd been working so hard to get where she was now after she'd been forced to leave her old life behind and now all she could do was watch it falling apart.

"Maura, what's up?" Jane asked, she had noticed that something was wrong with her friend and crouched down beside her.

"It's gonna be alright," Jane joked and tried to cheer her up. "We've seen worse," she said and Maura realized that her hand was shivering when she placed it on Jane's knee to keep herself steady. She felt her feet getting numb because of her position.

"No," Maura whispered. "No, no, no," she said and desperately shook her head. "You have to leave," she told Jane and looked at her. "Now!"

"Maura, no! I'm not going anywhere until I know what is going on here," she said and put her hand on Maura's. The seriousness and the terrified look in her friend's eyes scared her because it was something she had never seen before but she wouldn't leave her tonight.

"Please, Jane," Maura whispered and the tears fell down her cheeks. "You have to leave."

"And then? What's going to happen if I leave?" she asked and Maura knew she was getting mad and worried at the same time.

"I wish I knew," she admitted and looked down at her feet; her vision blurry from the tears.

"I know I haven't been honest with you," Maura whispered without looking at her best friend. "I have asked you for your trust many times and I'm grateful for all the patience you've had with me, but I need you to leave for your own safety."

"What... what is it Maura, I just don't understand! Is there anyone threatening you?" she asked because she didn't know what else to say.

"I think the message is pretty clear," Maura said and looked at the body in front of them. "Did they secure all the entrances to the street?" she asking, trying to change the subject for now.

"Of course they did," Jane said and nodded.

"Is someone still out there?"

"Yeah, we have two officers checking the street on the back," Jane said and got up; so did Maura.

"Call them back," she told Jane with a tone of authority and determination that she hadn't used in years and it surprised them both. "Call them back and don't let anyone behind the barriers."

"I'm asking you again," Jane said calmly. "Do you have any idea what we're dealing with?"

"Yes," Maura finally answered. "And you should be expecting the worst."

Jane turned to leave and their eyes locked again. For one second she thought she was looking at a stranger instead of the Chief Medical Examiner; her best friend and the woman she loved. She knew something was changing between them; she had never seen her like this and she couldn't explain it. All she knew is that it hurt a lot to know that she was hiding something from Jane. Even until the very end.

She walked back to her car to tell Frost to call the officers back and asked herself at the same time why she was following Maura's orders. She knew something as off but she still wanted to believe that her friend knew what she was doing.

Maura stared into the darkness of the street. She felt her heart hammering against her chest and missed the heavy feeling of her gun on her hip. She had nothing to protect herself while she stood in the middle of a deserted street.

_One gunshot out of nowhere and it'd be over, _she thought bitterly and yet she couldn't move. She knew that everyone was watching her from behind; waiting for a sign, a piece of information but that was something she couldn't give them now.

_#15: Always work as a team._

She remembered that too well and it was the best thing she could try now. She almost laughed out loud when she thought of another rule. It hadn't taken long to memorize them all because Gibbs had kept repeating them constantly.

_#45: Clean up your messes. _

She'd gotten them into the mess more or less and she'd failed to be honest with her best friend and the best thing she could do now was trying to get the body away from the crime scene and get away to a place that was safe for all of them. She knew what they were capable of, she'd seen so many things she never even considered possible. She remembered how easy it had been to put a bomb into someone's home and no one ever knew. Not until it was too late.

The same thing could've happened to her house or even worse, to Jane's and they wouldn't know until it was too late. A part of her knew that things would never end if she walked away no, but did she have any choices? She couldn't life the lie any longer. She'd lost all her strength to fight and her will to lie. She knew she couldn't do it any more. She had to stay and face it, no matter the outcome.

She knew Jane was watching her and she thought of all them things she hadn't told her; she thought of the kiss that had her confused and aching for more at the same time. The feeling of safety she felt when she was with Jane. She wanted to tell her everything because she deserved to know the truth and the thought of not being able to do that almost killed her. She tried to control her breathing and keep her mind clear; she had to focus, she had to concentrate.

Unwillingly, she turned around and faced the detectives and officers who were waiting. Maura nodded and said only loud enough for them to hear: "Move the body." She turned around again and waited until the body was out of her site. She didn't examine the body properly but there was no need for pretending any more. The gunshot through the head had blown up his brain and there was no doubt it had killed him. Parts of it were still spread on the street along with a dark pool of blood.

Something told her that, whoever it was, wouldn't give up easily and she couldn't back off any longer. Not if she wanted to keep Jane safe and alive. What could she do? Ask Jane for her gun? She nearly laughed at herself for even thinking about it; she knew it'd never happen but before she had a chance to decide, she heard a sound breaking the silence of the empty street.

It took her a few seconds to realize that someone was clapping and that the sound was echoing from the walls of one of the empty alleys.

"Well done, well done," a male voice said loud enough for everyone to hear and she heard the detectives behind her fuzzing around. She couldn't see where the voice was coming from and she didn't dare turning around.

"Slow down, detectives," the man said and his voice was more aggressive and louder. "One more move and she'll be dead before you have the chance to reach your guns."

Maura heard whispers behind her but it appeared far away; she knew very well that he had an advantage. He saw them but they had no idea where he was. One wrong movement and it'd all be over.

_What have I done,_ she thought and felt the pressure on her chest increasing. She bit her lip and shook her head in defeat.

"Did you like my gift?" the voice asked and it seemed that it was approaching but she couldn't make out the direction it came from. "I heard you'd always been fond of roses, I thought you might enjoy it."

Maura heard him laughing; he knew he was the one pulling the strings from now on. There was nothing they could do and Jane would never risk her life; she would figure something out. Though she didn't want Jane to try anything, there was nothing she could do to keep her from it. That was the thing she always wanted to avoid and yet there was no turning back.

"I knew you'd be smart enough to get the hints," the man said but Maura didn't move.

_Have I heard that voice before? _She didn't remember it.

"Too bad it won't help you any longer," the man said and she knew from the sound of his voice she could tell he was enjoying this very much. She saw a shadow moving to her right; he was right there.

"You've tried so hard and yet it didn't get you anywhere, you'll die sooner or later," he said, slowly emerging from the shadows. He was well-built and tall. Dark haired and yet she couldn't see his face, but the gun in his hand.

Maura closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She wanted to cry; when she was still an NCIS agent she wouldn't even consider surrendering but things had changed.

_Will I really die tonight?_

She was terrified and numbed with fear but the only thing she could think of was Jane who would be there. She was there and yet so far away and the thought that she'd watch her die hurt Maura more then anything else. She never wanted to do that to Jane; she couldn't leave her like that. She knew Jane wouldn't be able to live with it for the rest of her life, it would kill her too.

The man approached, keeping a slight distance between them. She could see his face but she had no idea who he was. She had certainly never seen him before.

"Freeze!" she heard Jane shouting behind her but he didn't even look at her; he just laughed and seemed fairly unimpressed.

_He isn't afraid to die, _Maura thought. No sane person would walk out of a safe place in front of cops who had their guns drawn already. _What does he want?_ She asked herself but she knew the answer already.

_Me._

"Who are you?" Maura asked after a few seconds; she was surprised by the calmness of her own voice.

"I don't think it matters," he said. "But I know who you are," he said loud enough for everyone to hear and she knew why he did it. He knew they may kill him sooner or later, hopefully before he had the chance to pull the trigger but he wanted to make sure that he ruined her life before he died.

"Put the gun down!" Jane shouted again.

"Shut up!" he shouted back at her; Maura wanted to turn around and tell Jane not to do anything stupid. She just wanted to look at her one last time but she couldn't move. "I would listen Detective Rizzoli," he said. "Listen carefully."

He turned his attention back to Maura and said: "Don't you think they deserve to know the truth before you die, Caitlin?"

Jane watched the scenario in front of her. There was a stranger pointing a gun at the woman she thought she knew and there was nothing she could do. She only had one chance; one mistake and Maura would be dead. There was no doubt about. She'd seen what he did the last two times, there was no doubt he knew how to kill her in an instant.

_The truth, _Jane thought. _He knew it. He knew what she was keeping from me all the time. _For some reason Jane believed that he did, he seemed too confident to be bluffing. She kept her gun at arms length, praying that the back up would be here soon.

_Why did he call her Caitlin? _Jane didn't understand; she couldn't see Maura's face. She had her back turned to them and she kept perfectly still.

"Things are rarely what they seem to be," the man said loudly and they all listened; listened to what he was saying. Listening for anything unusual; for the distant sirens of the special units. "I have to say that you did a great job, it's been a few years. Took me a while to find you."

"Let me ask you something," he said and look at the detectives behind her. They weren't that close but Maura knew they'd hear every single word. "How much do you know about your dear friend?" he asked with a smile on his face.

Jane stared at the man and felt the rage rushing through her body but he had a point. She'd been asking herself that question many times already. There were so many things she didn't know about her but she never asked herself why. Why would Maura keep so many things away from her?

_Things are rarely what they seem to be. Caitlin._

"Well, then let me tell you a little story," he said and they might as well have been discussing that over a cup of coffee. He was playing a game and he was enjoying it way too much.

"A couple of years ago, there was a pretty Special Agent working for the NCIS; she was good no doubt about that. She used to work for the Secret Service, Rosefern wasn't that your sweet code name?" he paused for a second to let that sink in. For just one moment Maura was glad she couldn't see the faces of her friends. "Too bad she tried to mess with the wrong people."

"Why are you doing this?" Maura asked a little louder this time. She was furious and afraid and she pretended to be someone else long enough.

"Because you deserve it!" he shouted. "You deserved it all along!"

He turned the gun in his hand and she tried to take a deep breath.

"I bet no one knew that your pretty friend here is a liar!" he said. "A Goddamn liar!"

"Why are you doing this?" Maura asked and noticed the shaky sound of her own voice. "Why, if you're going to kill me!"

"Because I want your friends to know what you did, that you lied to them all those years. I just wanted to see the disappointment on their faces when they find out who you really are."

"There's nothing wrong with who I was."

"That doesn't change the fact that you are a liar, Caitlin. They've trusted you and I'll make sure that they never will no matter what you do... or not," he said and chuckled to himself. "They'll question everything your ever did, you know that?"

"You fucking bastard," she shouted at him and felt the rage taking over her body, yet she had to be careful; he laughed.

"I wonder Special Agent," he said and started pacing in front of her. "You still any good with a gun?"

"Give it to me and I'll show you!"

"Fiery one, you are. I can see why Ari liked you."

"Fuck you," she hissed and felt the tears burning in her eyes.

"Let's get back to the story," he said. "As I said, Special Agent Caitlin Todd thought it would be smart to run away. Change her identity and her profession. Even her appearance but I have to say I liked you a lot more when you were brunette." He remained silent for a second to let that sink in. "I watched you die once and I'm not doing it again. Not until I know I pulled the trigger myself!"

"They will shoot you the moment you pull the trigger," she said and prayed to God that it'd be over quickly.

"It'll be worth it," he said quietly. "I promised Ari I'd finish what he started. No matter how hard it would be."

"I feel sorry for you," Maura said and felt the tears burning on her face.

"How does it feel to lose everything you had?" he wanted to know and she kept quiet. "How does it feel to be all alone again?"

It felt like all her thoughts had vanished from her mind, she stared straight ahead but didn't see anything. She just stared into the empty space behind him; the rushing of her own blood in her ears was the only sound she still heard.

_I've come so far and it'd all end tonight, _she thought while the tears streamed down her face silently.

"What makes you think she's alone?" someone asked and the last thing Maura heard was a gunshot and Jane's screams in the distance before her knees hit the hard ground.


	11. Haze

_Where am I?_

_Does it hurt?_

_What happened?_

_I can hear them screaming, who's there?_

_I hear the sound of feet running on cold pavement, there are many people but I can't see them. Everything's happening so fast; I hear a woman shouting at a man. I know their voices; I'm still there. I hear someone crying; sobbing loudly._

_It takes a while to realize that it's me. I'm crying, I'm still there and I'm still alive. I raise my head slowly but my vision is blurred from the tears and the confusion. My heart is hammering against my chest; my blood raging through my body so fast that it makes me feel dizzy and light-headed. _

_He's there. He's still there but he's not moving. His body lays on the ground in front of me and I can see blood pooling on the street. It's over. I hear footsteps behind me and there's more shouting; I look up from the body and he's there. All three of them, but I've never seen the woman before. _

"_Don't shoot," he told the detectives behind me loudly and calm at the same time. _

"_Who are you?" Frost wants to know. _

Where's Jane?

"_Supervisory Special Agent Jethro Gibbs," he said. "NCIS." _

_There was silence after the statement and he kept talking. "This s Special Agent DiNozzo, Special Agent McGee and Officer David," he explained and pointed at each one of them when he said their names. He put his gun away and approached slowly. "We have no intention in messing with you but you need to let me explain," he said and tried to be friendly; he knew very well that Detectives never liked another authority messing with their crime scenes. He certainly hated it and he wasn't up for a stupid turf war right now. _

Maura was still sobbing quietly, trying to calm down. She was overwhelmed with everything that was happening. Only a few seconds ago she thought she was going to die and she would never see any of them again. The three people in front of her had already seen her dying once and she never thought she'd see them again either. There were still so many things that seemed confusing; so many questions that still needed answers and she didn't now if she was ready for that yet.

Jane watched her friend who was still kneeling on the street; she was crying and all Jane could do was watch and await what happened next. She was shocked not just by the information she got but for one second she thought that Maura had been shot. It left her unable to move or think, all she thought was that she hadn't been fast enough. She had hesitated too long and then it was over; how could she've been so stupid?

She wasn't quite ready for all of this, where should she start? She was confused and furious at the same time. She was disappointed and hurt, there she was. Right in front of her, sitting on the street in the middle of the night. She was crying and as much as Jane wanted to walk over and tell her that it'd all be alright, she couldn't move.

There were people claiming to be NCIS agents and she had no idea what they were doing here and why they knew this was happening tonight.

"Jane," Frost asked carefully. It took her a few seconds to realize that he was talking to her. "You gotta do something," he said and nodded in Maura's direction.

"I... I don't know..." she said and tried to get a grip on herself.

"She needs you," he said and Jane felt the pain inside her chest growing. She knew it was true and it broke her heart to see Maura like this. She didn't know what to say, she still hadn't processed all the information and she didn't even know if it was true.

"Maura," she said quietly and crouched down beside her. Her voice was low and shaky, it took all the strength she had to keep it steady. The last thing she needed was a breakdown in front of her team and the NCIS.

"I... I... Jane," she whispered. She didn't know what to say.

Gibbs watched them quietly for a moment before he walked over. It had been a while since he'd seen Kate. The last time had been the moment she died; or so he thought. He didn't know what was the right thing to do. Her death had been heard for all of them and he had no idea why she did what she did and a part of him was angry because she left them like this but the other part seemed relieved. It was really her and she was alive. Just like Jane he crouched down in front of Maura but addressed Jane first.

"Are you in charge here?"

"Yes, Detective Jane Rizzoli," she said and he nodded.

"I think we need to talk Detective Rizzoli," he told her. "Once we've cleaned up the mess."

Maura wiped the tears away with her sleeve and looked at Gibbs. She'd always trusted and confided in Gibbs; he'd believed in her from the first moment they met and yet she hadn't even been able to tell him the truth and she had never felt more sorry before.

"Good to see you, Caitlin," he said calmly and looked at her. She didn't know if he was angry or disappointed, it was hard to tell.

"I'm so sorry," she said quietly.

"So it's true?" Jane wanted to know and the sadness and the disappointed in her voice hurt Maura like a twisting knife in her stomach.

"Yes," she whispered without looking at Jane.

She didn't look at Maura, she got up without another word and waited.

"How did you know?" she asked Gibbs.

"I don't think we should discuss that now, I guess we've all had enough for tonight," Gibbs said.

"You're not going to ask questions?"

"Not now," he said and shook his head. "And I never planned on questioning him. I watched you die once, I couldn't do it again."

"Didn't you wanna know who he was?"

"We know that already," he said.

"So... this is about me and not the guy any more?"

"Maybe, yes," he said.

"What about rule no. 10?" she asked and almost laughed.

"Rules are made to be broken," he said and turned around to talk to Jane who had been quiet for the last part of the conversation.

"So this is really her?" Ziva asked McGee while they waited for some further instructions.

"Yes, this is Kate," he answered and they both looked at the woman in front of them. From the corner of her eye she watched Tony who'd been uncharacteristicly quiet ever since they arrived. He slowly walked toward Maura and stopped in front of her. She looked up and he held out his hand in silence. She looked a lot more beautiful then she already had years ago and despite the fact that she had betrayed them all in some way, he couldn't be angry. He was just happy to see her. She took his hand and he helped her stand up before he pulled her in a hug. She laid his arms around Tony, her head on his shoulder. He held her tightly and again she felt her body shivering with sobs.

"God, Tony," she whispered and he got out of the embrace; looking at her.

"Got nothing to say?" she asked and he gave her a weak smile.

"For once, I haven't," he admitted. "I can't believe it," he whispered after a few seconds of silence. "I'm glad you're save now."

"What have I done?" she asked more to herself and looked him in the eyes. He was still the same man she had worked with but there was something about him that had changed. She shook her head and turned around. Gibbs was talking to Jane and she seemed eerily quiet; every one else was just waiting.

What for, Maura couldn't tell.

"Oh God, what now?" she asked when she thought of going back and answer all their questions; trying to justify what she had done.

"Now, you need some rest," Tony told her.

"Don't you wanna know why?"

"Yes, but Gibbs already said it. Not tonight," he told her and she walked past him to hug McGee.

"I've missed you," he said.

"I missed you too," she told him. "All of you."

She looked at the woman next to him who'd been waiting quietly next to him and she held out her hand.

"You must be Kate," she said.

"Well," Maura said and took a deep breath. "That's who I used to be. I prefer Maura Isles," she told her and Ziva nodded.

"Dr. Isles, the paramedics are waiting," one of the officers told her.

"I don't need them, thank you John," she said.

"But don't you think-"

"I'm okay," she said and turned around to walk back to Jane's car. "See you in the morning," she said when she turned around one last time. She needed to be alone, she had to think and try to deal with everything that had happened. She felt emotionally drained, overwhelmed and exhausted and she couldn't take any more. She was tired and hurt and she knew that it was just the beginning; the worst part would be the moment when the shock subsided and reality started to sink in. She got into the passenger's seat of Jane's car and closed the door. She didn't know how to get away from here since she came here with Jane and she was afraid of how Jane would react when she finally faced her alone. It scared her more then anything else had before.

Through the windshield she watched them all and it felt like she was watching them through a thick haze; it was all there but so distant at the same time. She leaned back, her head against the window and closed her eyes. She let the tears flow silently and waited. She always believed that things would be better once you got a bit of sleep, once the sun rose to brighten up dark night. Every would be better in the light of day but she had lost her faith in that soothing thought.

She couldn't tell what the morning would bring. She might wake up with the feeling of having lost everything she fought for so dearly; insecure about everyone's reaction and their questions. For the moment there was only darkness when she thought of the next morning that would come soon. She felt like she was walking on a thin line and she was about to fall off any moment. She was torn between her old life and the one she had been leading until now. What if everything would change again from now on? She couldn't deal with it, she hadn't had any strength left for that. She loved her life; her job in Boston and the people she worked with every day. And she loved Jane; she loved her more then anything else and the thought of losing her was something she couldn't deal with.

She knew she had hurt Jane but she wouldn't walk away this time; she would fight no matter how long it took.

She had almost fallen asleep by the time Jane reached the car; she watched her sitting down in the driver's seat and leaned back without a word. Just like Maura she was tired and confused; maybe even shocked.

Maura stared straight ahead; she might as well have been alone in that car.

"I'll take you home," Jane said quietly without looking at her and all Maura could do was nod. She closed her eyes and tried to breathe calmly while the tears kept falling down her face. She didn't know how long it took them to get to her house but when Jane stopped the car in front of her's she didn't want to get out of the car. She didn't want to leave Jane; she wanted to stay with her. After a while, Jane got out of the car; she stared into the empty street and her head bowed down.

Maura got out of the car and watched Jane.

"Thank you," she said quietly and turned to get into the house and the walk toward her front door had never seemed longer. She didn't turn around when she heard footsteps behind herself and walked into the house. Jane followed her wordlessly and closed the door.

"Talk to me, Jane," Maura said desperately while she stood in the middle of her living room. "Please!"

"Yell at me, do whatever you need, but please talk to me," she begged her and Jane took a deep breath.

"I just don't understand," Jane said quietly and Maura knew she was deeply hurt; she couldn't blame her. "Why?"

Maura approached; she wanted to reach out and take Jane's hand.

"It's... complicated," Maura said. "I... didn't have a chance!"

"I trusted you," Jane said and her voice was nothing more but a whisper. "With everything!"

"There's no reason you can't trust me, Jane!" she said and laid her face in her hands for a second.

"Really? You lied to me about who you are ever since we met and you tell me I can trust you?"

"I didn't have a chance," Maura said and tried hard not to burst into tears. "I was protecting you! The truth is not always what we want to hear; sometimes it's better not to know the truth," she whispered. "You know me Jane," she said and stretched out her arms, looking around the room. "This is who I am!"

Jane shook her head. "I don't know what to do," she said. "That's just too much..."

"Too much for you?" Maura asked. She was sad and desperate but she was also angry. "This is not just about you Jane!" she said and raised her voice. "Do you really think it was an easy decision to have my death faked? Make everyone believed I was killed and leave everything behind that I had? My work, my friends and my job!" She nearly shouted and felt fresh tears burning in her eyes; the old ones hadn't even dried yet. "Can you even imagine how hard it was to give it all up and never look back? It caused me so much pain and made me feel guilty all the way. I hated myself for what I did and it took all my strength not to turn around and walk back into the life I had."

She paused and took a deep breath; her voice was teary.

"I missed it all so much and being so lonely all of a sudden was the most terrible thing I had experienced so far. No matter where I went, I had to be careful with everything I said. I always turned around twice because I was afraid someone might find out! Do you think this is the life I had wanted? That this was the way I had imagined my future? I loved what I had with all my heart but..." she paused and wiped a few tears from her face.

"... it was over. I couldn't talk about it; I was afraid someone might notice or ask too many questions. I hardly had any friends because I couldn't trust anyone. It was awful... until I came to Boston."

This time Jane laid her face in her hands; taking a few deep breaths.

"Look at me for God's sake!" she yelled at Jane and stepped a little closer. Finally Jane faced her; she didn't know whether to be surprised or angry. "It was terrible and painful and certainly the most awful time of my life but..." she said and bit her lip.

"I would do it again," she said and didn't lower her voice. "I would do it again if I had to because I met you Jane! You are the best thing that has happened to me; your friendship kept me sane and it finally made me feel like I found a place where I belong. A place where I felt at home," she said and cried. "I would do it again," she said and her voice was only a tearful whisper in the end.

Jane looked at her and Maura saw the tears in her eyes. She stood still when Jane cupped her face and kissed her; Maura laid her arms around her and replied the kiss with need. She felt Jane's body shivering with muffled sobs. She pulled Maura close, there was no doubt this was the woman she'd fallen in love with and it broke her heart but leaving her now would be even worse.

She laid her head on Maura's shoulder and closed her eyes; it felt so right to be with her. She inhaled the sweet scent that would always remind her of Maura and she knew that couldn't be true. How could she be someone who was completely different, the entire opposite of the person she held in her arms. She didn't want to believe it. It still hurt and she'd need time to deal with the truth. Tonight the truth was that the woman she held in her arms had been very close being shot. They were lucky that he kept talking, she didn't even want to imagine what had happened if he hadn't cared about the rest. He could've shot her out of the dark and it would've been nothing she could've done about it. Again she felt her body shaking with sobs and held on to Maura.

After a while, Jane leaned her forehead against Maura's.

"Let's not talk tonight," Maura whispered.

"Okay," Jane agreed; she couldn't take more tonight either.

"I'll be right back," Maura told her and went to her bedroom to get some comfort clothes. Before she returned to Jane she went to the bathroom splash some cold water on her face. She looked at her reflection in the mirror; she'd always thought that nothing had really changed. Sure she'd gotten a few years older and she'd changed her hair color but actually she was still the same. She had always believed it; every morning she looked in the mirror.

_What would anyone else think now? Would they still see the same person?_

She left the bathroom and found Jane sitting on the bed in the guest room that had always been hers in some way but Maura couldn't remember the last time Jane had actually slept in it. Just like Maura she had changed into a pair of sweatpants and one of Maura's BCU shirts and was sitting on the bed with her back to Maura.

Maura climbed on the bed and laid her arms around Jane's shoulders, her head resting on her right shoulder. Jane closed her eyes and leaned back; slowly relaxing a little. She put her hand on Maura's and squeezed it gently.

Later that night when the sun was already starting to rise over Boston Jane laid awake. She couldn't sleep; she kept hearing the man talking and no matter how hard she tried, her brain wouldn't let her rest. She couldn't think clearly and she couldn't let go. She kept turning around again and again but nothing helped her to go back to sleep and she didn't want to wake Maura.

She slipped out of the bed quietly and walked to the bathroom. She splashed some water on her face and sat down at the edge of the bathtub. In the silence of the night and the darkness of the room she finally allowed her tears to flow. She kept crying quietly until she was exhausted and tired. She needed a little distance. She couldn't go back to the bedroom now; she had to be alone. She needed some time to breathe and think.

She quietly walked back to the bedroom to get her phone and left; before she opened the front door she turned around again and wrote a short note for Maura so she wouldn't worry too much in the morning and left the house. By the time she sat in her car she noticed that Frankie had tried to call her a couple of times already. There were a few texts as well.

_What the hell is going on? Call me asap. Frankie._

She leaned back and sighed. It was almost 4am but the message had been sent only 30 minutes ago. He was probably working.

Her phone rang again before she had a chance to dial his number.

"Come on, it's in the middle of the night," Jane said quietly. She was finally starting to get tired.

"What's the hell is going on? I heard them talking, what's going on with Maura? Is she okay?"

"Yes, she will be... I guess," she said and pinched the back of her nose with her thumb and index finger. "Can we please not talk about that now?"

"Where are you?"

"On my way home," she said and started the car. "No word to ma and pop; whatever it is that you heard."

"Okay," he said. "Have a good night then."

"Thanks."

"Oh, Jane?" he asked before he dropped the connection.

"Mhm..."

"Are you okay?"

"No... I... I don't know," she answered. "See you tomorrow," she said and threw her phone on the passenger's seat to drive home.


	12. Torn

She didn't know how late or early it was when she woke up the next morning. She kept her eyes closed and, snuggled up comfortably in her warm bed. There was no sunlight streaming through the curtains so either it was too early for the sun to be out or it would be a very cloudy day. She nearly laughed at the irony of that. It was just what she had expected; a gray and dark disconsolate morning.

She refused to open her eyes and face reality.

_They know who I am, _she thought. _Or used to be. _

What was she supposed to do now? The imagination of walking into the BPD like nothing ever happened didn't feel right. She couldn't do it; she had to talk to Cavanaugh and try to find a way to keep her job and have them all keeping her faith in her or her job at least.

Where else could she go? She had no idea, who was there to help?

_Gibbs? _She asked herself. But what could he do; he had no idea about the whole thing and she had seen him for the first time in years last night.

_Jenny, _she thought after a few moments. _I have to talk to Jenny. _

She opened her eyes only reluctantly and found her bed empty. There was a slight hint of disappointment that came along with the fact that Jane was gone, but who was she to complain? A part of her thought she should've known it though she wished with all her heart that Jane had stayed with her. It had never happened before; if Jane had stayed the night until they woke up next to each other unless she was called to a crime scene at the most terrible times but that had usually involved her too.

She slid out of the bed and walked into the bathroom; it was still pretty early and she felt herself moving very slowly. She knew it was just a desperate act to avoid the obvious but she had to get out there and face it sooner or later. She tried to come up with explanations and apologies with things she wanted to say to Jane when she finally faced her but her mind seemed empty. She couldn't find any words that might make it a little better. She knew Jane and the fact that she could be very stubborn and she something told her that it wouldn't be easy.

She felt nervous and scared when she sipped her coffee in silence; she couldn't tell how any one of them might react to the truth and it made her feel uneasy. She hadn't just lied to her best friend but to any person she had worked and interacted with. She finished her coffee and the way to work seemed to be too short this morning.

Maura entered the BPD and wished the officer at the entrance a good morning; he smiled at her and she suddenly felt like all eyes were on her. Everyone knew it and every one was watching. She she used to feel like that when she'd first started her new life; she always expected people to know that there was something wrong. This time it was different; there wasn't so much left to lose and she still felt very uncomfortable. She ignored her daily routine and pressed the upstairs button on the elevator; she'd known it. By the time the doors slid open she saw already expected her.

Cavanaugh was waiting for her and much to her surprise there was Gibbs and another guy she didn't know. She walked toward them and didn't have time to exchange pleasantries for now and she followed them quietly; a million thoughts on her mind. What if this is the last time I walk through this corridors? She saw herself packing her personal belongings in her office and it hurt. She didn't want to leave; what was there left to do if it was over now?

"You look like... crap," Frankie said and sat down next to his sister's desk.

"That's... very charming."

"What's going on?" he asked and Jane laid her face in her hands; she couldn't tell whether Frankie was simply curious or actually worried about her.

"Have you seen Maura?" she wanted to know and ignored his question.

"Why would you ask me that? If someone knows where she is, it's usually you," he said and she knew it was true.

"What happened at the crime scene last night?" he asked again and she knew he wouldn't let go until she answered the question. Actually, she was proud of her baby brother; he was making progress with being persistent. "I heard people talking and you... well, you look like..."

"Yeah, yeah. We already had that!" she said and shook her hand. _Where should I start?_ "What do they say?"

"To give it to you in a nutshell, they're saying that Maura isn't the one she pretended to be and obviously worked for..."

"NCIS," Jane answered.

"Oh my God, so it's true?"

"Keep it quiet," she told him and sighed.

"Everyone already knows!"

"Yes, but no one really knows what's true and what's not! Hell not even I know what's true any more!"

"I'm sorry, Janie," he said. "What now?"

She shook her head. "I don't know. I didn't talk to Maura..."

"If that's true, you know you should."

"I can't... I..." she said and asked herself why she was having that conversation with her little brother.

_Because there's no one else you can talk to!_

"Don't be stupid! She... she's your Maura!" he told her.

_Your Maura._ She couldn't tell how much she loved Frankie at that moment.

"That's not like you and you know that! You never walked away just like that!"

"I know..." she whispered. "It's complicated!"

"Because... she lied about who she was," he said and she saw a smile on his face. "Or... complicated complicated?"

"What?"

"You know what I mean."

"I... no..." she said and leaned back in her chair. "We're not ready for that kind of conversation," she said and he smiled at her. _How much does he know?_

"Okay," he said and smiled to himself.

"Stop that!" she warned him.

"I'm sorry Jane," he said seriously. "But... it's not like she did anything bad, is it? I mean... she didn't kill anyone and then disappeared."

"She said she had no chance..." Jane told him and she immediately realized how stupid she was.

"Maybe you should give her one."

"You're right," she said and nodded. "Thank you."

She stood in the empty morgue, her hands on the cold surface of one of the autopsy tables. She thought she would lose her job but much to her surprise that didn't happen. They believed in everything she had done and they had seen her work, knowing she honestly worked hard to achieve what she had. There was nothing wrong with that but they needed to know the truth and she had been more then ready to tell it. It felt good to get it off her chest and to explain without having to justify for once. Although they might not understand why she did it, they accepted it.

She would keep her job and she'd stay with the BPD but that wouldn't change the fact that they all looked at her differently; knowing that there was something she had hidden. Curious because not everyone knew the truth although they all wanted to. There were always rumors going around and the best thing she could do was hope that it would subside one day like any other rumor until they found something new and someone else to gossip about.

"I'm impressed," she heard Gibbs saying and looked up to find him standing in the door-way. They didn't have a chance to talk to each other during the conversation in Cavanaugh's office.

"You're not mad at me?" she asked carefully and he approached.

"I don't know," he answered. "I don't quite know why you did it but you may have had your reasons. I just wish you'd come to me; we could've figured it out. You have never been the kind of person who'd just run away," he said calmly. She knew he had a point but she didn't want to hear it any more.

"I can't change what I did," she said.

"Am I mad with you?" he asked and shook his head. "I don't know... I don't think so. Despite the fact that your death had been hard for all of us – I'm not gonna lie about that – I think what you did was rather brave and dangerous," he said and walked into the room.

"Well, thank you," she said. "You might be the only one thinking that..."

"They will understand. Sooner or later," he said. "It's good to see you," he finally said and she hugged him. She knew they had never been that close but things change. People change.

"I've missed you all," Maura said. "Did Director Shepard never said a word?"

"No," he answered and shook his head. "I had no idea. No one did."

"How's she doing?" Maura asked and immediately disliked the look on his face.

"She... she's dead, Kate," he said and she was taken aback by that answer.

"But..." she said and shook her head. She couldn't believe it. In all these years she hadn't even thought about the fact that something serious might happen to one of them. And now the woman who had given her that chance, offered her a new start and hopefully a live in which she didn't have to be afraid of being killed every day, was gone. She would never have a chance to talk to her again. To thank her for what she did and for the risks she had taken to give her a free live. She would never see her again and tell her that it had worked; she had turned out quite well and that was due to her former boss.

"How," she whispered.

"She was killed in line of duty," he said and decided that it was all she needed to know for now. She didn't need to know about the disease that would've caused her a lot of pain in the end; it wouldn't change the out come.

"I'm so sorry," she said and hugged Gibbs again. "Life goes one," he said but she didn't miss the bitterness in his voice.

"You should talk to Abby," he said after a few seconds of silence. "It had been very hard for her."

"Oh God," she said and the familiar feeling of guilt was back. "Did you tell her?"

"She has no idea."

"But I can't just walk into the lab and surprise her. That'd scare the hell outta her!"

He laughed at that and agreed. "I might drop some hints for you, but you should talk to her. She would want to know."

Maura nodded. She had no idea what the hints would be; it all appeared so surreal but she was glad about that offer.

"You ever coming back to DC?" he wanted to know.

"To be honest, I do have a conference there next week," she told him. It had been scheduled months ago and she hadn't been sure about attending but now there was no doubt that she wouldn't. She could finally walk through the streets of the city she lived in without having to be afraid of being recognized.

"I guess I'll see you around then," he said and turned around to leave. He looked at her one last time before he left the room. "Dr. Isles," he said more to himself. "Ducky would be pretty proud of you." She smiled to herself; there would be a lot to talk about if she saw him again. He loved his stories and he'd always been fun to be around. She thought of him quite a lot when she got back into medical school. Gibbs was right, he'd certainly be impressed.

Later that day while she was taking care of paperwork regarding a recently finished autopsy she had another visitor.

"Hey doc," he said and she looked up to find Frost standing by the door. She knew he didn't like the morgue and still he walked in when he saw that all her tables were empty.

"You mocking me or you actually want something?" she asked and laughed to herself.

"I..." he said and leaned against the table in front of her. "No, I was just..."

"Curious?" she offered without looking up.

"Yeah maybe," he said and smiled. "So you really know how to handle a gun?"

"In fact," she said and looked up from her paperwork. "I do. Is that really what you wanted to know?"

"I haven't seen you up there all day."

"I... I just didn't know what to do," she admitted. "I was... afraid? I can't expect every one to react the way you do."

"But hiding down here won't make it better," he said and she knew he had a point. That's exactly what she'd been doing all day. She sighed and bit her lip.

"How's Jane doing?"

"You... you didn't talk to her?" he asked.

_I yelled at her and fell asleep in her arms before she left my house while I was asleep._

"No... not really," she said. "So?"

"She's quiet," he said. "We didn't talk much. I don't know, she looks kinda sad."

Maura bit her lip and sighed. She didn't know what she'd been expecting; she should've known it but it still made her feel horrible.

"Talk to her," he said again. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Why did you become a pathologist?"

"Well," she said and stood upright. "I once started studying medicine but it bored me after a while which was why I decided to do something else; I had to decide and for some reason people always think that pathologists are weird because we decide to be surrounded by dead ones," she explained and he laughed. "I figured it might be a good way to be left alone."

"Sounds... like a plan," Frost said. "But wasn't it weird to be here and watch every one doing what you did while you had to pretend you didn't care?"

"I admit it was hard sometimes," she said and put her pen in the pocket of her lab coat. "Especially in the beginning but I guess that's the price I had to pay."

"Would you go back?" he asked calmly and she thought about it for a while.

"No," she finally said. "No I don't think I would."

His phone rang and he checked it. "I gotta go," he said and walked toward the door.

"Thank you," Maura said and and he nodded before he left.

It was nearly 7pm when Maura walked toward the elevator and a part of her hoped that she would just run into Jane which would make a conversation inevitable but much to her dismay it didn't happen. She looked around and held her breath when the elevator doors opened. The coffee shop at the other side of the hall was almost empty. She heard Angela talking but she couldn't see her.

_Maybe she's at home already,_ she thought and left the Police Department without looking back.

Jane hadn't slept much earlier; by the time she got home there wasn't much left of the night and she kept thinking about Maura. It didn't help that her stuff seemed to be everywhere at Jane's place or that the pillow smelled like her perfume. It was a constant reminder of who she was and that she was the person Jane wanted to be with.

She was still sad and disappointed that Maura never said a word and she couldn't deal with the thought that a part of her believed that she never really knew her though she knew it was stupid. She just wasn't ready to accept it and deal with it the reasonable way. She wanted to talk to her; she wanted to know the truth. She just wasn't ready yet.

She hardly talked to anyone during the day because she was afraid they'd ask questions; questions she couldn't answer but she knew they'd expect her to and she would have to admit that even she had been left in the dark all the time. She watched Maura leaving the building and somehow she'd hoped that she would turn around but she didn't.

She watched her mother fuzzing around and took a deep breath; a hand on her forehead. It was just a matter of time until she'd know that something was wrong. She always knew it and she would soon start asking questions because Maura wasn't around and she had no idea what to say.

She laid her face in her hands; it slowly started to sink in that she wasn't the only victim here. She was hurt and disappointed but she needed some time on her own; she needed a little distance.

_But what does Maura need?_ She asked herself and she certainly hadn't thought about that when she left her this morning. Somehow she knew it had been the wrong thing to do.

Forgiveness wasn't easy but maybe it would be the only thing to help them get on with their lives when the time was right.

Maura caught herself chewing on her pen, attempting to finish her paperwork for the day. The next time she actually focused on the piece of paper in front of her she realized that she didn't get any further. She felt herself being distracted by her thoughts over and over again and the ticking of the clock seemed particularly annoying tonight. She dropped the pen when she heard someone knocking on her front door; a glance at her watch told her that it was almost 9pm and the only person who used to drop by at that time of the day without calling first was Jane. She opened the door and a smile crossed her lips; it wasn't her best friend but she was still excited and surprised to see him.

"Hello Tony," she said softly and he smiled at her.

"You gonna let me in?" he asked and she ignored the voice inside her head that warned her.

"I'd love to," she said and stepped aside before she closed the door behind him.


	13. Regrets

**A/N: Again, thank you all for the reviews! You're awesome and it means so much to know that you enjoy this story. We're on the way to 'better' times, I promise x**

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><p>She watched Tony walking into her house and took a moment to regard him. He still looked the same way he had when she left though even he had gotten older but it didn't make him less attractive. She had always liked him but she'd never let him know. It would've made things too complicated and she'd been certain it would've never worked out.<p>

Tony had been a pain in the ass sometimes but she had loved him; she really did and it broke her heart when she walked out of his life knowing that there were many things that she had wanted to say to him but time had been against her. So many things that came to her mind when it was too late; she simply had been too much of a coward to admit these things and tell him when she should've. It hadn't occurred to her that she might get a second chance and now that her was at her house, she wasn't sure about the things she wanted.

He looked around the room but didn't say anything. Maura remembered that he had never been to her home while they still worked together. He didn't know how much she had changed since then.

"You know," he said after a while and she sat down on the sofa, waiting for him to do the same. "When... when I looked at your coffin," he said calmly.

_No, no, no, _she thought. She didn't want to hear it.

"I thought of all those things I had never said to you and... that I had never really made you a compliment and that I'd never get the chance to do it again."

"I'm so sorry," she whispered but he just kept on talking.

"Until then I never really believed that things could be over so quickly and... that our job was far more dangerous then I'd ever imagined. I loved my job and I still do but I'd never really taken it as seriously as I should have; until you died," he said and looked at her. She held the gaze with all her strength but was at a loss of words.

"I realized that things change if we like it or not and I'd wasted my time with being a jerk," he said and actually laughed to himself. The way he talked touched her deeply and she knew he had changed a lot over the years, he had grown up. To be honest she had imagined such a reaction from Gibbs but he was the one who had surprised her the most. She just hoped that it wasn't the silence before the storm.

"You know that's not true," she told him. "Well, not most of the time."

"I thought about it so many times and every damn night I asked myself why I didn't see it coming. Why didn't I safe you? Why had I been so slow?-"

"It wasn't your fault," she thew in.

"Too bad no one had told me that," he said and she could only imagine how hard it must've been for him. "I thought about it every night and I felt guilty for so long..."

"I really don't know what to say," she admitted and bit her lip. "Nothing will make it undone."

"I liked you Kate," he said and he knew he still did but he wasn't ready to admit that.

"It's Maura," she whispered but he ignored her.

"I really liked you," he said again. "And it took me quite a while to get over it."

"Life goes on, Tony," she told him softly.

"It did," he said and sat down next to hear. "I moved on and everything..."

"Your new partner seems..." she thought about it for a second. She hadn't even talked to her. "Nice."

"She... it's not the same," he said. _She's not you,_ he thought.

"Every human-being is different," she told him and he smiled. "How did you find out?" she wanted to know when he didn't reply.

"I found a picture of you," he said.

"A picture?" she asked surprised. _Where did he find a picture of me?_ She couldn't think of anything.

"Of course I didn't know it was you, it couldn't have been you," he said. "Because I had watched you dying years ago."

"Tony..."

"What do you expect?" he asked a little louder this time and got up again. He was pacing the room while he talked and she followed him. "That everything's fine all of a sudden? You turn up out of the blue while everyone thought you were dead and you expect everyone to be happy?"

"I didn't ask you to come!" she said angrily. It was true but she was very happy to see them all; they saved her life and and she was glad to see them again but it seemed to be more frustrating with every passing day. "How did you even know I was here?" she asked again. "What do you mean you found a picture?"

It didn't make sense to her; she'd been so careful all the time.

"I found the picture in one of Ducky's Pathology mags," he said and she raised an eyebrow at him.

Why would he read that?

"It was the first thing I found when I was bored," he said and touched his forehead with his right hand. "I read through it and I suddenly come across of a picture and that woman reminded me of my dead colleague," he said. "I didn't think it could really be you," he said quietly.

"Oh God," she whispered.

"I was fine," he said. "But seeing you... or that woman who was a striking image of yourself just brought it all back.

She leaned against the back of the sofa and closed her eyes for a second; trying to keep the tears from falling.

_How could I have been so stupid? _She remembered that the picture had been taken at the beginning of the year and she had settled into her life so well that she hadn't thought of any consequences. That there might be someone out there who would come across that picture. That someone might recognize her and start asking questions.

"Suddenly it was all back," he said. "I saw you dying, the day of your funeral and the question 'why'?"

That was the one question she had asked herself many times and she had failed to answer it at all times.

"I just don't understand," he said.

"I didn't have a chance!" she said and raised her voice. She was tired and this was getting more frustrating with every second. "You don't have to understand it and no matter how many times I tell you that I'm sorry, I cannot change what I did and I'm tired of explaining myself!"

She laid her face in her hands and tried to calm down.

"I'm not proud of what I did Tony," she said quietly and looked at her feet. "But back then I felt like it was the only way."

"You walked away," he said.

"I didn't deserve to die," she said quietly and felt sadness overcoming her.

"No, you didn't," he agreed after a few instants of silence.

"Yes, I walked away but please," she said and raised her head. "Please don't do that now. That's the last thing I need... Jane's not talking to me and everything feels so weird and..."

"You like her, do you?" he wanted to know.

"She's my best friend," she said and asked herself how much he'd seen. "You really felt guilty?" she asked seriously.

"You were my partner and I didn't protect you," he answered and she closed the distance between them to hug him. He laid his arms around her and she laid his head on his shoulder. She took a deep breath and relaxed in his arms; it felt good to be with someone although a part of her knew that she should be careful right now.

"There was nothing you could've done," she told him.

"I know," he said quietly after a while.

"Aren't you at least a little bit happy to see me?" she asked and raised her head to look at him.

"I am," he said and smiled at her. "It feels weird, but I'm happy to see you."

"You want something to drink?" she asked and was glad to feel the tension between them easing a little. She wasn't up for another argument.

"I'd like to," he said and she walked over to the fridge.

"You want wine or..." she thought and tried of anything else she had at home. "Beer," she said when she opened the fridge. She looked at the bottles and paused for a second. The only one who ever drank it was Jane which was the reason she bought them in the first place.

She opened the bottle and handed it to him; ignoring her previous thoughts. There were still things left unsaid between them; she felt it but it seemed impossible to catch up on all these years on just one evening.

Thy sat down again and she noticed how close he was but she had no intention in changing that at all. Maura had always considered him very attractive but it was out of question while they still worked together. A decision like that had made her quit her job with the Secret Service and she hadn't been in the mood for a replay. Despite that, she never really knew if Tony was attracted to her; it had been difficult to tell with all his teasing and his childish behavior.

"What?" he asked and looked at her.

"Nothing," she said and looked elsewhere. "I was just thinking."

"Yeah?"

"About how childish you had been," she said and laughed.

"Thank you!" he said and nodded. "But I have to admit..."

"You admit that I'm right?"

"Things have changed," he told her.

"I know," she said and leaned back.

About three hours later she stood in front of him again. They had spent the last few hours talking about their lives and the past and Maura couldn't stop thinking.

_What if?_

It had bothered her since he had walked into her house earlier that night. What if we'd given it a try earlier? What if there was still something?

She felt like she needed to know the truth. For her own sake and for his. She looked at him and a smile crossed her lips when she realized that she was nearly as tall as he is. She had never worn high heels when she did her job with him; Gibbs would've killed her and she knew it wouldn't have been too comfortable. But now that she was free to choose whatever she wanted to wear she could look into his soft brown eyes almost straight away.

"Grown up?" he asked softly with a smile and looked at her shoes.

"A little," she agreed and laid a hand in his neck, closing the distance between them with a soft kiss. She could tell he was a little surprised by the act though certainly not reluctant. She looked at him, waiting for a reaction before she kissed him again, more intense this time. He cupped her face with both hands and deepened the kiss; she closed her eyes and enjoyed the moment. She smiled at him when they broke the kiss; their faces only inches away from each other's.

"I should go," he whispered.

"Yeah," she said and bit her lip again. He kissed her only last time and said: "Good night."

"Good Night, Tony," she told him before she closed the door after him. She leaned against it and closed her eyes; thinking about the kiss and her feelings. After a few seconds, she started to laugh. She was laughing to herself and it felt good; she was utterly relieved when she realized that there was nothing. She didn't feel anything while she kissed him and she wasn't sad about that at all.

The next morning Maura walked into the empty elevator and leaned against the wall; she wondered what they day would bring and remembered kissing Tony. They both said it, things change and there was nothing but friendship left for Tony and she could only hope that he felt the same way or she might have to break his heart very soon.

She was still lost in thoughts when she heard someone saying "Hold it!" and before she had a chance to do anything the doors opened again and Jane stood in front of her. Jane obviously hadn't expected to run into Maura but the doors had already closed behind her and there was no turning around. Their eyes locked and suddenly nothing else mattered; it was very quiet and both felt the tension that suddenly filled the elevator.

Jane stepped a little closer and laid a hand on Maura's hip, leaning into her; pressing her body softly against the wall with her own weight, her lips crushing on Maura's. She moaned softly and parted her lips sightly; her hand in Jane's neck to pull her closer. She felt the heat rushing through her body; flushing all thoughts out of her mind, leaving her feeling light-headed. Her heart was pounding against her chest and she wanted this moment to last forever but it was over before she had a chance to get lost in it. She felt Jane's hot breath on her lips, sending a shiver down her spine.

"I miss you," Maura whispered and laid a hand on Jane's cheek. She didn't say anything to that but closed her eyes for a second and Maura understood.

"I'm sorry I walked away," Jane whispered. "I... I just need time," she said.

"Okay," Maura whispered; she tried to focus but that was the only answer she could come up with.

"I gotta go," Jane said and held Maura's hand until the doors opened. Maura stared at the doors; the space where Jane had stood only seconds ago. She leaned laid her head in her neck and closed her eyes.

_Why didn't I hold her back? _She asked herself. _Why did I let her go?_

She tried to calm down and clear her mind before the elevator took her down to the morgue. She didn't know where they'd go from here but she knew that this was what she wanted and needed. She wanted Jane, she just hoped that it wasn't too late.


	14. At Last

**A/N: I'm sorry it took so long but I started my new job last week and it kept me fairly busy. I didn't want the chapter to end where it does but I didn't have time for more and I didn't want to let you wait any longer. Don't hate me... I think it's pretty obvious. Enjoy :)**

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><p>Maura was rushing through her house at what felt like the middle of the night; hastically gathering everything she'd need at the conference that was scheduled to start tomorrow noon. A couple of years ago she probably would've thrown some clothes in her suitcase without worrying but she couldn't afford to do that now. Most of the people might know her or have at least heard of her.<p>

_Queen of The Dead,_ she thought and smiled to herself for a second.

She certainly had a reputation to lose and the last thing she needed was people asking questions because of that sudden change while she was trying to get some order back into her life. She walked intp her closet and chose a few matching outfits for the early lectures; ignoring the fact that she was only staying for three days. She also chose two different dresses for the evening.

_You can never know, _she thought and paused at that thought. Who was she hoping to meet? Usually the company at such events wasn't that great; nothing that might draw her interest. She knew that no one could change her feelings for Jane; not even Tony did after all these years. She took the dresses nonetheless and arranged it all neatly in her suitcase, hoping that it wouldn't be entirely messed up along the way. She grabbed a pair of sweatpants and a plain shirt along the way just to be should never underestimate the value of comfort clothes. Maybe she might just spent the evenings on her own in her hotel room. It might give her some time to herself even thought that thought made her feel frustrated and lonely at the same time. She sighed and walked back into the living room. For once she had hoped that everything might turn out the way it had been planned but she shouldn't have been surprised when it didn't. She still hadn't talked to Jane since their little encounter in the elevator. She took a deep breath at the short-lived memory and sat down on a nearby chair, aware of the tension in her body. She was longing to go back there; she wanted to feel Jane's body pressed against hers, her lips crushing on her own. She wanted Jane's hands on her body, wanted to feel them on every inch of her naked body. She was aching to feel her, to listen to her soft moans of plessure while her hot breath was tingling on her neck, causing her to lose her mind. She had heard that sweet sound only briefly but in her imagination, it was all there. She'd lie saying she had never thought about it when she was awake during a long and lonely night but it just wasn't enough. She wanted to feel it; she wanted to feel her.

She inhaled sharply and closed her eyes for a second, trying to ignore the overwhelming aching need and went to her desk to make sure she had all the paperwork she needed. She had planned on talking to Jane the morning after the kiss but there had been a new case that kept them all busy ever since and she'd hardly seen Jane around. She knew a part of it was still her fault because she could've walked up to the Homicide Department and face Jane but she was dreading it as much as she wanted it to happen. It made her angry that she had been so foolish but she was still afraid of the things that might happen. She tried hard not to think of any consequences should she not talk to Jane any time soon. She finally closed her suitcase and was glad that she was about to leave, even just for three days. Her substitute had been arranged for the time being and she had no intention in changing that because of their new case. With an on-going feeling of nervousity and insecurity she was looking forward to returning to Washington DC. She won't get to see much of the city but that wasn't what she was planning to do anyways. She would finally meet Abby again and although she was a little afraid of her reactions, she knew that she had to go and see her. She, after all, deserved to know the truth. Maura thought that she would eventually understand. She knew that the last word between her and Gibbs hadn't been spoken and she'd have to face Tony again. She couldn't leave him in the dark; she didn't want him to hope that there might be something between them. There had been something, years ago. She wouldn't deny that but things had changed and the tiny sparkles and the excitement of what might be one day had long been gone. It probably hadn't been fair to kiss him just because she needed to know, but she did and she knew Tony long enough to be sure that he might get over it after a while.

She would see the place where she once worked, wondering how many things had changed or if the place still looked the same way it had back then. She suddenly felt nostalgic, remembering the time she'd been sitting behind her desk trying to solve murders. Now she was the weird one in the basement, talking to the dead ones. She nearly laughed at that thought; she liked her job or as much as there was to like about it but a part of her never stopped asking.

_What if?_

There were days she missed the weight of her gun on her hip; that slight feeling of security it gave her. The heavy feeling of cold metall in her hands when she was about to use it. The feeling of putting together the pieces; the way it all seemed to match one by one. She missed that feeling and though she was still a part of solving crimes, it felt different. The thrill she had always felt when she was about to interrogate a suspect, knowing she would get what she want. The way her heart hammered against her chest when she was running as fast as her body would allow to chase a suspect. She was thinking of a time in which it'd been fairly inappropriate to wear high heels at a crime scene. Gibbs probably would've made her run a 10k with them just to teach her a lesson.

She walked through her empty house and made sure that all windows and doors were properly closed; pausing when she walked by the couch. She reached between two cushions and pulled Jane's hoddie out. She sat down on the couch and held it with both hands.

How did it get there and how long has it been there without her noticing it. Knowing Jane, she probably didn't miss it but it was just a reminder of how different her life had been the last few weeks. She hadn't even noticed it.

_Maybe Jane left it the night she found out who I was,_ Maura thought about it but she couldn't remember what Jane was wearing. She tried to resist the urge of calling Jane now, got up and walked into the bathroom. She had to be at the airport by 9am and and she still had to go to the morgue to get a folder that she accidentally left there after running into Jane. She had completely forgotten about it but she needed it and would drop by before driving off to the airport. She had no idea what they were dealing with at the moment, she didn't know any details considering there were any by now. She wasn't assigned to the case so she had no idea what Jane was up to and she didn't want to wake her in case she had to get up early and she knew that something like that didn't get along too well with Jane.

Minutes later she stepped into the shower; forgetting about the world and anything else for a while. She closed her eyes; the hot water pouring down her body; taking away all her doubts and fears for a while. She tried to focus on the relieving feeling, tried to focus on herself and every inch of her body. She was there and this is who she is; she knew it. She knew she was right where she is, she had found her place and she wouldn't give it up for anything in the world. She'd used the next three days just for herself and try to clear her thoughts and return to Boston and face it all the way she should've days ago. She had let them rule her life once and she couldn't let that happen again. She remained in the shower longer then she usually did and felt the fatigue washing over her in the end. She slowly dried her hair and got ready for bed; moving slow and deliberate while she felt her eyes getting heavy with sleep. By the time she go to her bedroom all she wanted to do was crash on her bed and fall asleep. She didn't feel cold but put Jane's hoodie on nonetheless. It didn't fit too well; it was a bit to big but all the more cuddly and comforting. She laid down on her bed and slowly drifted of to sleep. The hoodie still smelled like Jane.

"Where the hell is Maura?" Jane asked and looked around, it was definitely too early to be awake; let alone be at a crime scene and wait for something to happen. The last thing she expected and needed at her crime scene was that old man who she'd met a while ago while he took care of some of Maura's autopsies and degraded her skills along the way and annoyed the hell out of both of them with his stupid behavior.

Jane turned around and looked at Korsak and pointed at the ME but he just shrugged.

"What are you doing here?" Jane asked him and didn't bother to hide her aversion for this man.

"Dr. Isles left for a conference in Washington this morning. I will take care of everything for her until she returns," he said without looking up and even the way he put on the latex gloves drove Jane crazy.

"She... she's gone?" Jane asked and turned around and Frost nodded. "You knew?"

"Didn't you?" he asked and cleared his throat. "Sorry, I thought you did."

"No," Jane answered and sighed.

"I think she wanted to tell you," Frost said before Jane asked another question. He knew it probably hurt Jane that her friend didn't tell her she was leaving although things had been a little difficult recently. "But... you know..." he didn't know what else was left to say. It wasn't his business and he knew it wasn't easy for Jane at the moment.

"Yeah," she said and turned around. "It's okay," she said more to herself and took a deep breath to take care of the crime scene and get away from here and have a decent cup of coffee. It wasn't even 8am and she didn't get much sleep the past nights, she wanted to get over and done with it as soon as possible.

It was a little before eight in the morning when Maura walked through the main entrance of the Police Department and heard Angela talking in the coffee while she waited for the elevator. She wanted to turn around and say hello but she hadn't got much time left and she didn't feel quite ready for that too. She walked through the autopsy room and into her office, registering much to her pleasure that nothing had changed yet. He probably hadn't been in yet; she took the folder from her desk and closed the door when she left. She turned around and again and decided to lock it up. It was her office after all and she didn't want anyone in there while she was gone; she didn't want him sitting in her chair. He could do the paperwork some place else.

She left the morgue and went straight to the Homicide Department and found most of the desk unoccupied. She nodded to a detective she recognized but didn't remember his name and sat down in Jane's chair, her arms leaning on the desk. She stared at the empty screen of Jane's computer for a moment and rearranged a few things here and there before she took a piece of paper and a pen. She wanted to let Jane know that she would be back in three days and that they'd talk to each other then.

_And I want to let you know that I miss you and that I want to be with you,_ she thought but she couldn't write it down. She thought about it for a second and remembered a few words she's heard ages ago. For a moment she thought that Jane might hate it, she was sure Jane would have laughed about it had she told her about these words referring to someone else. She took a deep breath and and wrote the words down. When she was done, she folded the paper once and put it on Jane's keyboard to make sure she'd find it and left.

It was about nine o'clock when Jane walked into the Homicide Department and the first thing she did was getting some coffee, knowing that she'd regret it in a second but she needd a bit of time to herself before she felt ready to face her mother and get a decent cup of coffee downstairs.

"Dr. Isles was here earlier," Jackson said when he spotted her and she turned around.

"When?"

"About an hour ago," he said and hated him for not spilling it all at once.

"And?" she asked and sipped her coffee that tastes way too old.

"Sat down in your chair... don't ask me," he said before she had a chance to open her mouth. "What she was doing there!"

She put the cup of coffee aside and walked to her desk. A short smile flashed her lips when she found her desk looking pretty neatly arranged.

She just can't help it, she thought and sat down in her chair. It was just a thing Maura did; constantly trying to get some order into her life. Even if it was just tidying her desk; that hadn't changed at all. She took the folded piece of paper that was left on her keyboard and opened it. She stared at the words written in black ink and felt herself coming near to tears. She folded the paper again before she looked at the rest of the words and left; she needed a quiet place to read. She couldn't do it here. The only place she could think of was the ladie's room at the other side of the building. No one ever used it because there weren't many women working at the Police Department and no one ever bothered going that far. She entered the empty staircase and walked down without paying attention to anyone who crossed her way. Two minutes later she entered the ladies room and found it empty, just as she'd expected it. She walked to the end of the room and sat down on the toilet seat after looking the door. She leaned back and propped her feet up against the door. She took a deep breath and unfolded the paper again.

"_Never shall I forget the days I spent with you,_

_continue to be my friend,_

_as you will always find me yours."_

_Dear Jane,_

_I'll be back in about three days. I really need to talk to you; sorry I couldn't tell you in person. _

_Love,_

_Maura_

_P.S.: I miss you._

Jane stared at the words and felt the tears burning in her eyes. She wiped them away with the back of her hand and read it again. It was the sweetest and most touching thing someone had told her in a very long while. _I miss you._

The last words weren't as neatly written as the others and something told her that she'd added them at last notice. She closed her eyes and leaned back and suddenly it hit her; she knew what would be the right thing to do. She missed her too; more then she ever thought she would. She looked at her reflection in the mirror and wiped the last tears away; her mother would notice no matter what but she didn't have time for it now. She walked out of the ladies room and put the letter in the pocket of her jeans and walked down to the coffee to get a coffee from her mother.

"Hey mum," she said before Angela had a chance to speak. "I need some good coffee," Jane told her and sat down at one of the tables.

"What's going on, sweetheart?" Angela asked and put the coffee in front of Jane.

_Dammit,_ Jane thought and sipped the coffee that tasted a lot better then the one she'd tried upstairs.

"Nothing," Jane answered and tried to avoid her mother's glance; knowing that it was a worthless try.

"You been crying?" Angela asked.

"Shhhh," Jane said and urged her mother to be quiet. "I'm fine."

"Yeah, cause you look so good..."

"Thanks," Jane said dryly.

"Where's Maura?" Angela asked. She hadn't seen her around a lot recently.

"She's okay," Jane said.

"That's not what I asked, I've hardly seen her around lately."

"Tell me about it," Jane said more to herself.

"Honey, you sure you okay?" Angela asked again and put a hand over her daughters.

"I don't know," Jane admitted after a few seconds of silence. _What was there left to hide?_ She thought, she'd find out sooner or later. "It's... a little complicated," Jane said. "I... I gotta go," Jane said.

"Where are you going?" Angela wanted to know when Jane got up.

"I'm not so sure right now," she answered honestly. "I'll tell you everything when I'm back," she said and leaned forward to kiss her mum on the cheek. "Don't worry, I'll be fine." She looked at her daughter until she was out of sight and wondered what the hell was going on this time.

"Frost?" Jane asked when she walked back into the Homicide Department.

"Over here," he said and looked up from behind his screen.

"I need you to do me a favour," she said and sat down on the edge of his desk.

"What do you want?"

"Can you hack into a computer for me?" she asked and smiled at him innocently. He raised an eyebrow at her and asked: "Would that computer happen to be Dr. Isles'?"

"Maybe..." Jane said without looking at him.

"I'm not so sure she'd like that..."

"None of your business, I'll deal with that later," she said. "Please, I just need to know something."

"Gimme a second," he said and took a deep breath, trying not to smile at her. About five minutes later, he handed her a slip of paper that had an address written on it. She took it with a questioning look on her face.

"I didn't tell you..." she said and looked at the address written down. It was the time and place of the conference in Washington.

"I figure you might want to know that..." he said.

"Well... thank you," she said and walked to her desk to get her jacket. "I... I need to leave," she said and walked back to Frost desk. "You think you can do that without me?" she asked; she'd never left an on-going investigation before if she hadn't been forced to do so but this time was different.

"You wanna leave in the middle of a case?" Frost asked and leaned back in his chair.

"It's... important."

"Was about time," Frost said and smiled at Jane.

"What?"

"You heard me," Frost said. "It was about time... just go. I'll tell them... you're not feeling well. Whatever, just go."

"Thank you," she said and thought about giving him a hug but changed her mind at the last moment. "I owe you one."

"I'll keep that in mind," he said and she turned around to leave.

"Oh, Jane," he called after her and she turned around.

"Yes?"

"Tell Dr. Isles to change her passwords. That one was pretty predictable," he said and she laughed when she left.


	15. Moving On

**A/N: Sorry I let you waiting again for so long... I'll try to be better this week! I really hope you like this chapter! x**

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><p>She leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes; trying to ignore everyone else. She felt restless and nervous. She didn't know what to do with her hands and opened her eyes to look out of the window. The sunset was incredibly beautiful and it made her forget about everything for just an instant. The sky was golden; burning with the fire of the evening sun. She was amazed and sighed, wishing there was someone to share that moment with.<p>

She knew that the only person she wanted to share it with was still far away; it'd take her a while until she finally got to Maura. Jane had never left an on-going case and she never thought that she'd one day do so. Even the thought of that seemed odd; it was her job to get the bad guys and she didn't rest until she solved it all but sometimes things change and she had to make a decision. She loved her job with everything she had but she had slowly realized that she loved Maura a lot more and that her job was just a job after all. Although it had been quite a shock to find out that her best friend, and the woman she fell in love with long ago, wasn't the one she pretended to be she had to leave it behind. She couldn't be mad any longer. Maura was the only person she knew; she didn't know Caitlin or who she used to be. She was curious, she wanted to know about it all. Who she'd been and what happened but there was no denying in the fact that she fell in love with Maura and no one else.

_What the hell am I doing here?_ She asked herself for the hundredth time today. She knew the answer all along but she couldn't help but ask. She was nervous and felt her heart hammering against her chest with thinking about it only. There have been a couple of times that day where she wanted to forget about it and wait for Maura to come back to Boston and talk about it all. While she was waiting for the airline to answer her call or throwing some clothes in a suitcase; all the time there was the thought of dropping it all. She felt ridiculous and a voice in the back of her head kept whispering all the time. Only a couple of months ago, Jane Rizzoli would've never done such a thing as following a loved one to another city just to see her; that just wasn't a thing she did. She never ran after someone but this time things were different and she ignored that voice and the doubts in her mind and kept packing. During the security check, she looked back on last time; thinking that this was her last chance to turn around and go home but in the end she didn't. As she sat on the plane to Washington she tried to think of all the reasons why this was right.

She leaned back again and closed her eyes. Their first kiss was surprising and full of emotions. It wasn't quite what she had in mind; she had indeed thought about it secretly once or twice but when it happened that Sunday afternoon at the beach, she hadn't expected it at all. Maura had been crying and it had been the first time Jane knew that something was really wrong but she didn't even imagine how wrong it all was. Maura had kissed her first; she had been passionate but desperate at the same time. She'd been afraid but after a few seconds Jane had given in. Despite the fact that this wasn't how she had always picture the first time she'd kiss Maura Isles, she was certainly overwhelmed with the emotions and the feelings it caused. Jane bit her lip and kept her eyes closed. There had been another kiss, two more times to be exact. And each time it had been just a heat of the moment. A desperate reminder during troubled times; a reminder of still being there. Letting her know that there was still something and someone who was with you. A desperate need for affection and the feeling of not being alone but being alive.

She hadn't planned on kissing Maura in the elevator; actually she hadn't thought about it until it happened. She'd been very weak, letting her emotions rule her actions but she'd give everything to go back now. It wasn't just the need to kiss her and even take it further, it was more of a need to be with her. To hold her close; to see her being there. She just wanted Maura's presence around and watch her without a word. She felt great when she was with Maura, even when she didn't do a thing. She made her feel comfortable and safe and that was something she had been longing for ever since. She'd been hurt when she found out that Maura had been a different person at some point in her life; she was disappointed because Maura didn't trust her although she had asked her to countless times. She had been afraid that things would never be the same again but it was time to face the truth. There were reasons for this; there was a reason for anything happening in a persons life and she just had to find out what the reason for that was.

She knew the true reason for being on a plane at that exact moment. Maura had said it a few nights before.

"_I would do it again if I had to because I met you Jane! You are the best thing that has happened to me; your friendship kept me sane and it finally made me feel like I found a place where I belong. A place where I felt at home."_

Jane noticed the sudden pressure on her chest; her facial muscles tensing with the effort not to start sobbing. She only had a slight feeling of how Maura must've felt during that time. The thought of leaving her family behind without ever letting them know that she wasn't dead was something Jane couldn't take. It caused her terrible pain, but Maura did it. For some reason, she had to. And she would do it again for her; although Maura had experienced such an awful thing once she knew she would do it again.

_For me,_ Jane thought and kept her eyes closed, hoping that the tears would remain hidden. She would give up everything for her; she'd do anything. And so would Jane, she always had and she always will. She gave Maura a place where she finally felt at home after trying to find a place where she felt comfortable for many years. It was one of the most touching things she had ever heard. She hadn't quite understood Maura's words that night; she was still shocked about the events of the night that she hadn't been able to take it all in and process the words that had been spoken. Now that she thought about it again, it suddenly meant so much more and it once again made her feel that she was doing the right thing.

There was this aching need to see Maura, just to look into her eyes and get lost in them for a while. A part of her still didn't understand that she had almost lost Maura that night. She didn't want to know it because it was an imagination she didn't want to have in her mind. She knew that this terrible thought wouldn't leave her alone once she let it in. It was painful and it scared her more then anything else ever had. She hadn't expected any of this when she drove to the crime scene back then and maybe her mother had been right after all. She should stop thinking of all the things that had happened and look straight ahead to the things that will be. She'd always hated that because it sounded so easy for someone who didn't experience the things she had and sometimes looking straight ahead was fairly difficult but only this time she decided to follow her mother's words and give it all she had. She couldn't know what would happen while Maura wasn't there. There were things you should never think of, not with the kind of job she had. Every one could be her last, but it was just something she couldn't think about. With giving it a second thought she realized that it was the same for every one on this plane. No one expected to killed in a car accident when they leave the house for work in the morning; you don't expected a shooting when you walk into the bank to get some cash. You feel perfectly healthy and suddenly you die of a stroke. It was the truth; sad but true. Things like these happen every day; maybe she was more likely to be killed by another human being instead of dying because of a terrible accident but in the end it was all the same.

Your life could be over in an instant; the wrong day and the wrong time and it's over. You could never knew how your day will turn out when you open your eyes in the morning. All these thoughts made her feel terribly sad but it was the truth and it was the reason she was about to see Maura, if she wanted to see her or not. She couldn't wait.

She wanted Maura to know that she loved her with all her heart and that her past wouldn't change a thing. She thought it would but in the end she realized that it was stupid and that she wanted to be with her and was sorry for not being there when she needed her; she was sorry for running away. She just wanted her to know.

Maura finally entered her hotel room and kicked off her heels with a sigh; she was tired and hungry. The afternoon was dragging and endless and all she had thought of was getting back to her hotel room and spend some time on her own but now that she was there and laid down on the bed, the silence was just as oppression and she was longing for company. Not just any company; just the one she knew she couldn't have right now. Once she got back to Boston, she'd have to explain it all to Jane. She wanted to but she wasn't sure where to start. It seemed to be so much that she felt overwhelmed with the thought of it and all the memories it would bring back but there was no way to avoid it. She just needed a bit of time to think it through. With thinking about Jane, she had a sudden urge to see if she'd gotten any messages or calls, secretly hoping there was one from Jane. She tried to ignore the disappointment when she realized that no one had tried to contact her and decided to take a shower before heading down to the restaurant to get something to eat.

_Wonderful plan Rizzoli,_ she told herself as she got out of the taxi in front of the hotel. She didn't have time to book a hotel room, a flight had been the most important thing and she hadn't wasted any thoughts on a place to stay. She secretly hoped that things would work out for once and have Maura letting her stay; the hotel was completely booked out anyways with the conference going on. Since the hotel was booked out and everyone seemed terribly busy right now, she could just walk in and pretend she was a guest. No one might know that she should be there and she wanted to change before facing Maura. She was still wearing the same clothes she wore at the crime scene at 7am that same day and if she was doing this, she's have to do it properly. Even if that meant she was going to wear a dress again. Actually it was the same black dress she'd worn briefly while her mother tried to set her up on a date with Grant but Maura had actually seen her in it longer then he did and she'd called her gorgeous. She took a deep breath and walk into the hotel like she belonged there, pretending to know exactly where she had to go. While she walked through a door on the left side of the entrance hall she found an empty rest room and locked the door; even the bathroom looked pretty fancy and fitted in well with the rest of the hotel. She quickly changed into the black dress and ran her hands over the fabric at the front to put everything in place and ran a hand through her hair while she looked at her reflection in the mirror.

_What the hell am I doing here? _She asked herself again and started to apply some light make up. She was pretty tired but she didn't want anyone to see it with just looking at her. She was nervous and for just one moment she thought that it felt worse then any first date she ever had; ignoring the fact that she knew Maura and they'd been out together countless times but this time it was different. Maura still had no idea and Jane actually felt a little stupid while she carefully applied some mascara. She still didn't know in which room Maura was staying and if she was there at all; she could've gone out. When Jane was all set and ready she went back to the reception desk and prayed that she was lucky tonight.

"Excuse me," she said as sweetly as she could and smiled at the guy behind the counter.

"How can I help you?" he asked.

"I was supposed to meet my friend Dr. Maura Isles for dinner tonight, but I'm starting to get worried. We were supposed to meet thirty minutes ago and she's never late."

"Is she staying with us for the conference?" he wanted to know and Jane was hoping that he wouldn't ask for a name or anything. Just to be on the safe side, she quickly tried to come up with a name, just in case.

"Yes, it was quite spontaneous and I'm afraid she forgot to give me her room number so I don't know how to contact her, all I know is that she's staying with you." Jane knew that they weren't allowed to give away any personal details unless Maura has given them permission to or unless they knew her name. She tried to be patient and kept on smiling, praying that he was an idiot and would give her what she wanted.

"I'm sorry, I can't give you her..." she mentally rolled her eyes and didn't even listen to the rest of the sentence. _Idiot!_

She thought of her badge in her purse but decided to give it another try before doing it the hard way.

"Could you please give her a call? I just like to know if she's in her room," Jane said and he nodded. She leaned on the counter and tried to get a look at the phone without being caught. Usually the phone numbers are the same as the room numbers, especially in such big hotels. She caught a quick glance at the phone and watched him dialing the numbers 4-0-5.

"Thank you," Jane said quickly. "I think I just saw her," she said and walked off toward the elevator and pressed the button for the fourth floor. _Please, let it be right. And let her be there._ She didn't wait for the guy to finish and actually have her picking up the phone, that would've spoiled it all. Or maybe she just wanted a few more seconds before having to face the obvious. Her heart was beating heavily in her chest while she waited for the elevator to reach the fourth floor, it appeared to take ages. She easily found room 405 and took a deep breath before she knocked on the door. She waited but nothing happened; she knocked again but the room seemed empty.

_Great, _she thought and leaned her forehead against the door, hoping no one would see her now. _Maybe I should just give her a call,_ she thought. She decided to try the restaurant first before she was ready to give up on this and call her to tell her that she was indeed a little lost and admit that the whole thing had been a crazy idea from the start.

Maura sat down at one of the desks, ignoring that it was laid for two.

_Just what I need,_ she thought and sipped her red wine. She looked around the room and tried to pretend that she was fine without any company tonight and enjoyed her dinner on her own. She recognized most of the people from the lectures today but she couldn't care less. She would have something to eat and go back to her room to get some sleep. She stared into the empty space in front of her and saw a man, probably in his mid-forties, walking toward her. She tried to avoid his eyes and pretend she didn't see him but it was too late already. If she wasn't mistaken, he was that doctor from South Carolina. He appeared to be quite a nice man but she wasn't in the mood for his company but she didn't want to be rude either. She was dreading the whole thing already.

"Good evening," he said friendly and definitely tried to be charming. She forced out a smile and looked at him. "Do you mind if I join you? Such a pity that you're having dinner on your own," he said and before Maura had a chance to open her mouth and come up with something that might get her out of this, she heard her voice.

"I'm afraid I do," Jane said softly and laid a hand on Maura's shoulder while she walked past her. "Thank you, but she won't be alone," Jane said and sat down at the empty chair. Maura looked absolutely stunning and speechless and Jane just looked at the guy.

"Oh," he said.

"Yeah," Jane said and smiled.

"Well, have a nice evening ladies," he said and smiled to himself before he walked away. Jane took a deep breath and looked at Maura in front of her. They looked at each other for a couple of seconds and no one said a word.

Without breaking the eyes contact Jane laid her hand on the table and Maura took it without a second of hesitation. She felt her fingers tighten around her own, squeezing them softly.

"You're here," Maura whispered; Jane could tell she was still surprised and utterly overwhelmed.

"Yes," Jane answered softly.

"But..." Maura shook her head to herself, trying to make some sense of what was going on. She was trying to prepare herself to face Jane when she got home, expecting the worst and now she was sitting right in front of her. She was completely overwhelmed and at a loss of words for the moment.

"I'm sorry I left you," Jane said and looked at their hands.

"You... you just needed some time," Maura said. "I understand that."

"You needed me too," Jane said and looked at her again. It wasn't a question; she knew it.

"Yes," she finally whispered and Jane thought she saw tears glistening in her eyes. "But you're here now," she said and all Jane wanted to do was close her in her arms and never let go again.

"What about your case?"

"That doesn't matter now," Jane told her and nodded; knowing exactly that she would've never done that for anyone else.

"I'm sorry I lied to you," Maura said after a few moments of silence.

"I understand you had your reasons," Jane said; she really did. She didn't know the reasons, not exactly, but did it really matter now.

"Can we talk about it tomorrow?" Maura asked. "I know I owe you a lot and I'll tell you everything you want to know, but for tonight, can we please just have something to eat?" she asked and Jane laughed.

"I'd love to," she answered and they finally ordered something to eat. Most of the dinner was passed in silent adoration for the other woman; both with so many thoughts in their minds but no one dared to speak as they were just enjoying the moment with everything they had. Maura couldn't think of anyone else who had every done that for her before and it was the most wonderful and most romantic thing ever. Jane looked wonderful in that black dress, Maura had loved it ever since Jane walked into the morgue one night after a failed attempt on a set-up date. She looked absolutely gorgeous in it and Maura mentally slapped herself when she imagined that dress on the floor and not wrapped around Jane's wonderful body.

"What are you smiling at?" Jane wanted to know. Of course she had noticed.

"You're absolutely beautiful," Maura said softly and thought Jane was blushing in the soft light of the candles.

"So are you," she answered and smiled.

"I missed you Jane," Maura said and reached out to take Jane's hand again; it was like she needed to make sure that Jane was really there. During the whole time of the dinner if felt like nothing had ever happened between them. There was no doubt, no worries about the things that had happened. There was no one else around when they looked at each other, nothing but the sparkling tension between the two of them.

"I think we should go," Maura said after a while and Jane smiled at her while she got up without a word, walking next to her while trying very heart to keep her hands to herself.

"Dr. Isles?" someone called before they reached the elevators. They both turned around and the same guy who had called her room for Jane earlier was waiting for them behind the counter.

"Yes?" she asked and approached.

"Someone just dropped something off for you a couple of minutes ago," he said and she looked at him with a questioning look on her face.

"Who was it?" she wanted to know; she couldn't think of anyone who might have something for her. Jane stood beside her and waited while the guy got something out of a little safe behind the counter.

"Didn't want to leave a name," he explained. "Older guy with grey hair," he said and Maura immediately thought of Gibbs. It couldn't be anyone else. "He said you would know," he said and she didn't know if her was talking about the delivery, whatever that might be, or the man. She still agreed though. "I do," she said. "What is it?" she asked and he handed her a small black box.

"Thank you," she said and they walked about toward the elevators.

"What is it?" Jane asked and waited for Maura to open it. "You know who left that for you?" she asked and Maura nodded when she opened the box.

"It was Gibbs," she said and looked a the two keys in the box.

"What are these for?" Jane wanted to know; Maura recognized them immediately. She knew it was late and they were both tired and she wanted nothing more but go to her room with Jane but she had to do it now; it wouldn't let her rest until she did.

"Come on," she said. "I have to show you one more thing before we get some sleep," she said and put the keys in her purse.


	16. A Trip Down Memory Lane

**A/N: Again, I'm sorry I let you wait for so long. I really hope you like this one x**

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><p>Jane followed Maura without asking any more questions for the moment. She seemed to know exactly what the keys were for and what she wanted to show Jane. She stood next to her friend and felt the evening chill on her bare skin; wishing for Maura to wrap her arms around her. She wasn't cold since it was still summer but it had certainly cooled down a little. She faced Maura, knowing that she was watching her.<p>

Without a word, Jane held out her hand and Maura stepped a little closer, leaning into Jane while they waited for the taxi. Much to Jane's dismay it didn't take too long and she let go off Maura and got into the backseat while Maura gave the driver the destination that was still unknown to Jane. She got in the backseat with Jane and noticed the closeness which was what she'd been longing for all the time but it suddenly made her feel uneasy. She didn't know what to do next; she was nervous and grateful when Jane laid her arms around her shoulders and she leaned into her. Maura's head rested against her shoulder and Jane placed a soft kiss on her temple and held Maura close.

"You gonna tell me where we're going?" Jane asked and held Maura's hand. She just couldn't let go; she needed the physical connection between them right now.

"To the past," was all Maura said for a while. She closed her eyes, asking herself what she might find when they got there. She knew what the keys were for but she couldn't quite think of anything she would find there but knowing Gibbs there was a reason he left her the keys. She needed to know and she wanted Jane to know. She felt her body softly moving up and down with Jane's slow breathing while she leaned into her. There was no need to wait any longer and Jane deserved to know the truth. She asked her not to talk about it tonight and Maura didn't want to do so, but taking her there might be the first step in the right direction. It would give her an impression of the things she would soon find out about. She wanted to fall asleep in the arms that held her body tightly, every part of her body wanted to be with her and never let go again. She raised her head and looked at Jane, their faces only inches apart. She was slightly irritated when she felt Jane's hot breath on her face; her eyes on her lips before she looked up to meet Jane's.

"Thank you," Maura whispered and turned a little to face Jane. "For being here," she said and Jane raised her hand, softly touching her cheek; tucking a few strands of hair behind her ear. She saw the detective's face in the semi-darkness; lighten up with every street lamp they passed.

"I... I just couldn't wait," she said and closed the distance between them, placing a soft kiss on Maura's lips that had her aching for more the moment they parted. The taxi slowed down and Maura looked out of the window without getting out of Jane's arms. Nothing seemed to have changed and she had this weird feeling spreading inside of her. She was excited to be here but the sight of the building also filled her with guilt and even shame. She wanted to walk into the building while a part of herself was dreading it. She knew that there were many memories that she had left behind; that waited to be relived step by step. Things and people she had yet to face again and explain it all. So many pieces that now lay sleeping in front of her, waiting to be woken up once again. She got out of the taxi, feeling the evening chill on her skin. She paid the driver and walked up next to Jane and no one said a word for a few seconds.

"Wow," Jane said quietly. "I certainly didn't expect this," she said and looked at Maura.

"I immediately recognized the keys," she explained. "But I have no idea what'll be waiting for us inside. If there is anything or anyone at all."

"Wanna find out?" Jane asked.

"Do you?" she asked Jane and looked at her.

"I'd love to," Jane told her although the thought made her feel a little nervous.

Maura nodded but didn't move. She turned a little and stood right in front of the taller woman. "But, could you just kiss me already?" she asked softly and Jane didn't hesitate a second and finally laid her arms around her, her soft lips meeting Maura's. She wrapped her arms around the blonde, deepening the kiss with every passing second. It felt like both women wanted to memorize each moment before it passed, slowly taking their time. They'd both been waiting far too long for that kiss to happen. For the first time it didn't feel rushed or desperate, it just felt right.

Jane leaned her forehead against Maura's, closing her eyes for a second. If it wasn't for the need to breathe she would've let the kiss last forever. She smiled and kissed Maura's slightly swollen lips again.

"You ready?" Jane whispered.

"Now I am," Maura answered and they walked toward the NCIS Headquarters. The entrance area was still well lit though Maura saw that there wasn't much going on; most of the people went home for the night if there wasn't a case that kept them busy and only the very unlucky ones were forced to stay just in case.

Maura took the keys out of her purse only to find the main door still unlocked. She knew that the second key was the one for the lockers on her desk; or the one that had been hers. Slowly, Maura walked into the building with Jane at her side. At the first sight, there wasn't much that had changed. It still seemed very familiar. She let her gaze wander, taking each detail in; remembering it if it'd been yesterday. She paused for a second and bit her lip.

"You okay?" Jane asked softly and Maura nodded. Just as she'd expected, there were many unoccupied desks and the poor ones who were still working scarcely noticed them. They were probably busy with everything they weren't supposed to do at work.

_Maybe they don't recognize me or didn't know me at all, _Maura thought while she slowly approached the desk that had once been hers. _Or maybe someone had told them I was coming. Maybe Gibbs knew._ She stopped walking and looked at Tony's desk; smiling to herself. Some things certainly never change, it still appeared to look the same way it had the last time she'd seen it. She turned her head and saw Jane behind her; she just waited while giving her some space. Once she'd made sure she wasn't alone, she looked straight ahead again. She still had to talk to him; telling him the truth about her feelings. To be honest, she felt eased when there wasn't anyone of her former colleagues around. Facing them all tonight would certainly be too much for her now. She just needed to take one step at a time. Then, Maura walked on and stood in front of the desk that had once been hers. She just stared at it, imagining herself sitting there while Tony was watching her over the edge of his screen; teasing her with whatever came to his mind. It looked different now Maura thought and looked around, no one seemed to be watching her. There was a box at the right side of the table but she didn't pay much attention to it. She walked around the table and looked at Jane who stepped a little closer.

"Had that been yours?" she asked.

"Yes," Maura simply said and had a sudden urge to sit down at 'her' desk just once more, asking herself if it'd be weird or what Officer David might think, should she find out. After a moment of consideration, she pushed that thought out of her mind and slowly sat down on the chair. She wasn't around and Maura didn't plan on changing or taking anything.

"I have to say," Jane said quietly and looked at Maura. "I can definitely picture that," she said and walked around the table, leaning against the edge of it. A quiet laugh escaped Maura's lips though it didn't come along without a trace of sadness.

"You like it?" Maura asked and looked up.

"I just... have never imagined you on the other side before," she admitted. Maura knew what she was talking about. She herself had never even dreamed of being 'on the other side' herself; watching everyone doing the job she was used to do.

"Me neither," she said and looked at the things arranged on the table, there was nothing that drew her interesting. Nothing except the box she didn't care about at first. She stared at the letters and numbers written at the front of the box; her chest tightening a little.

"What is it?" Jane asked who had noticed that something was going on. Slowly Maura reached out and turned the box a little so that Jane was able to read what had been written on it. It said:

"_Special Agent Caitlin Todd_

_25__th__ November, 1976 – May 24__th__, 2005"_

"It's mine," Maura whispered and looked at Jane.

Maura hesitated once more before she pulled the box a little closer and removed the lid. Jane stepped a little closer and Maura stared into the box but didn't take in any details for the moment.

"I don't understand," Maura said more to herself.

"Don't understand what?" Jane wanted to know.

"Why this is still here," she said. "Why didn't they give it to any family members?" she asked and Jane took a deep breath. No matter how they were related and who was left, someone would always be asked to take the belongings that had been left behind.

"Maybe," Jane said quietly and looked down at her hands. "Maybe..." she didn't want to finish the sentence. It would make her to sad, but she probably knew it already. Maura bit her lip and nodded.

She knew what Jane was thinking and why she didn't say it. She'd seen it in her eyes the moment theirs locked.

_Maybe because no one ever came to pick it up,_ she finished Jane's sentence without saying it out loud.

"I'm so sorry," Jane said softly and laid a hand on her shoulder; Maura nodded and let that sink in for a moment.

She looked into the box and reached out for her ID Card.

_Name: Caitlin Todd_

_Title: Special Agent_

Maura smiled and looked at the picture. Her hair just reached her shoulders, her dark hair color matching her eyes perfectly. She looked at her own picture and it all seemed so very far away; she still missed the dark hair sometimes though she had gotten used to the blonde long ago. She handed the ID to Jane.

"Wow," she whispered softly. She looked at a picture of a younger woman with a different hair color but there was no doubt it was Maura for her. She'd always be. Maura leaned her head on her hand and tilted her it a bit, watching Jane. She looked up from the card Maura had just given her and looked at the woman in front of her instead.

"You're..." Jane started and tried to find the right words.

"Younger?" Maura offered.

"Even more beautiful now," Jane answered and Maura felt herself blushing a little.

"Thank you," she said and took a file out of the box; she noticed a couple of pictures and suddenly wasn't sure if she wanted Jane to see any one of them. She put the file on the table in front of them so Jane could read it too and opened it. It contained a picture of her that looked similar to the one on the ID along with a couple of basic information.

"I've never seen that one before," she said while she read through the first page; slowly reviving the woman she'd once been. She didn't know what kind of information and how many had been written down on these papers. She turned the pages and noticed that every little step of her career had been captured in her personal file. Jane read it in silence, taking in every piece of the past that helped her creating and image of the woman that Maura had once been. A part of her found it hard to believe and impossible to imagine while the other one was simply impressed and curious.

Jane was quiet until Maura turned to the next page; she wasn't as nearly as excited as she'd first imagined herself to be. With every page she turned, her past was uncovered a little more and once again she was confronted with the mess she had left behind and the life she had abandoned. It made her very sad and she remembered that not every bit of it had been a pleasant memory and that some of them were rather painful, let alone the terrible incidents that had forced her to make that decision after all.

Jane stared at the picture in front of her and felt a sudden rage inside her body; although she knew it'd been a long time ago, it still made her furious. She looked at the picture of a woman who suddenly didn't look so much like Maura at all. Her eyes were empty and had none of the beauty that Jane loved so much. Every tiny sparkle had simply vanished from her eyes when that picture had been taken; they looked dull and empty and there was none of the warmth left that gave Jane so much comfort whenever she looked into them. There were dark shadows under her eyes and her hair wasn't as nearly as perfect as it used to be every time Jane met Maura. There was the need to protect Maura and to punish the person who'd done this when she looked at the picture and the bruises on her face.

Even the imagination of someone doing that to Maura made her feel incredibly furious.

There were several bruises on Maura's face and a cut on her bottom lip that didn't look to decent. Maura herself stared at the picture and closed her eyes; for just one second she felt his hand hitting her face, her lip bursting under the impact of it. She felt her lip throbbing, the warm blood trickling down; the metallic taste of blood in her mouth. She felt her body shivering with rage for a moment, remembering the fear and the hate, the tingle in her fingers after it happened.

She laid a hand on her forehead and took a deep breath.

"What happened?" Jane asked quietly and shook her head. It made her sad to see Maura like this; for a moment she was glad that Maura was their Medical Examiner now. She was less likely to be harmed like this while working in the morgue.

"I... I'd been taken hostage by a terrorist," Maura explained calmly; she could tell Jane was shocked and maybe even scared. She may have started to realize that things were far more complicated then she thought. And far more dangerous and complex.

"Oh my God," Jane whispered and tried to let it all sink in. "But... why? Why you?" Jane asked while she was trying to understand.

"He had that kind of thing with Gibbs," Maura said. "Let's just say they weren't on good terms," she said and Jane was about to smile at the way Maura was talking now. She slowly started to realize that there were indeed differences between Caitlin and Maura. She just hadn't figure it out yet since Kate was still a stranger to her. She'd have laughed if the information that the woman she loved had once been kidnapped by a terrorist wasn't so terrifying. "He took me, knowing I was an important member of his Major Case Response Team; he wanted some information."

"What did you do?" Jane asked.

"Kept my mouth shut of course," he said and laughed at the expression on Jane's face before her voice was serious again.

"How did you get outta there?"

"Well, they treated me quite nicely; considering they were terrorists. The gentleman even brought me some ice after beating up my face," she said dryly and for some reason it made Jane even more furious. "He was on a mission to assassinate the Presidents of the U.S and Israel, I wasn't what he wanted."

"I don't know what to say," Jane admitted and looked at Maura, an expression of pity, sympathy and sadness written on her face. She knew Maura was sad too, but she didn't want to show.

"It's... it's okay," she said and turned the page; she didn't want to see the picture any longer. There was manly text written on the other pages and she paused for one more moment when she read the very last sentence written in her file.

"_24__th__ of May, 2005: Special Agent Caitlin Todd was shot dead in line of duty."_

For the first time tonight she felt the sadness becoming unbearable; the pressure on her chest tightening. She felt her eyes burning with tears and blinked them away before she finally closed the file.

She knew Jane noticed and was glad that she didn't show it for now, it'd certainly be too much if she allowed Jane to close her in her arms and just let go. She wasn't quite ready for that; she still had a little strength to go on. Before Jane had a chance to say something, Maura took a photo out of the box and laughed through the tears and wiped them away with her thumb.

"Lovely," Jane said when she took the photo.

"He called me NCIS Poster girl," she said with a smile. Jane actually laughed at that one and looked at the picture of a younger woman, wearing a NCIS cap and an expression on her face that was something between amusement and boredom. The pictured basically screamed "Really?"

"Who did?"

"Tony," Maura told her. "It was my very first case with the NCIS team. A marine had died during a night-training exercise when his parachute failed to open and the reserve hadn't worked either. I showed up at the crime scene with my fancy clothes and my high heels," she said and smiled at the memory. Jane could definitely picture that.

"Gibbs hadn't been to happy about my attire and Tony thought it'd been funny," she told Jane. "That was when the picture was taken."

Jane looked at the picture for a few more seconds and asked herself what'd be like to work with Maura on a crime scene, not as colleagues but as actual partners. She might definitely like that.

"What's with the other pictures?" Jane asked and looked into the box.

"I don't know if I want you to see that," Maura told her; a part of her was actually serious.

"Can't be that bad," Jane said and wanted to take another one out of the box when she saw a slightly smaller folder.

"What's that?" she asked and took it before Maura had a chance to answer. Maura waited with her answer and let Jane have a look first; she leaned her head on her hand again, her eyes on the empty desk in front of her.

"This is amazing," Jane said and looked at each one of the portraits. "I never knew you could draw like that," Jane said and was seemingly amazed.

"There's one missing," Maura said when she watched Jane looking at the pictures. "Abby's is not in there."

"Who's Abby?" Jane asked and wondered how she might look like; she'd gotten an impression in every member of the team but her so far.

"She's the forensic. I drew her as a bat, she loved it so much that she kept it and hung it up in the lab."

"A bat?" Jane asked and raised an eyebrow.

"A bat," was all Maura said and the thought of Abby brought the sadness back to the surface. "I liked her a lot; I don't know how to face her. I'm so sorry," she said quietly. "You might see her tomorrow," Maura said.

"Just tell me if there's anything I can do,"Jane said.

"You're here," Maura told her. That's more I could've ever asked for."

With one movement, Jane closed the distance between them and kissed Maura gently. For once she didn't care if someone was watching; no one knew her so she decided not to give a damn. Maura took a deep breath after breaking the kiss and smiled at Jane who was holding holding another photo.

"Really?" Jane asked and turned the picture for Maura to see.

"Oh God," Maura whispered and laid her face in her hands. "Well, there's another one," she said and cleared her throat before handing Jane the second picture.

"Please tell me this isn't real?" she asked and raised an eyebrow at the two photos. "And why would that picture be in a box with your belongings?" Jane wanted to know and pointed at the manip of Tony she had once made when he'd been teasing her about the wet t-shirt contest picture he'd found. She had no idea he had them printed and she couldn't figure out why he might've done it.

"I made it," she said and leaned back in the chair the way she'd done it so many times before though this time there wasn't anyone watching her from the opposite. "He..." Maura started and realized that her voice was getting calmer and sadder. "We were just fooling around," she started to explain. "He was teasing me with the picture," Maura said and pointed at her own. "Threatening to tell everyone and show it to Gibbs and he wouldn't be quiet about it so..." she said and looked in the direction of his desk again. "We were... trying to work," she said and laughed quietly to herself though all sense of humor had vanished from it. "I made that picture to have something against him and we both decided to delete the pictures at the same time," she said. "Turned out we both weren't too honest. We both had the same thought and sent the pictures to Gibbs," she said and shook her head.

Jane laughed but noticed the sadness that had overcome her friend.

"We never talked about it again and he never said a word," Maura said. Those two pictures were a perfect reminder of the relationship they had. There wasn't a day without teasing of some kind, childish remarks of any kind or fooling around. It was just the way they'd been; something they needed apart from the difficulties their job offered. It was something that had defined their relationship and somehow she slowly started to understand why Tony had put the pictures in the box.

There was one last picture and she knew immediately when it had been taken; It was a rather dark picture, you couldn't make out much of the background but her face was lit with candlelight and there was an expression of amazement and happiness written all over it. Suddenly, the picture started to blur in front of her eyes when they filled with tears.

It had been taken on her 28th birthday; it had been a very long day with a though case that had already kept them busy for weeks by then and there hadn't been much time to give her birthday much of a thought. It almost seemed like no one had back then; she hadn't expected to be surprised with a birthday cake that Abby had made just for her and with a quiet little party with all team members in the office. She'd had the most wonderful birthday in ages and she'd been really touched when they'd done that for her. She'd been very happy for the first time in ages; feeling good where she'd been. Her birthdays had never been the same again after that though that had started to change once again when Jane had walked into her life.

Maura bit her lip wiped the tears from her cheeks when Jane took her hand and gently pulled her out of the chair into her arms. She laid her arms around Maura; her head on Jane's shoulder. She tried to breathe calmly; attempting to ease the pressure in her chest.

"It's okay," Jane whispered and ran her hand up and down Maura's back for some comfort. She was still trying to understand it all; processing all the information and pieces of memories she'd heard about. She was terribly tired and maybe a little confused. She wanted to come up with more words; giving her the comfort she needed but all she had to offer right now was holding her closely until she felt better.

"There's something else," Maura said quietly and let go off Jane to retrieve the object from the box. She held a small black box in her hand; the surface of it was soft and she didn't remember that one. She knew for sure that she'd never seen it before. Jane leaned against Maura, an around her hip while she looked over her shoulder.

"What is it?" Jane asked.

"I don't know," Maura answered but as soon as she opened the box she remembered it though she had only read it in the newspapers years ago. She immediately felt the tears springing back to her eyes and this time she had no strength left to fight them.

In her hands she held the Presidential Medal of Freedom that had been awarded to her.

"That's... incredible," Jane whispered and felt Maura shivering with sobs. "Sweetheart," Jane whispered and Maura turned around; Jane wrapped her arms and her legs around Maura while she was still sitting at the table and held her tightly. The sounds of Maura's heartbreaking sobs brought tears to her eyes.

"It's gonna be okay," Jane whispered and bit her lip, trying to keep her tears from falling. Maura felt tired while sobs slowly subsided. She'd been strong for so long, trying to hold on and keep going. She never had a chance to tell anyone about her secret until now. It was a relieve to let it all out but it certainly was painful at the some time and she felt herself overwhelmed with the emotions and the memories.

"I'm sorry," Maura said and Jane wiped a few tears from her face.

"Don't be," she said softly and embraced Jane again. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath; it felt good to be held like that and to feel that you know where you belong after all.

"I've never seen it," she said tearful and looked at the Medal in her hands; that wasn't the main reason why she broke into tears though. It was the whole picture of it all that pushed her over the edge. "It's..."

"Understandable," Jane said and kissed her.

"I'm tired," Maura said and Jane nodded.

"So am I and they start giving us weird looks anyways, we should get outta here before they started asking questions," Jane said and looked around. Maura had indeed forgotten about the fact that they weren't alone.

"I guess they've been told," Maura said and started putting the things back into the box. "Otherwise they would've called security already."

She closed the box and looked at it for a second; she wasn't sure if she wanted to take these home but leaving it behind didn't feel right either.

"I think I've got enough for tonight," Maura said.

"Let's give it some time to let that sink in," Jane agreed. Maura took the box from the table while Jane took her hand when they walked out of the building.


	17. Morning

**A/N: I wish you a lovely Sunday or what's left of it! Enjoy the chapter!**

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><p>The ride back to the hotel was eerily quiet while both women tried to deal with the emotions and the things they just heard and remembered. Again, Maura leaned into Jane and closed her eyes. She was terribly tired; her eyes heavy with sleep and the tears not even dried on her face yet.<p>

Maybe she'd be prepared for tomorrow. She would go back to see Abby and probably everyone else too; she was glad that she took Jane there tonight. Finding all these things while everyone else was watching her was something she wouldn't have wanted. Now she had a bit of time to let it all sink in and mentally try to prepare herself for tomorrow. She knew that the worst was over and that everything that was yet to come was just a personal thing; a matter of facing and dealing with it. She'd been through so many things by now that everything else shouldn't be a problem.

There were still things Jane needed to know, things she might be curious about and Maura was willing to tell her everything. She thought that the details of her faked death, which she didn't quite know herself, and the fact that she'd been a Secret Service Agent once were too much for just one night. There'd be lots of time to talk about this.

Jane kept her arm around Maura and looked out of the window in silence. She hadn't expected this; only a couple of weeks ago, she hadn't expected any of this to happen. Just like she had never even dreamed of falling in love with the woman in her arms one day. She looked out of the window into the darkness of the night; the street lamps passing quickly. She thought of the things that she knew about Maura now. She'd been a Special Agent for the NCIS and for some reason had been forced to make everyone believe that she was dead; at one point in her life she'd been awarded with the Presidential Medal of Freedom which was, along with the Congressional Gold Medal, the highest Civilian Award in the United States. Jane knew that it is awarded to people who have made a great contribution to the security or national interests of the United States, world peace and a few other things that Jane didn't remember now. She wondered what Maura did to receive it; she had no idea and she just realized that there were many possibilities and she'd just have to wait for Maura to tell her the reason.

She tried to imagine the relationship between Kate and Tony; she wasn't sure if she knew them both well enough to get a reasonable imagination of how it might've been. For the moment, she just didn't want to think about it and what might've happened between them. She almost smiled at herself when she felt a hint of jealousy flashing up. She instantly leaned into Maura a little and took her hand; she had already fallen asleep. Jane looked at the sleeping woman in her arms and could only see a part of her beautiful face in the semi-darkness of the car. She didn't move since she didn't want to wake her. She couldn't take her eyes off her and suddenly she saw the picture again and she felt the pain and anger flaming up. She saw the image of a beaten up woman; the very one that was sleeping so peacefully right now. Again she couldn't handle the thought of someone doing that to Maura; she didn't know how she would react if someone ever touched her again. For a second, the light of the street lamps blurred in front of her eyes and she blinked the tears away before someone noticed.

"Maur," Jane whispered softly when the car stopped in front of the hotel entrance. She kissed her softly on her forehead. "Maura, wake up," she said again and her eyelids slowly fluttered open. She looked up and saw Jane watching her from above.

"What?" she said and slowly got up. "Are we there already?" she asked quietly and got out of their semi-embrace.

"Yes, sleepyhead," Jane said and smiled at Maura. She got out of the taxi first and held her hand out for Maura to take. Only a few minutes later, they walked into the hotel that was calmer by now. Most guests had retreated to their rooms already.

"Sorry," Maura said and laid her arm around Jane's hip; leaning into her while they walked toward the elevators. Jane was holding the box with Maura's belongings.

"It's okay," Jane said and pushed the button to the fourth floor when they walked into the elevator.

"How do you know where my room is?" Maura asked and turned a bit to stand in front of Jane, laying her arms around her neck. She was glad she was wearing high heels; without her shoes that was always a little bit difficult. She took the box from Jane, put it on the floor for now and her arms back where they'd been only seconds ago.

"I'm a detective..." Jane whispered against Maura's lips and smiled; she gave in and bent forward a little; she found warm and waiting lips, slowly deepening the kiss. She moaned softly into the kiss when Maura opened her lips; her hands in Jane's neck. Jane wrapped her arms around Maura's hips and pulled her closer just before they reached the fourth floor.

Maura turned around when the doors opened, taking her hand while she walked ahead. She felt a little light headed by the emotions running through her body, the fatigue and the lack of oxygen due to the kiss. All she wanted was collapse into bed with Jane's slender arms holding her. Everything else could wait, she told herself and wasn't sure if she'd be able to let it all wait.

Jane watched the other woman entering the room first; kicking off her heels just like she did a few hours ago when she returned from the conference. Jane smiled at how tiny Maura suddenly seemed; compared to herself. It would be so easy to snuggle up to her from behind and lay her chin on Maura's shoulder. Jane put the box on the table and sat down on the edge of the bed and watched Maura walking through the room; switching lights on here and there. Jane took off her shows as well; suppressing a yawn, her eyes on Maura as she walked toward her. She parted her legs a little to let Maura step a little closer as she cupped Jane's face with her hands and smiled down at her; again she met soft lips with a gentle kiss.

"Caitlin," Jane whispered with a smile and looked up at Maura; their lips only inches apart. "That's... that's beautiful," she whispered and wrapped her arms around her. Maura smiled and pushed Jane a little until she laid flat on her back with Maura on top of her.

"You like it?" she asked without looking up from Jane's lips.

"I like it," Jane said and kissed Maura again; she placed both forearms on either side of Jane's face and propped herself up above her.

"Special Agent..." Jane whispered during another gentle kiss.

"Not anymore," Maura reminded her.

"Can I call you that?" Jane asked and wrapped her legs around Maura's body. "I think it's kinda sexy," she said and smirked at the woman above her.

"Only when we're alone," Maura said and laughed.

They looked at each other for a couple of seconds; their eyes locked. Jane looked deep into her eyes, her own heart beating against Maura's. She liked the feeling of Maura's body on top of her, softly pressing her onto the bed. She could get used to that and was certain she'd never let her go again. She knew details about her former life now, but what did it change?

Did it make her feel happier or did it change anything? She couldn't tell but what she knew was that the the only the only thing that made her happy was the fact that she was here with Maura at this moment.

"Do I get to call you babe then?" Maura asked without breaking the eye contact.

"I think we should get some sleep," Jane suggested and slowly got up; keeping Maura on her lap for now.

"You don't like it?" she asks and keeps her arms around Jane's neck.

Jane didn't say anything but didn't look to happy with Maura's choice of her nickname.

"I got some sleeping clothes for you," Maura said and got up. Jane immediately let herself fall back onto the bed and sighed. This woman would drive her crazy one day; she closed her eyes and tried not to think all the things Maura might have in store for her; or all the things she wanted to do to her. Her suitcase was still hidden in that cupboard at the end of the hallway. She was too lazy to go and get it now; whatever Maura had for her would do.

"I thought these would be good for something," Maura said and Jane opened her eyes to take the clothes; much to her surprise it was a simple blue shirt and a pair of black sweatpants.

"Wow," Jane said with faked surprise.

"What?"

"I expected something more fancy," she said and got up from the bed.

"You want something?" Maura asked with a smile.

"No," Jane answered immediately. "That's just perfect," she said and went to the bathroom to change. By the time she left the bathroom she spotted Maura laying on the bed already; her right arm was wrapped around the pillow, her head resting on it. She didn't look up when Jane closed the door to the adjoining bathroom and she guessed that Maura had fallen asleep again. She couldn't blame her; she was dead tired herself and switched off the lights as quiet as possible. She sat down on the edge of the bed and watched Maura in adoring silence. For the time being she wouldn't want to be anywhere else. She was so hurt and disappointed by the time she found out the truth that she couldn't imagine letting it all go so soon. She knew herself and she knew how stubborn she could be but when she watched Maura sleeping soundly she couldn't be mad now. There was no reason to dwell on the past any longer when everything that lay ahead suddenly looked so promising and simply wonderful.

She knew it may not be easy and a part of her had no idea how a relationship with Maura might be; she hadn't been in a relationship for ages for that matter and certainly had to get used to it. She didn't want to think of her colleagues and her family and everyone else and what they might think or say. That was the last thing she wanted to deal with now and as long as she had Maura around, she was sure she'll manage somehow.

She slid under the blanket and turned on her side; just like Maura she wrapped her arm around the pillow and watched her in the darkness. Though sleeping next to Maura would certainly never be the same again, she smiled at the fact that her face would be the first thing to see when she opened her eyes in the morning.

The next time she was aware of her surroundings must've been in the early morning hours. She woke up but kept her eyes closed. Jane felt something heavy on her own body and it took her just a second to recognize the smell that could only be Maura's. A smile crossed her lips and she listened to Maura's even breathing; her body softly moving up and down. She opened her eyes and saw that Maura had put her arm across Jane's stomach, the tip of her fingers touching the bare skin of her stomach. Her leg was somehow intertwined; her head on Jane's shoulder. She smiled at herself and asked herself how they ended up like this, she definitely didn't remember that but she'd lie saying that she didn't like it. She didn't want to wake her but there was no way in getting out of the embrace without doing so. She inhaled slowly and felt like she was trying not to be caught when she remembered that this wasn't some random morning when you wake up in the arms of someone you wish wasn't there after a night you had never wanted to happen. She wanted Maura to wake up because she wanted to look into her eyes and listen to her soft voice.

She slowly turned and Maura started to wake up when she did so; she was watching her just like she did the previous night before she surrendered to sleep though there was less distance between their bodies now. She placed a soft kiss on Maura's lips and before she had a chance to draw back she felt warm hands snaking up her neck to keep her close. Without opening her eyes she kissed Jane softly for a little while.

"I could get used to that," she whispered after their lips parted.

"You better do so," Jane told her and smiled. Maura couldn't come up with a memory of the last time someone had woken her up so tenderly. It was usually her alarm clock or her phone in the middle of the night that made her leave her bed; the other side of it was usually cold and abandoned.

"Good morning," Maura said and smiled at Jane.

"Are we gonna do this every morning now?" she asked and laughed.

"I'm afraid..." Maura said and propped herself up on her elbows. "That we'll be constantly late for work then..."

"Yeah, people might be suspicious..."

"Don't you think we've been suspicious enough already?" Maura asked and Jane let herself fall on her back, staring at the ceiling.

"Really?" she asked and Maura nodded.

"I'm afraid so," she said and Jane remembered Frost's words before she left for Washington. "What are you smiling at?"

"Frost told me to tell you that the password for your computer was far too predictable..." Jane said and cleared her throat; smiling while she waited for a reaction.

"What?" Maura wanted to know and turned on her side. "Why..."

"I needed you are..." Jane said and smiled at her as innocent as possible. "I'm sorry, love."

"What... oh..." she said and started to understand. "Did he... please tell me he didn't tell you which one it was..." she said and didn't know whether to laugh or be ashamed of herself; she buried her face into Jane's shoulder while she waited for a reaction.

"No..." Jane said. "But not that we're talking about it... what was it?"

"No... no way I'm telling you," she said and laid flat on her back just like Jane.

"Fine," Jane said after a few seconds. "Then I'll force him to tell me so!"

"Jane!" Maura said and laughed. "Leave him alone!"

"He knows it," Jane said and stopped laughing.

"Knows what?"

"Well... he thinks he knows something," Jane said and tried to explain. "About us..."

"Yeah?" Maura asked quietly and put her arms across Jane's stomach again; this time brushing the bare skin of her stomach on purpose and she didn't miss Jane's reaction at this touch. "What is it about us?" she asked, teasing her a little.

"It's... it's... " Jane said and shook her head; she failed in finding the right words to describe what they had and what they slowly started to develop. Right now, there weren't any words to express her feelings.

"Tell me what he said."

"He... he said," Jane explained and tried to focus again. "He said that it was about time. I asked him to help me get the address of the hotel."

"Yes, you asked him to hack into my personal computer to access my private details..." Maura threw in only to tease Jane a little but she ignored her.

"And when I had what I needed, I told him that I'll leave for a few days and he said that it was about time..." Jane told her.

"Remember me to thank him when we get back."

"You're not mad at me for the computer thing?" Jane asked.

"You want me to be?" Maura said and laughed. "I would be... with anyone else. But considering that you're here with me now..."

For a few seconds, both retreated to thoughtful silence until Jane remembered that this wasn't some fun trip but Maura was still attending a conference.

"You have to work today?" Jane asked and turned her head toward Maura.

"I'm supposed to attend a lecture..."

"Which means?"

"No one might actually notice when I'm gone," she said and laughed.

"I'm a bad influence for you, Dr. Isles," Jane said. "Skipping your lectures like that."

"I have to talk to Abby," Maura said and her voice was calmer again. "I can't leave without doing so. And I guess I won't get away from there so easily. The others might be around too."

"You want me to come with you?"

"I'd love you to," Maura told her and they spent a bit more time in silence; holding hands until it was time to get ready.

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><p><strong>AN: I've settled with the fact that the password 'JaneIsles' Just sayin'**


	18. Abby

**A/N: Sorry, life's been keeping me very busy at the moment. I'll try to be better the next time and update faster! x**

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><p><em>She opened her eyes early in the morning and looked out of the window without moving out of her warm and cosy bed. The sky outside was already cloudless and light blue, promising a lovely day.<em>

A good day to die,___she thought before she was able to stop herself. _

_She'd been ignoring the inevitable for the last couple of weeks, refusing to deal with the truth until the day it would actually happen. She had been persistent on not thinking about it, on distracting herself with everything she had. _

_She closed her eyes again and took a deep breath. With every second she became more aware of the situation and the change that was about to happen, the fear slowly seeping into her body. It made her feel numb, leaving her too terrified to move. Now that the day had come she wasn't just afraid but light-headed and nervous and was dying to talk to someone; longing for someone to tell her that, someday, it'll be alright. _

_She took another deep breath, inhaling the familiar scent of her home; pain flooding her body when she thought that this may be the last time she'd wake up with that scent surrounding her; nothing would ever be the same again by the time the sun would set and a new day would greet them soon. For her, it would not just be another day but the start of a new life. Little did she know that the next few years would be lonely and painful; there would never be a day she'd leave the house without the fear of getting caught or being recognized. The fear of saying the wrong things to the wrong people. While her life seemed to fall apart one by one, she didn't have a chance to think about all the terrible things she'd be forced to deal with in the future. _

_Hopefully, it would be a life without running away. Running from something she didn't even really now, from people she'd never met. She resented the day it'd all started and she'd been nothing but a very unfortunate soul who'd been at the wrong place at the wrong time. She knew too much and she also knew that it was the people she worked with. Gibbs to be more precise. Someone seemed to have a problem with him and figured that the only way to really get to him was by killing her. She couldn't deal with it any longer; she wanted to settle down one day without having to worry that she'd return home only to find out that they'd taken away everything she had. That someone had blown up her house while she was out doing grocery shopping. She didn't want a life where she had to worry about her own life and even her children's every day and always turn around twice to make sure everything was the way it was supposed to be. She felt herself being scared every day; it had made it hard to focus and to lead a life that she was enjoying. _

_That had passed long ago and that wasn't what she had in mind when she signed up to protect her country. She'd always loved what she was doing; she knew the risks and she'd agreed to take them but she was at a point in her life where she suddenly felt like she couldn't take it any more. The thought of being on the run for the rest of her days was something she couldn't live with, especially since it wasn't something that'd been her fault in the first place. She had nothing to do with whatever had happened between her boss and Ari but somehow they'd put her right in the middle of it. It hadn't simply endangered her life but also those of her colleagues. Since she'd been their major target she didn't want to deal with the fact that anyone was harmed just because they wanted her. She didn't want it to happen; she'd seen it happening once with Gerald in the morgue and though he'd simply wanted evidence, he certainly wouldn't have hesitated to kill her if he'd had the chance and she knew he'd have never stopped until he'd done so. _

_By the time Jenny had offered her to give her a fresh start, she couldn't even imagine how every little thing was supposed to work out. She hardly asked questions; she never asked why she offered that to her. Why she took such risks to give her the chance of a carefree life. She hadn't cared much about the reason behind this offer and she would never know now. _

_She opened her eyes again and blinked several times; her body felt heavy as lead and refused to obey her commands. She had to get out of be sooner or later; she had never shown up late for work and that wouldn't change today. _

Caitlin, _she whispered softly to herself; listening again to the sound of her own name. The one that her parents had given her. She swallowed the sadness and a part of her was glad that her parents had died already so they wouldn't be forced to suffer the loss of her beloved child while she had to try to life with the thought of putting them through such misery while it was nothing but a lie after all. _

_She didn't worry about money; her grandparents had left her enough money to get through the rest of her life without ever having to work again for a single day but she never talked about it. She didn't want people to know; they would start asking questions, wanting to know where the money came from and why she wasn't working. She had to avoid that at all costs; telling lies on so many accounts could never end up well; she would make a mistake one day and it'd all been done for good. She couldn't risk that and she wanted to work. She needed a distraction and something steady while she was trying to settle down again. _

_Kate rolled on her site and stared at the figures on her alarm clock, surprised that she wasn't running late already. Time was dragging by painfully slow; she should've seen it coming. _

How many people wake up in the morning, knowing that they would be dead by the end of the day?_ Despite the once who chose to end their lives, she couldn't think of any. People decide to get married on a certain day, to have a caesarian scheduled; knowing that you will be a parent at the end of the day._

But death?

_While being confronted with death so many times at work, she never expected it to be a part of her own life so very soon. She considered herself way too young to settle with thought of dying until she found herself arranging the day she would disappear. The day a part of her would be gone forever. _

_When she'd been asked for a name, Maura had been the first one to come to her mind, it just sounded right. In about 24h Caitlin Todd would be gone and she'd wake up in the morning as Maura Isles. She felt the tears burning in her eyes as she finally got out of bed and walked to the bathroom; careful on not looking at her own stuff. She was looking at it while walking by but it felt like she was watching it through a soft haze, blurring all the details. All of this would be gone in a couple of weeks; she couldn't take any of it. It was too risky and she only had this one chance. Tears were streaming down her face when she entered the bathroom, looking at the reflection of a person who was now a stranger to her. _

_Who would she be? How much of herself would be Maura in the end? She didn't know, she had to adapt to her new surroundings and her new job and decide how much she could let them see and how many things she would change. She couldn't just life on with a new name while being the very same person, she knew that._

_Her hands grabbed the edge of the sink, tightening the grip when she found her reflection blurring in front of her eyes; she closed them and tried to hold on. She forced her eyes open by the sudden rush of dizziness, cold sweat breaking out on her face, her heart pounding. She felt herself panicking, her strength fading from her body. She didn't know what to do, she was afraid and let herself slide to the floor; leaning against the bathtub. She closed her eyes again and leaned her cheek against the cold tiles, listening to her pounding heart while the tears proceeded falling down her cheeks. _

_There was one question she would never be able to answer, the one she'd been asking ever since it started. _

Why?

_It made her furious and sad at the same time. It wasn't fair, but then again life wasn't fair at all. That's just the way it is. She had long lost the strength to believe that everything happened for a reason. She couldn't see the good in any of this. At this point, while she was an emotional wreck, trying to prevent a total nervous break down, she couldn't imagine a day in her future when she'd ever be happy again. How could she be happy with not being herself? With living a lie every day from now on. She couldn't see how it is possible to make friends and find someone you love while you know that you're lying to that person's face all the time._

_By the time the panic had slowly subsided she felt weak and tired; she wanted to go back to bed and sleep through the day; why couldn't she just run away? She almost laughed to herself when she realized that this was exactly what she was about to do._

_An hour later, she arrived at work like every other morning._

When they finally made it out if bed and got dressed to get some breakfast, Maura felt herself growing more nervous with every passing minute. As much as she wanted to see Abby, she was scared. She didn't know what to say and what to do.

"I... I can't do it!" Maura said desperately while she was pacing the room. Jane was watching her from the bed, a smile on her face. Though she couldn't quite imagine what her friend must be going through it amused her to see her level-headed friend, who always seemed to be in control, totally shaken and on the verge of freaking out. "I mean, what am I gonna do?" she asked and looked at Jane who held her breath, trying not to smile and come up with an answer but Maura didn't even give her a chance.

"I can't just... walk in there!" she said and threw her hands in the air. "It's gonna scare the hell out of her; I would be scared or at least asking myself if I finally lost it..." she allowed herself to breathe for a second and looked at Jane. "I don't want to," she said calmer this time and looked a little desperate indeed. Jane got up from the bed and put her arms on Maura's shoulders.

"Look at me," Jane said and Maura raised her head. "You'll be fine."

"But it just feels weird and I'm afraid of her reaction," Maura admitted. "I don't know if someone told her already or not!"

"As much as I hate to say this but I'm afraid you'll just have to go through with it and deal with it."

"I know," she said and leaned into Jane. "I just wish it was over already."

This time, Jane laughed.

"What's so funny about it?" she wanted to know and looked at Jane.

"Nothing,"

"Oh, don't give me "nothing"..." she said and waited for an explanation.

"It's just... I never thought I'd see you like this. You're always in control and now you're freaking out."

"I'm not freaking out!"

"Yes, you are," Jane said and nodded. She pulled Maura into a hug again and closed her eyes for a second. She knew she could stay here forever; with no one bothering them and nothing to care about. Just Maura and her.

"Oh God," Maura whispered after a few seconds. "I am freaking out..."

"Wanna get breakfast?" Jane asked to get a chance to distract her a little until it was time to face it. Jane knew that Maura would probably hate herself if she didn't go now and return to Boston without meeting Abby.

They worked their way through breakfast and many "what-if's" along the way. Jane watched Maura silently while she sipped her coffee and asked herself when it'd all had changed exactly. It felt like they were acting in different roles now. Jane didn't have much time to consider it yet and think about what it meant for her. She wasn't used to be the one to give comfort and deal with emotions the way she had the past days and she had always been dreading it. This time, it didn't feel like she had a chance and she felt herself getting used to it slowly.

It'd always been Maura who calmed her down, who never cared about showing her emotions and dealing with it. Now it was Jane's to support her friend as much as she needed it. Even if that meant that she'd see her crying again. There were many things she could deal with and still this was one thing she just couldn't get used to. It hurt her each time she saw Maura crying but it'd hurt her even more to turn her back to her and walk away again.

A part of her was excited to meet a few more people from Maura's past and see the place she worked in by daylight; she wanted to find out more about Maura from another person's perspective. She just hoped that it'd be as pleasant for Maura as she was excited.

"You want me to wait here?" Jane asked when they entered the NCIS headquarters.

"No," Maura said quietly and shook her head. She took one last deep breath and walked ahead. Jane followed her. The room was flooded with sunlight and crowded with people who seemed pretty busy behind the screens. It seemed like almost every desk was occupied now; there was the sound of quiet chatter, fingers hammering busily on keyboards; a phone ringing here and there. Maura was aware of every step she took as she headed for the same spot they visited last night. She noticed that a couple of people looked up from their screens when she walked by; some of them seem to recognize her and people talked. They must've heard about the rumors; about what had happened in Boston. She stopped next to Tony's desk and he looked up.

"Hello Tony," she said softly; it was nice to see him but she also knew that the unpleasant part was yet to come.

"Hey," he said and looked at her. For a couple of seconds he didn't know what to say. He thought about telling her how wonderful it was to see her; how beautiful she looked but then he saw Jane waiting at a respective distance, trying not to look too awkward while she waited. He knew there was something between them; something he would never be able to give her.

"Where's everyone?" she asked when she saw the empty tables. In the background she heard Jane's phone ringing and recognized the ringtone Jane had chosen for her mother. Maura turned around and nodded while Jane answered the call, walking toward the door.

"Crime scene," he simply said. "You here to see Abby?"

"Yes."

"She knows already," Tony told her. "I'm not sure she actually believes it but Gibbs told her."

Maura had a feeling that the conversation was over for now; she looked at him for another few seconds and asked herself what was going on but would deal with it later on.

"Okay," she said and walked toward the elevator to meet Abby.

Abby didn't turn around when she heard the elevator; there was only one person she expected and that was Gibbs demanding information that would help him solve his case.

"Sorry Gibbs, you're too early," Abby said without looking up. Maura looked around the lab; a smile crossed her face. Nothing seemed to have changed, not even Abby. Not her appearance anyways, it suddenly felt like a welcome trip back to her past.

"Hello Abby," Maura said softly and waited; she thought it might be wise to keep a little distance between them.

"Wha-" Abby said and turned around. She stopped whatever she was saying mid-sentence; there was a mixture of surprise and shock written on her face. Maura knew that she didn't quite believe what she was seeing yet.

"No, no, no," Abby said quietly to herself and shook her head. "So... so it is true," she said and didn't know what to do. This couldn't be happening. She remembered how she imagined that Kate was here after her death; that couldn't be happening again, she'd been through this once and she couldn't do it again.

"Yes," Maura said. "It is true," she said and approached.

"I don't know," Abby said and turned around again to busy herself with whatever she'd been doing before Maura walked in. "I've been there once," she said more to herself. "I just can't do it again. You're dead," she said and shook her head. She didn't want to believe it while a part of her was happy if Kate was really there.

"I know it's hard," Maura said quietly and walked a little closer; she carefully laid a hand on Abby's shoulder. "And I'm sorry," Maura told her. "I'm so sorry about all of this, please look at me. Look at me and let me explain."

Abby turned around; and looked into her face. She was standing right in front of her; she was touching her. She wanted to hug her and never let her go again, she wanted to know so many things; ask so many questions. She felt close to tears but at the same time she was furious with Kate. With Kate, she had lost a very good friend. The best she'd ever had and the weeks after her death were incredibly painful and she remembered imagining that Kate was with her; she even kept talking to her. Before she realized what she was doing, she slapped her.

Maura didn't expect it and closed her eyes and felt the pain in her left cheek. She didn't know what to do and it'd left her absolutely stunned with surprise and by the time she realized what had happened, she couldn't even be mad with her. Abby stared at her with a shocked look on her face; she covered her mouth with her hand while Maura touched her cheek.

"Oh My God, ohmygod," she whispered. "I'm so sorry!" she said and pulled Maura in a hug. "I'm so sorry!"

"It's okay," Maura said and laid her arms around Abby. "I probably deserved it."

"It's really you," Abby said quietly and got out of the embrace and wiped the tears of her cheeks. "I can't believe it!"

"Tell me about it," Maura said and smiled softly; tears in her eyes.

"I just... don't understand..." Abby said and looked at her hands. She started pacing in front of Maura.

"Gibbs told me something... and... and I thought he was trying to fool with me but.. he's Gibbs. He wouldn't do that. He would never do that to me," she said and was getting a little hysterical so Maura took her by the ankle and pulled her in a hug again.

"It's okay," Maura whispered. "Calm down," she said. "Please."

"Okay," Abby said and took a deep breath. "I'm gonna cry now."

"I missed you," Maura said and felt the tears burning in her eyes. "Do you hate me now?"

"I wish I could but I'm just glad to see you," Abby said and good out of the embrace to look at her. "You're beautiful," she said and smiled through the tears.

"Sorry I slapped you," she said looked over Maura's shoulder. She saw a tall brunette standing by the elevator, her long curly hair falling over her shoulders. She was watching them with a shy smile on her face, turning her head from one side to another. It seemed like she wasn't quite sure of what to do.

"Who's that?" Abby asked and let go of Maura. Maura turned around and looked at Jane; now that she felt a little relaxed, Jane appeared to be the one who was nervous about it all.

"That's my... best friend," Maura said and bit her lip. What was she gonna say? Her lover? She knew it wasn't quite true. Jane wasn't just her lover, it was the person she loved but they hadn't quite talked about it yet. Maybe it was no one's business for the moment.

Maura looked at Jane again and she walked into the lab. She kept her eyes on Jane.

_God, I love this woman,_ she thought.

"So, you must be Abby," Jane said when Maura remained silent.

"Guilty," Abby said and held her hand out to Jane.

"Jane Rizzoli," she said and smiled. She had a lot of things in mind when she thought of the kind of person Abby might be but that was certainly not what she'd expected but there was something about her that Jane liked.

"Nice to meet you Jane," she said.

"I don't wanna interrupt you," she said.

"Oh you're not," Maura said and Abby turned around to the equipment on her desk.

"I don't wanna be rude," she said and wrote down something on a slip of paper. "I have to get something outta this or Gibbs will have my ass when he's back," she says. "And... I... I have to do something, because this is crazy... " Abby said and looked at the women watching her. "Just gimme some time, okay?"

Maura smiled. "Just take all the time you need."

"Hey you wanna know what kind of music I had them playing at your funeral?" she asked out of the blue and Maura laughed when Jane looked at her with an expression on her face that clearly said "Really?"

For just one second Maura was taken aback by that question but it wouldn't change anything with being sad about it now. After all, that was a part she had absolutely no idea about. While a part of her didn't want to get into to many details here, she was also curious.

"Tell me."

"Jazz music," Abby simply said. "I know you would've loved it and I refused to have everyone crying, you would've hated it."

"Sounds perfect," Maura said and looked at Jane with a smiled. Abby watched the two of them for a few seconds and turned her attention back to the fluids she's been handling when Jane's phone rang again. She rolled her eyes and Jane reached for her phone.

"I'm sorry, I gotta take this," she said. "I'll be right back."

Maura nodded.

"It was nice to meet you, Abby," she said and waved.

"Nice to meet you too," she said and looked at her until Jane was out of sight.

"What?" Maura asked when Abby looked at her with a smirk on her face.

"Your friend?" Abby asked.

"Yes..." Maura said. "Why?"

"Oh, come on!" Abby said. "Don't tell me she's just your friend..."

Maura turned her gaze away from Abby and but her lip, trying not to smile but failed badly.

"Awwwwww," Abby said and was certainly getting excited about this. "So, what is it?" 

"I... I... I love her," Maura said and realized that this was the first time she'd actually said it out loud and it felt wonderful.

"That's wonderful," Abby said and hugged her again. "She seems like a great person... it's gonna break Tony's heart."

"I know," Maura admitted softly.

"He'll get over it," Abby said. "You have to tell me everything!"

"I will Abby, I can't wait to catch up. Unfortunately we're going back to Boston tonight and... I really have to talk to Tony before I leave," she said and Abby looked sad for just one second. "You're welcome to visit me any time you want and we'll meet as soon as possible!"

"Sounds amazing, I can't wait to get outta here for a few days!" Maura left Abby her new contact details and they said goodbye for what felt like an eternity and shed a few tears again though they both knew they would meet again very soon. Jane met Maura by the door and before they entered the elevator.

"Kate?" Abby asked. "Am I still allowed to call you that?" she asked. "I don't know if I can get used to anything else... anyways. I'm really, really sorry," she said and Maura looked at her with a questioning look on her face. "I... you know, you were... gone and... I... I told Tony the truth about your tattoo..."

She bit her lip and shrugged but Maura just laughed out loud and said: "Don't worry," and turned around to leave.


	19. Who We Are

**A/N: Again, I'm unbelievably sorry how long it took me to update. I hope you'll forgive me...**

* * *

><p><span>San Francisco<span>

_The sun was still shining brightly at this Wednesday afternoon when she arrived on the street that was now her home. She watched the moving van in front of her house from the taxi and asked herself what she'd find in there. No one had asked her to choose anything and there's no way they took her own stuff since someone would come to clear the place it would raise suspicions if all of her stuff had suddenly vanished. _

_She took a deep breath and paid the taxi driver without saying a word; actually she hadn't said a single word since they came to pick her up except when it had been absolutely necessary. She tried to deal with the thoughts of what she must've left behind and it cost too much strength to keep it all together which made speaking a rather secondary task._

_She stood on the sidewalk in front of the path that led to her front door. She took another deep breath and closed her eyes, the Californian sun tickling on her face. The air smelled differently, it was rather sweet and she felt like she could hear the ocean from afar but it didn't seem too pleasant by now. She looked to her right and her left without moving an inch and saw some of her new neighbors watching. She didn't expect anything else, that's what people did when something changed in their lives or the street they life on. It's natural for people to be curious and little did they know that this was exactly what would turn her life into a living hell for the next couple of weeks. She knew that there was no escape; sooner or later she had to face them in order to appear normal and make them believe that everything is alright. _

_She forced a smile on her face and and nodded in the direction of two women two houses away and walked toward the front door; intent on not looking at them for too long. Not until she had a chance to settle down and accept that this quiet suburban life was what her life had turned into. At least for a few years, this was her life if she hated it or not. The street just looked like one of those pretty suburban streets that you see on TV with their pretty front yards, thorough housewives and kids playing on the street. She always laughed at this picture, thinking that it would bore the hell out of her and now she was where she never wanted to be. _

_She opened the front door, her heart pounding with anticipation. She had no imagination of what would expect her. As she stood in the entrance hall of her house, she felt like stepping into someone else's world. This wasn't a place where she belonged, this wasn't hers and she immediately hated it. All she wanted to do was turn around and walk out and never come back but she knew she had nowhere else to go. She sighed with frustration and slowly walked through every room, instantly checking if there was something odd about it despite the obvious. She felt flooded with impressions and felt barely able to deal with them. She was watching everything but then again she felt like she hadn't seen anything at all. She reached the bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed, her hand sliding across the cold sheet that felt so strange to her. She turned her head and looked out of the window to catch a glance at her backyard. For the first time in many hours she was alone and although it seemed terribly scary at the one hand, she was fairly grateful at the other. Things had changed so fast that she never felt like having a chance to take it all in. She was exhausted and could barely move, she just wanted to sit here forever and watch her life passing by but there was a van full of stuff that was 'hers' that had to be unpacked and there were neighbors to greet and so many things to organize that she had no time to rest._

_Despite her desperate wish to stay and hide here forever, she got up from the bed and walked to the window; carefully watching into her backyard from a distance. _

Always stay away from windows_, she heard a voice inside her head. What if someone was watching her this instant and everything she had done was in vain? How was she supposed to deal with everything, what if someone noticed that something wasn't the way it was supposed to be. There were so many questions inside her head that it made her feel like she was trying to talk to at least ten people at the same time. _

_Kate re-entered the living room and found a pile of papers on the desk in the kitchen that she hadn't noticed before. She closed her front door and reminded herself that it was a very stupid thing to do and since there was no one to help her unpack it didn't appear rude. There was a bunch of official documents, and a credit card with 'Maura Isles' written on it. That was everything she needed to get her life started again, at least she didn't have to worry about the money. There was a note saying that she'd be able to start going back to uni on Monday which gave her about four days to get some kind of order into that mess and go back to studying medicine and pretend that this was what she'd always been wanting to do. She found another slip of paper with a credit card pin written on it along with the information that all her money had been transferred to her new accounts. Maura sat down at one of the chairs and laid her face in her hands, resisting the urge to cry. She didn't like how quiet everything was, it scared her so she decided that it was time to get up and do something. She took the documents from the table and hid them in one of the drawers before she walked back to the moving van to start unpacking. _

_Though she felt utterly exhausted at the end of the day, she was still avoiding to go to bed. She felt restless and she couldn't imagine that she'd ever get used to everything. The house appeared empty and strange to her; she checked all doors and windows twice to make sure everything was locked before she switched off the lights and went upstairs. Again, she stood in her bedroom and thought that this wasn't right. It felt like she just checked into a hotel room instead of just having moved into a new house. She sighed in frustration and couldn't help but look over her shoulder once before she left the room. She moved slowly and tried to focus on details. She closed the bathroom door although she knew there would be no one watching her and suddenly the deadly silence scared her more then anything else ever had. She stared at her reflection the way she had only yesterday; just a day before and nothing would ever be the same again. She had known back then and she knew that now. _

_She looked into her own eyes but even she knew something was different; along the fear came a feeling of helplessness that left her with anger and frustration. It was now that she realized that the previous hours had cost all the strength she had and that there was nothing left to move on. She suddenly felt empty with everything that had been taken away from her. She burst into tears and her body shook with the sobs, her cries echoing in the empty bathroom and before she knew what she was doing she hit the mirror, shattering her reflection into a hundred tiny pieces. She felt the glass piercing through her hand, the pain raging through her body and the warmth of her blood covering her skin. _

_She stared at the dark red emerging from the cuts; her pulse rushing. She had died a couple of hours ago and yet she was very alive indeed. She sank to the floor and leaned against the bathtub, silently crying while she wished that someone would be there to hold her and tell that everything would be alright one day. She didn't know how long it took until her tears subsided but by the time it did, she just stared at the door. She wanted to get up but her body refused to obey her wishes. _

_Kate had drifted off to sleep several times before she had enough willpower to leave the bathroom, leaving the scattered mess behind. The bedroom was dark and seemed scarier then ever but she kept moving and sat down on the bed, taking off her clothes in defeated silence. Subconsciously she kept listening for any sound that might indicate danger and it didn't help when she noticed that she didn't have her gun to protect herself. She laid down and stared at the ceiling; leaving the light on as the tears streamed down her face. She knew that a part of it wasn't even a lie; she had died today, something inside of her had. The longer she kept thinking about it, the weirder it sounded. It couldn't be; she didn't want to believe that this had happened. This couldn't be happening to her; she's spent years of her life protecting her country and the President of the United States, this couldn't be the reward for everything she had done. She almost laughed at that thought, telling herself that it must've been a terrible mistake and it wouldn't last long. _

_The last thought she had before falling asleep was that she'd go back to Washington sooner or later, they couldn't keep her away forever._

Washington D.C

Her cheek still felt hot where Abby had slapped her but she couldn't even be mad; she was the only one who had shown some kind of reaction that she understood for now. She was shocked but most of all she was happy and although she had no idea why it had all happened, she didn't seem to be mad at her. Gibbs had been rather friendly when he found out about the truth but she knew that there was more to it. He'd been happy to see her alive after all but she knew him well enough to know that, deep inside, he was probably angry with her and the more she thought about it, the more she realized that he was the last one who had any right to be mad at all.

Much to her surprise she found him by the Directors office and it suited her just fine.

"Caitlin," he said calmly and she didn't miss the fact that he refused to let go of her name. She ignored it and took a deep breath, trying to keep calm.

"You're angry with me," she said and they both knew it wasn't a question.

"What do you expect?" he wanted to know and she sat down on a chair next to him.

"That's what I'm asking you," she said and Gibbs looked at her. He either didn't get her point or he didn't want to. "I know you well enough; you've been happy to see me and everything was fine? I never really bought that..."

"It's been hard on everyone," he said and Maura laughed out loud; it was bitter and humorless.

"Yes," she whispered. "So hard on everyone else. Hard on you, you, you and every one else," she said and felt herself getting furious. "It may surprise you but it's not like I had a couple of lovely years without giving a damn about everything and everyone," she said and was still calm.

He remained silent for a while before he said: "Why?"

"Why?" she asked and raised her voice; she got up from the chair and started pacing the room. "Why? You're asking me that? Can you even imagine how many times I asked myself that question? How many nights I lay awake, hating myself for what happened until I remembered that none of this had been my fault in the first place!"

"You blaming me?" he wanted to know.

"I'm trying not to, Gibbs," she said and felt the tears burning in her eyes. "I'm trying so hard not to do that but you have to stop acting like I did this because I wanted to; because I was sick of the life I had and thought it was time for a change. That's not how it'd worked and you know that."

He shook his head in silence without looking at her.

"I'm going back to Boston tonight," she said matter-of-factly and sensed that their conversation was over for now.

"It was nice to see you," she said and he didn't even look up when she left. On her way down she saw Tony still sitting behind his desk and pushed her anger away for now.

"I have to talk to you," she said when he looked up as she approached. He got up and followed her without a word; maybe she wasn't as good at hiding her anger as she thought. They went into an empty office. She leaned against the edge of the table and watched him across the room.

"I know why you're here," he said quietly and she bit her lip.

"I can't leave without telling you myself," she said and sighed.

"What's the point?" he wanted to know.

"I don't want it to end just like that," Maura said.

"What is there left to end?" he wanted to know and stepped a little closer.

"You know how many times I have thought of you? How much I've missed you?" she said and faced him. "I lost track of how many times I was about to call you because I have missed you so much, asking myself if it'd worked out."

"What did you think? Did you ever think it would have?"

"I don't know, I really don't know. I guess there was a time I had wanted it to work out but I honestly don't know if that would've ever been the case."

"And now it's just gone?" he asked.

"It's been seven years, Tony," she said with a trace of sadness. "I've been dead for seven years," she said and let that sink in. "Things have changed."

"You love Jane," he said.

"I'm sorry I kissed you, it wasn't fair," she told him; she could tell he was hurt and even disappointed.

"Good luck," he said quietly and stepped closer to kiss her on her cheek softly before he left the room.

"Tony!" she called after him but the door had closed already. She laid her face in her hands and sighed; she refused to cry now and all she wanted to do was to get out of here and have Jane comforting her and get back home.

Jane immediately looked up when Maura left the building and she knew that something was wrong.

"Are you okay?" she asked with a trace of worry in her voice.

Maura quietly shook her head and leaned into Jane who wrapped her arms around her girlfriend; she closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"That bad?" Jane wanted to know.

"I guess it'll be okay," Maura said. "Let's just go home," she said and Jane nodded.

"I can't wait to."

San Francisco

_She opened her eyes and everything appeared dark at first sight; she couldn't see anything straight ahead and the light of the nightlight blinded her. Her heart was raging inside her chest; every inch of her body was awake and tensed with fear. She felt the cold sweat on her skin; shivering when the cold night wind hit her body. She sat up in bed; she listened carefully but there didn't seem to be anything wrong. There was nothing but birds singing early in the morning; she saw the sun brightening up the horizon far away and she knew that sunrise wasn't too far from now. There would be daylight and the world would look different soon. At daylight she felt safer, there was no need to be afraid. _

_Since there was no way she'd go back to sleep now, she got out of bed and entered the bathroom; shivering at the morning chill. One by one she started to pick up the remains of her mirror and removed the blood from the tiles. By the time the sun had risen, she was so exhausted already that all she wanted to do was go back to bed. _

_She walked down the stairs and sat down at the table in the kitchen; feeling light-headed and nauseated. She couldn't remember the last time she had something to eat and although she wasn't quite hungry she knew that this was what she had to do in order to get through this. She wasn't even surprised when she actually found food in her fridge since they'd obviously taken care of everything for now. She didn't even ask questions. _

_It was a quiet and disconsolate, lonely morning. And it was just the first of many yet to come. _

_It's been more then twenty-four hours since she had said a single word and she knew that she couldn't hide inside the house forever. She sat down on the steps in front of the front door and watched the life on the street for a while. It was still early in the morning when an elderly lady walked by and stopped for a second before she walked up the path toward her. _

"_Hello dear," she said kindly and Kate looked up; she seemed friendly and she didn't appear very threatening to be honest. "You're the new kid, right? Heard the neighbors talking. I just life at the end of the street."_

"_I guess that's me," Kate said quietly. _

"_You don't seem to be too happy," the woman said. "Don't worry," she said and slowly sat down on the steps next to her. "It's not that bad actually, once you got used to it."_

_Kate forced a smile on her lips and nodded without a word. _

"_What do I call you then?" the lady asked. _

_Kate hesitated for a moment and thought about it carefully. _

"_Maura," she said and heard the sound of her name spoken out loud for the very first time. "My name is Maura Isles."_

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><p><strong>AN: I just wanna say that this is NOT the last time we've seen Gibbs or Tony.**


	20. Ghosts

_It was dark by the time they arrived at Logan International Airport. Whoever they were, they didn't talk much and Kate didn't mind. She just did was she was told to, moved when she thought it was needed. Only breathing was something that happened at this moment without giving it a second thought. She needed it to survive and it was all she had. She sat in the back of the black van, holding the passport and the plane ticket she'd just been given. Both had her new name written on it and she'd leave the state with a new life ahead. She didn't care that they took her all the way to Boston, maybe they thought it might be safer to fly out from there. As she'd leaned back in her seat for almost eight hours, she thought there would be so many things torturing her thoughts but there was nothing and she simply stared straight ahead for almost the whole time. It never once occurred to her that things weren't the way they were supposed to be. What if someone had tricked her and they weren't taking her to a safe place like they promised but actually kidnapping her?_

_Right now, she wasn't afraid or angry, it all seemed so surreal that it was hard to believe. She felt numb and empty and she just couldn't think about it. She didn't want to imagine what she had left behind; the pain it'd cause them all to get through this. The guilt and the anger. She couldn't let that touch her now, she had to go on and be strong, be the kind of person she used to be. She saw the terminal from the distance, the bright lights of the airport illuminating her face every now and then as the car slowed down. She remained seated when they reached the parking lot and waited for someone to open the door. Usually she hated this, she would've gotten out of the car herself but this time she just couldn't do it. She couldn't do it and as soon as she left the car, she was out there on her own and there was no going back. She thanked the man who handed her a bag and closed the door behind her and looked straight ahead when she walked through the glass doors into the terminal. She didn't look back once because she knew there'd be no one waiting for her. _

_It wasn't like she'd just go away for some time, feeling nervous because there'd be so many new things. Eventually this feeling would pass and she knew she was going to return so it was fine; that's how things worked except for her. She would never return to this place the way she had once been. _

_She felt her heart pounding in her chest, her pulse drumming in her ears. She walked to the security check to get to a safe point, away from all the people. She looked around, feeling that everyone was watching her. _

_Someone must knew, she thought and kept walking. Someone always does. She felt light-headed and nauseated but took a deep breath and never stopped for one second. What if someone recognized her? She couldn't help but think that there was someone watching her. At some point Kate was forced to wait in line for the security check and she kept her head down, anxiously bitting her lip. She couldn't look at anyone because somehow everyone seemed familiar and everyone might be a threat to her. By the time it was her turn, her hand was shaking when she handed over her passport. Suddenly everything moved in slow motion and she felt getting sick with fear. One tiny mistake and it was over. _

What if they knew that the passport was fake?_ What was there left to do for her? Within seconds, she thought about a million things to get out of here, trying to find a way to escape just in case although she knew it was nonsense. There was no way out. She was trapped between an armed security officer and a long line of people that allowed no way through. After all, she had an explanation that might allow her to walk away without having to worry but it'd still blow her cover and she couldn't risk that. _

So far so good,_ she thought and took a deep breath when the officer waved her through. He was holding her passport and she did her best to look as innocent as possible but just as she was about to reach for her bag, she heard them screaming. _

"_No one move!" she heard a man shouting._

"_Hold on, Ma'am," the officer in front of her said and her body went numb with fear. She couldn't make sense of what was happening right now. _What did she do wrong?_ It all seemed to be the way it should've been. She was just seconds away from entering her new life; a life that was supposed to be safe and yet she saw it all slipping away within an instant. _

_She heard lots footsteps getting louder as a couple of people came running closer. _

"_Where did he go?" she heard a woman asking angrily. "Where?" she screamed at one of the officers that was closest to her. She held on to her site with her right hand as she was trying to calm down after the chase. _

"_I wanna see all of your security footage now," she said to another man and he nodded without a further word. It was then that Kate saw the badge that she was carrying, the gun attached to her left side. She looked at the tall woman from a little distance, her long curly hair tied back in a loose ponytail. She was obviously a detective since she wasn't wearing a uniform and it slowly dawned on her that none of this had to do with her. _

_She kept staring at the female detective for a few more seconds; she was scanning the crowd, whatever it was that she was looking for. For just a couple of seconds, their eyes locked. She saw those dark brown eyes and suddenly she knew there was nothing to fear. She had nothing to be afraid of._

"_Excuse me?" the officer said and it sounded like someone was talking to her from a great distance. "Miss Isles?" he said again and she slowly realized that he was talking to her. "You can go now," he said and handed her the passport. She picked up her bag and left, feeling close to tears. She was exhausted and emotionally drained and she wasn't sure she could handle any more stress now. It was in the middle of the night and things finally calmed down a little. The detective had long been gone by then. _

"You ready to go?" Jane asked when they arrived at the airport.

"More then ready," Maura said and they got out of the car. There was a lot going on since it was summer time and many people were eager to go some place nice. Right now, the only place Maura wanted to go was home. Back to Boston and be with Jane and although she knew that nothing would be the same by the time they returned, she wasn't scared. There was still a lot to talk about but it needed time; they just needed some time.

Jane walked next to Maura, following her since she seemed to know exactly where they had to go. She watched her from the side and for the first time since all of this had started, she felt the slightest hint of happiness. A feeling that she was indeed a very lucky person and that nothing could take Maura away from her. Coming to Washington was maybe one of the craziest things she's ever done but she'd do it again if she had to. She nearly lost Maura once and she couldn't let that happen again; she wanted to be with her but it wasn't as easy to say as she thought. She was still very nervous and this was still new to her but she really wanted it. While she was walking through the terminal it suddenly occurred to her that it didn't seem to be very new to Maura, so either she there was still a lot that she had to tell Jane or she was very good at hiding her nervousness.

Jane didn't miss the fact that her hand accidentally brushed against Maura's while they were walking and after a while she found herself doing it on purpose and Maura laughed at the surprised look on Jane's face when she finally took her hand and held it. Jane smiled but didn't say anything.

"We should skip this," Jane said impatiently after a while; the queue didn't seem to move at all.

"How so?" Maura asked.

"I mean, I'm a detective... you're a Medical Examiner..." Jane said and Maura already knew where this was going.

"No," she said before Jane even finished the sentence.

"We could always make up something," Jane threw in but Maura shook her head.

"Wouldn't be fair, would it?" Maura reminded Jane. "They're all waiting and it doesn't change the fact that boarding doesn't start for another 90 minutes at least," Maura said and Jane went quiet for a few seconds.

Maura leaned her head against Jane's shoulder, lost in thoughts.

"I used to be terrified of security checks," Maura said after a while.

"Sorry?" Jane asked.

"In the beginning, you know," Maura explained. "I was so afraid someone would notice," she said and Jane understood.

Just like so many things, Jane could only imagine how that must've been for her and it made every hint of anger that she had once felt when she found out about the truth, simply vanish.

"I understand," Jane said and laid a hand around Maura's waist, holding her close. When it was their turn, Maura went through first and it looked like things had never been different at all. Maura took her bag and walked ahead, waiting for Jane and suddenly she was frozen in place.

"Oh my God," she whispered to herself.

She couldn't move as she tried to understand. She felt disbelief and sadness flush her body at the memory. She had never given it a second thought back then but now it was all back and she couldn't believe it. She suddenly found herself standing at the exact same place where Jane had stood seven years ago. She knew it'd been a different airport but that didn't matter. She was standing behind the security check, staring at all the people waiting and at Jane who was just getting her bag.

"Maura?" Jane asked as she approached. "Is everything alright?"

"No, no, no..." Maura whispered more to herself and shook her head. "This just can't be," she said and shook her head again.

"What?" Jane wanted to know. "What is it?" Jane asked as she lead Maura aside.

"I... I have seen you before," Maura whispered and felt the tears in her eyes. At the same time she didn't know whether to laugh or not.

"What are you talking about?" Jane asked.

"I have seen you at Logan Airport seven years ago," she said and looked deep into Jane's eyes; there was no doubt that these were the same eyes she'd looked into all these years ago. It hadn't meant anything and she was just another stranger while she was busy saving her own life that it didn't matter and that memory had remained hidden in her mind for years. She remembered that there's been something familiar about Jane when she met her for the first time but, for the love of God, she hadn't been able to recall why that would be.

"It was the night that... that I died," she whispered. "They brought me here from Washington. I was waiting at the security check," she explained. "I was terrified," she said and sobbed quietly. They walked for a bit and sat down on a bench in a corner without many people around. "I was so terrified that they'd notice and then they told me not to move," she said and although she hardly ever remembered any of her cases, there are always a few details that you never forget and the picture that Maura was describing suddenly started to make sense to her.

The tears started to stream down her face when she thought of that night.

"I heard someone screaming, people running and suddenly... there was you," Maura whispered. "Now I know it was you," she said and through her tears, a laugh escaped her lips.

"My God," Jane whispered. "You were standing there while I was trying to find our guy," she said. "I looked into you eyes."

"Yes," Maura whispered. "You did."

"I can't believe it," Jane whispered and kissed Maura softly. "What if I'd been there all those years ago?" she asked and leaned her forehead against Maura's.

"I was a mess," Maura said and laughed quietly.

"I could've saved you," Jane said and Maura thought that this was the most wonderful thing someone had ever said to her.

"You already have," Maura said and her hand caressed Jane's cheek softly. "You already have in so many ways that I don't know if I'll ever be able to thank you enough for it."

"I know," Jane said and bit her lip. She knew there were tears in her eyes, but she didn't care.

"Thank you for coming," Maura said.

"Always," Jane answered.

The flight back home was quiet but soothing at the same time. For now, there wasn't much to talk about and they simply enjoyed each other's presence in silence. Jane didn't want the flight to be over, she just wanted to stay here with Maura in her arms without having to worry about anything. Without anyone who wanted to know what was going on, or curious people who never stopped asking questions. Far away from danger where no one could ever be harmed again but she knew that reality was different but she allowed herself to dream a little more until it was time to leave the plane.

"Shall we go to your place?" Jane asked. "Chances are quite likely that my mum's going to show up at my doorstep by the time she finds out I'm back in town..."

Maura laughed. "You think she'll hesitate showing up at mine?"

"Not so sure about that."

"What did you tell her anyways?" Maura wanted to know.

"Just that I had to leave and I'd explain it to her when I'm back." Jane said. "Maybe."

"Jane!"

"I had no time for explanations," Jane justified herself. "She's gonna be so mad."

"She must've heard people talking..." Maura said. "What do you think she must be thinking?"

"You trying to make me feel guilty?" Jane asked and looked at Maura from the site.

"You don't have to let her know that we're back," Maura suggested. "I mean, how's she going to find out if you don't call her?"

"Fine, your place it is then."

A couple of minutes later, Maura walked through her front door and took a deep breath, suddenly flooded with happiness. There was no fear and everything was the way it was supposed to be and most of all she was happy to be back. She'd been gone for a few days only but it finally felt like home again.

"Hey!" she said when Jane suddenly lifted her up and smiled.

"We need to have a word," Jane said and looked up at Maura.

"Really?" Maura asked.

"A tattoo?" Jane asked and carried her out of the living room and Maura laughed.

"You curious?" Maura teased Jane.

"Where?"

"Find out," Maura whispered and let Jane carry her to the bedroom.


	21. Coming to Terms

**A/N: Sorry I think it's a little short but I didn't wanna let you wait any longer! Enjoy and have a nice Sunday x**

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><p><em>How many times in life do people wake up and remember that everything they had suddenly turned out to be nothing? She'd been through this once when she had decided what she wanted to do with the rest of her life and she never thought she'd have to do it all again. <em>

_With the time Kate had actually gotten used to her medical studies and life at campus. It felt good to be with people and still, she couldn't help but be as careful as possible. She talked to her colleagues, she worked with them as much as was necessary but it was never more then that. With the time, she'd find soothing peace in her books. So many new things that needed room, that occupied her mind that she had less and less time to worry but finally look forward. It took a while but at some point she felt like she was doing something useful, something that would eventually take her away from where she was now. _

_The books wouldn't ask questions or hurt her, she could only learn from them. That was when she started being on her own and everyone else thought that she might be socially awkward in some way which is why she preferred the company of her beloved books. It'd suited her only too well back then. She knew they were talking about her, not because they suspected something but because they considered her as a person who'd rather be left alone. Kate was grateful for that and it had been one of the reasons why she finally decided to become a Medical Examiner. _

_When it was time to choose what she wanted, she thought it all through and she always ended up thinking that this was the best and safest decision to make. She wouldn't be too far away from what she'd been doing but she wouldn't be too close either. As a ME she'd be able to work on cases and help solving them like she used to only this time she was on the other side. She'd still be in it, while she'd stay safely hidden in the lab for most of the time. The dead ones wouldn't ask questions and they wouldn't judge her either. They wouldn't look at her, stare into her eyes during an interrogation, hoping that it would break her. There was nothing to fear and in some way, she was one of them. She was indeed dead. To anyone else, the person she'd used to be was dead and she knew that a part of her had literally died with it but unless the dead bodies on her table, she still had a chance to speak. She had the chance of doing them some justice, even if it was just post-mortem. She could help them find the ones who destroyed not only the victims lives but also those who loved them. That was the least she could do and she decided that this was her best choice. _

_Despite that, they all thought she was weird in some way and there will always be people who don't understand why someone would choose to be surrounded by dead bodies all day. She heard some of the other students joking; saying that only those who failed would become pathologists because there wasn't much left to screw up since your patients were dead already. She knew it was nonsense but she knew better then correcting them. _

_In the beginning, the silence of the morgue sent a chill down her spine. The silent humming of the refrigerator always made her look twice, making sure there wasn't anyone else with her. At one point she even made sure that her patients were really all dead just because she feared it might be differently. She had reached a point where she laughed about this. She had learned to embrace the silence and focus on what was in front of her. There was no room for any other thoughts except those regarding the case and the body she was about to cut open. She heard her thoughts loudly, thinking it through thoroughly as if she was talking to herself. It helped memorizing each and every step, perfecting her neat routine. This was exactly what helped her becoming the person they would know one day. It completed the whole thing of turning into another person. She was so absorbed in her work that she sometimes felt like she didn't have any contact to living human-beings for days, all she dealt with was science and facts because there was no mistake about it. There was hardly a chance she'd have to lie about anything and get confused or make mistakes and after a long, long time she found herself insecure on how to behave when she was surrounded by people. She wasn't quite sure what kind of behavior seemed appropriate; she lost track of what was Kate and what was supposed to be Maura. She'd lost track of the day it happened so she retreated to what felt easier and more comforting back then which was the day she became Maura Isles and she'd hardly ever gone back then. _

_She'd reached a moment in her life when she felt that looking forward was a good thing. She'd spent far too many time with looking at what she once had and now it finally felt right to look straight ahead only. _

_A few years later, she was fully content with who she was with all her quirks, personal flaws and her all reliable scientific facts. She'd even made friends, had a job she enjoyed and she was finally happy although there was a spark inside of her that had never gone out completely. It was the wish to return home or to be a little closer after all; she knew she couldn't see any of her friends or talk to them but just being a bit closer seemed fine for her. She finally enjoyed life again and she kept holding on to that spark dearly and it would still take a little while until she finally found a place she called home without any doubts; until she finally found that one person she felt complete with. That one person she would love fearlessly without any doubt but that day would come. _

Jane woke up but kept her eyes closed; she knew it was still in the middle of the night. She took a deep breath, feeling the happiness filling every part of her body; it was something she hadn't felt in a very long time. She felt Maura's presence next to her, her even breathing while she was sleeping soundly; the warmth of her body beside her. She smelled the sweetness of the hot summer night; she smelled Maura and that scent filled her with so many emotions that she was simply overwhelmed. Jane opened her eyes and looked at Maura in the semi-darkness; she way laying on her stomach, her arm wrapped around a pillow. Jane looked at her for a few seconds, enjoying the silence of the night. She wanted to hold Maura in her arms, wanted to give in to the sensation of their naked bodies touching each other. She wanted to reach out and touch her, kiss her lips softly while she was sleeping but she didn't want to wake her.

Carefully, Jane sat down on the edge of the bed. A chill ran through her body when the early morning breeze hit her naked body. She wrapped a sheet around her body that was still damp from their love-making and walked to the adjoining bathroom. She didn't know what she was doing, she just needed a moment to herself without waking the woman she loved.

She sat down on the edge of the bathtub and looked at her reflection in the mirror at the other side of the room. Jane took another deep breath and bit her lip before the smile spread across her lips. She laid her head in her neck and laughed quietly to herself. In the past few weeks, she'd done everything she thought she never would and she never felt better. She smiled at the thought of the tiny cherry blossom on Maura's right hip bone. There were indeed many things she didn't know about her and it made her wonder why she chose the cherry blossom but she didn't quite have the time to ask questions earlier. Suddenly, her past and all her secrets simply made her want more. She was dying to find out who she was and what else she'd been hiding all those years. It made her attraction grow with anticipation and curiosity.

She remembered the words Maura had once said though she hadn't paid much attention back then, but it suddenly mattered a lot to her. Affection was affection and love was love and it doesn't matter who you're affected to or who you fall on love with. They had never talked about it at some point but Maura had always said that it doesn't matter who you fall in love with because in the end it's just the same. It's not the gender you fall in love with but the person. With remembering her words, she thought that she couldn't love her more; there was so much truth in her words.

Maura was still asleep when Jane returned to the bedroom and walked to the window. The street in front of the house was quiet, even the city was still asleep. Jane stared out of the window, lost in thoughts. One by one, the incidents of the last few weeks were sinking in, finally making sense or striking home. She thought of their first kiss at the beach when everything was still so far away and all Jane knew is that something was going terribly wrong. It left her feeling confused back then. The feeling of disappointment she felt when she found out that Maura didn't trust her enough to tell her the truth slowly vanished while she began to understand why it had been so important after all.

She turned her head, looking at Maura when the feeling that hurt the most spread inside of her like a furious fire that you couldn't stop no matter how hard you tried. She didn't want to think about it, didn't want to torture herself with it but the feelings just seeped into her body, the images burning into her mind. It was the feeling of helplessness and loss and suddenly she was back in that street in the middle of the night while all she could do was watch while Maura had almost been shot. She'd been watching the whole scene, trying to make sense of what was going on. She never really had time to think about it and it was now that she realized how much pain that memory caused her and that she wouldn't be able to handle it if anything happened to Maura now. She couldn't let her go again now that she finally found the one person she'd always been looking for.

Jane knew that her life would've never been the same again if Maura had died that night. She didn't want to imagine a life without her, even as her best friend, and a life without knowing why it all happened and who was to be held responsible for this. She would've spent her whole life looking for the truth until it probably would've killed her in the end as well.

_What if I'm making a mistake? _She asked herself before she could stop the thoughts. Although it all felt so real and right, there was this voice inside her head that kept asking that question. _What if it's not going to work out? _She couldn't bare to think of what might happen, considering that this wouldn't work out for some reason.

She walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge of it again, silent tears running down her cheeks. Jane reached out and gently tuck a few hairs behind Maura's ear. She opened her eyes and looked at Jane until she noticed that she was crying.

"Jane" she whispered and sat upright, moving closer to her.

"I didn't want to wake you," Jane said quietly and leaned forward, her forehead resting against Maura's.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"I will be," Jane whispered. "It'll be alright."

Maura wrapped her arms around Jane and held her tight. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath; now that things finally calmed down she realized that she wasn't the only one who'd suffered through all of it. She was tired but for the first time in a while it actually felt good. Being here with Jane made her feel better. It finally made her feel free and the feeling of having someone she could trust no matter what brought her close to tears. This was what she'd been looking for all those years. The feeling of being loved and being able to give love without any fear; to lean back in someone's arms and feel that this is the only place where you belong. At some point she'd already given up on it; there were moments when she'd been so desperate that she thought she'd never be able to find anyone who'd make her feel this way.

Maura cupped her face with her hands and looked into her eyes.

"We're gonna be okay," she said softly and kissed Jane's tears away.

"C'mere," Jane said quietly when she laid down and Maura snuggled up to her. She took Jane's hands and watched them quietly for a while.

"It's not going to be easy..." Maura said.

"It never is."

"What do you they'll say?" Maura asked.

"Don't you think they know already?" Jane asked in reply to that and Maura knew that there was the tiniest smile on her face just from the sound of her voice.

"Suspecting and actually knowing is not the same."

"They won't care about it so much," Jane said. She knew exactly how things worked at the precinct and she couldn't expect every one to accept it just like that, that would be way too easy. There was a time in which she'd cared an awesome load about what others think or say about her but now all she could think of was that she'd been through a lot of worse things and for now it could only get better.

"What are you gonna tell your mum?" Maura asked quietly after a while.

"What about the truth?" Jane suggested. "Well... if someone knows already, I'm sure it's her!"

Maura laughed and said: "Speaking about the truth... I guess I'll have to answer a few questions as well!"

"You don't have to lie any more," Jane said and turned on her side to look at Maura. "You don't have to be afraid any longer and I'm sure the boys will love your story," Jane said and laughed.

"Mhm, yeah maybe Frost will stop making fun of me if he knows that I do now how to handle a gun," Maura said and Jane smiled.

"Seriously," Jane said. "What you did was very brave." 

"And now I know it was all worth it," she said and pulled Jane a little closer and kissed her.

"We should go back to sleep," Maura said between a few kisses.

"Really?" Jane said and wrapped her arms around Maura. "You wanna sleep?" she said and kissed her again and they were far from getting any sleep.


	22. Lost and Found

**A/N: I know you've heard me saying this a lot of times before but you can't believe how guilty I feel for not updating so long! I'm really sorry! I've just been stuck somehow but now I'm pretty because I've got a few great ideas and... to say it with Jane's words:"I'm baaaaaaaack." Enjoy x**

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><p><em>It was a rainy and cold winter's night when she sat at the table to study for an upcoming exam when she suddenly looked up from the book she was reading with tired eyes and felt that it was time for a change. She'd almost completed her studies in Pathology by now and graduation was just round the corner next summer. She was happy with what she'd achieved and with the decisions she had made in the last years. By now Maura had also gotten used to the corpses and the silence of her work place. She seemed to be doing a great job since she'd already been offered a teaching position at the university. She knew she'd have to be careful but the more she thought about it, the more she liked the thought of teaching some students about what she knew. It certainly wouldn't be easy and she was fairly nervous but she'd grown pretty acquainted with her books over the years that she felt perfectly content in relying on what she had. If there was one thing she'd learned, it was that you couldn't argue with Science. Facts are facts and there was no lying and no mistake about it. <em>

_Maura sighed and got up from her chair; she needed a break and walked into the kitchen to put the kettle on. As she listened to the sound of it, she thought that it might be a good idea to put the heating on in the bathroom because there was nothing she hated more then walking into a cold bathroom at night. She climbed the stairs and paused for a moment. There was so much that had changed in this room since she'd moved in. So many things that had changed with her; it had grown up with her. Though she greatly appreciated everything she'd done by now, there was still something missing. She met a couple of nice people over the years and she had a friendly relationship with all the neighbors living just down the road and she even had a few dates but nothing ever lead anywhere. It wasn't easy after all she'd been through and it was as if she'd forgotten how the whole thing worked. She wasn't really keen on trusting every stranger who asked her out on a date and if she ever agreed she felt somewhat awkward. What she was still missing was the feeling of being home; sure, she felt safe and comfortable where she was but there was something missing. Something she'd yet to find. _

_She walked into the bathroom and shuddered at the cold in the room; just like she'd expected it. Before she left the room again, she caught a glance of herself in the mirror and hesitated for an instant. Suddenly, she had an idea. Something she'd never considered before but now it appeared to be the right thing to do. She stepped closer and looked at her reflection. She'd changed so many things but she'd lie admitting that it didn't make her think twice every now and then when she looked at herself and still saw the woman she used to be. There were these rare moments when she wasn't entirely busy with studying when she remembered that there were people out there who considered her dead; quiet nights when she fought so hard to resist the urge to call one of them just to hear their voices. It was now that she knew that she needed a change and a smile crossed her lips when she told herself to take care of it the next day. _

_The next morning, Maura went to the hairdresser's to keep the promise she'd made to herself the night before. She didn't talk much the whole time and simply told the guy that it was what she needed right now when he was asking for the reason. She leaned back in her chair and waited, keeping her eyes closed. _

_Don't you wanna see it? He asked but she didn't. _

_Surprise me, she told him and a smile crossed her lips. It felt just right and she was sure that this was the very last step she needed to move on. She felt something change inside her; when she finally opened her eyes and looked at her reflection she knew that she was Maura Isles. She loved the blonde hair from the moment she saw it; she smiled at her reflection and felt truly happy deep inside. _

The first thing Maura Isles registered when opening her eyes in the morning was Jane who was watching her quietly with a smile on her lips.

"Morning," Maura said quietly and closed her eyes for a second to take in the moment. Yes, Jane was with her and it wasn't just a memory or a dream and she was finally home.

"What?" Maura asked when she re-opened her eyes and saw the look on Jane's face. She knew exactly what that meant.

"Cherry Blossom?" she asked and Maura laughed.

"Have you been waiting all morning to ask me that?" Maura said amused and Jane shrugged.

"Maybe," Jane said. "Tell me."

"I had that done when I knew I had to leave D.C sooner or later," Maura started to explain. "I told Abby because I knew she'd love it though I didn't tell her the real reason," she said and turned a little to look at Jane who leaned her head on her hand and watched her, laying on her side.

"It made me sad, knowing that I couldn't go back," Maura said and bit her lip for a second. "I needed something that reminded me of where I came from, of the things that I loved without giving too much away so it couldn't be too obvious," she said and Jane nodded while she listened. "I always loved the cherry blossoms in Washington, especially when the trees were in full bloom. It was beautiful and peaceful and it always distracted me from everything else that was going on with my job. I loved that smell and for me, there was nothing more beautiful then walking through that part and enjoy the silence," she took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a few seconds as if she was suddenly back there on a beautiful sunny day. "I kept it a secret from almost everyone I met because it was mine and something I wouldn't want to lie about. That why I kept it hidden," she said and her voice was almost a whisper when she smiled at Jane.

"That's beautiful," Jane said and meant it. After a couple of silence Jane asked: "Did you every regret it?"

Maura wasn't quite sure if Jane was talking about the tattoo everything else she'd changed in her life but she knew she had the perfect answer to both.

"No," she said and shook her head. "I never did. At the beginning, I did have a hard time but with the years passing by and all those wonderful people I've met, I didn't have one second of doubt," she said and looked Jane in the eyes; she understood.

Jane knew that she'd asked that question before, at some point when the truth had just re-surfaced and Maura had told her that what she did was right, but she also knew that these were words spoken in a minute of life changing and emotionally challenging events.

"You think you're ready to go back to work?" Jane asked.

"Do we have a choice?" Maura wanted to know.

"If anyone's being stupid, just let me know," Jane told her and Maura smiled.

"You just can't help it, right?"

"I don't know if I'll ever get used to it," Jane admitted, knowing that Maura was perfectly capable of taking care of herself. More then she'd ever imagined.

"Thank you," Maura said and got out of bed to get ready for work.

They were just right on time for work and Maura pulled up in front of the BPD when Jane stared out of the window and thought about last night. It was all new to her but then again it didn't feel that way, somehow she just knew exactly what would be the right thing to do. And maybe it seemed so easy because she knew Maura so well. She bit her lip and tried to oppress a smile.

"What?" Maura asked and smiled at Jane.

"Nothing," Jane said and tried not to look at Maura.

"I know exactly what you're thinking," Maura told her and finally found a parking space.

"Then don't ask," Jane suggested and after a couple of seconds, she added: "What are you? A Mentalist?"

"Try high-class profiler," Maura answered with a smug on her face that made Jane laughed. Maura stopped the car and looked around to make sure no one was around before she leaned over to kiss Jane one last time before it was time to face a long day at work.

"Here we go," Jane said quietly when they both entered the building together. Her mother was working in the cafe. "Just walk a little faster, maybe she won't notice!"

"Jane," Maura simply said and sighed. "You know you can't run away from her forever."

"Yeah but just for today," Jane said and made sure Angela wasn't watching while they were waiting for the elevator.

Jane was nervously jumping from one foot to another, waiting for the elevator to arrive at her floor.

"What the hell," she muttered to herself and looked at Maura.

"I talk to you later," Maura said and stepped into the elevator that would take her to the morgue and the briefest smile crossed her lips until she heard someone calling her name. "Talk to her," Maura added before the doors slid shut.

"Jane Rizzoli!" She heard her mother calling her name and Jane rolled her eyes, she knew she couldn't run away now so she rolled her eyes before she turned around to face her mother who was probably standing right behind her by now.

"Hi mum," Jane said with a fake smile on her face and took a deep breath.

"Where the hell have you been?" she asked and wasn't quite pleased with the fact that her daughter had disappeared like that a few days ago.

"I just took some days off, I don't see where the problem is,"Jane said and pushed the upstairs button for the elevator again, hoping to cut this short.

"You never take a few days off until someone forces you to do so," Angela said.

"Maybe I had a change of heart," Jane suggested. "Okay, I gotta go now, talk to you later," Jane tried but it wasn't working for now.

"Do you think that's funny?" she asked her daughter. "After all we've been through?"

"Mum!" Jane said through gritted teeth. "Calm down, it's none of their business," she said and pointed toward the security guys waiting by the entrance. "I'm a grown up woman and I can do whatever I like," Jane said. "I've been to Washington because Maura needed me and everything is fine so calm down," she said and hoped that this would do for now. There was no need to share every detail of their trip.

"Is she okay?" Angela asked and Jane didn't miss the fact that her voice had changed into a more quiet and even worried tone.

_Why not ask me like that? _Jane asked herself.

"Yes."

"I heard some things... you know, the cops talk a lot when they get there coffee," she said and Jane hesitated for a moment. There were certainly lots of rumors going on but it'd be good to know how much of the actual story was going around and how much her mother seemed to know.

"What kind of things?" Jane asked matter-of-factly.

"Just that..." Angela started and she seemed to be looking for the right way to say it. "Maura had almost been shot," she said and looked at her daughter who nodded quietly while listening.

"Is that true?"

"Sort of," Jane said. "Listen mum, I gotta go to work now. I'll take to you later, I'll drop by and get a cup of coffee and you have to tell me what you heard, okay?"

"Okay," Angela said and suddenly appeared way to happy about that.

"But hey," Jane said when she finally stepped into the elevator. "Do not start asking questions," she said and warned her mother. "Not to anyone, is that clear?"

"Alright," she said and turned around to get back to the cafe. Jane sighed when the doors closed and she leaned against the wall and closed her eyes, preparing for the flood of information she'd have to cope with today.

"Look who's back," she heard Frost saying as soon as she walked into the bullpen. He leaned back ins his chair. "You had a nice holiday?" he asked with a grin on his face.

"You got nothing to do?" she asked him and knew exactly what kind of information he wanted but she wouldn't give it to him, certainly not with every one else watching and listening for that matter. Sh couldn't help but which she hoped would be perfectly hidden behind her computer screen and with all the files pilling up on her desk, it faded just as quickly as it had appeared.

"Maura's fine if that's what you're asking for," she said without looking up though he wouldn't give up for now. "I'm glad to hear that..." he said and after a few seconds, he added: "Did you tell her to change her password?" It was his last chance of getting anything out of her for now and Jane raised her head to look at him with a questioning look on her face until she remembered that he'd already mentioned something about it when he hacked into Maura's computer for her to get the date and the address of the conference she was attending. It was then that she remembered that she still didn't know what the password was because Maura had refused to tell her. She made a mental note to ask again tonight and disliked the look on Frost's face.

"Maybe I should ask her," he suggested and was certainly enjoying this. "Since I seem to know more the you do..."

_If only you knew, _Jane thought.

"I wanted to ask her a few more things anyways..."

"Like what?" Jane wanted to know and pushed the files aside to make some space on her desk.

"What's true and what's not. I mean, I've talked to her once before she left, seemed kinda interesting."

"Maybe, some things are simply none of your business?" Jane asked no quite seriously since she knew Maura would keep quiet and she also knew Frost well enough to have enough manners to keep him from asking certain questions.

"Fair enough," he said and sat upright to gather some papers from his desk.

"Since I was only gone for a few days, I don't expect things to have gotten pretty bad around here," Jane said. "So... what _is_ this?" she asked and pointed at all the files on her desk.

"Nothing new," Frost told her. "It's your paperwork... that was due a while ago. Cavanaugh left it there as a welcome back present," Frost said and enjoyed his partner's dismay.

"How lovely," she said dryly. "So, anything important I should know?"

Much to her pleasure, he shook her head.

"Nothing major happening on the streets of Boston recently," Frost told her. "It almost felt like it was way too quiet," he said and she knew what he was talking about.

_The quiet before the storm, _she thought and waited for him to go on.

"Just the usual things," he said. "But nothing concerning homicide. There was a fire in a warehouse downtown two nights ago," he said after a few seconds of silence.

"Any victims?"

"Nope, warehouse was empty when it happened around 3am in the morning."

"Did they found out what happened?" she asked while she was going through some of the files, remembering the cases and names that were associated to it.

"Working on it," he said and Jane nodded.

"Where's Korsak?" she asked and looked up from her desk; his was unoccupied.

"I don't know," he said and shrugged. "Didn't tell me and I didn't ask... not his babysitter."

"Oh look who's back," she heard her baby brother saying when he entered the bullpen.

"Oh, not you too," she said when he sat down in the chair by her desk.

"I take it you walked into mum earlier?" Frankie asked.

"Just because the damn elevator took so long..."

"What have you been up to?" he wanted to know.

"Had some nice with the doc..." Frost threw in and it sounded like he'd been waiting for an opportunity to mention it ever since.

"Shut it!" Jane told him and turned her attention back to her brother.

"Just needed a few days off, where is your problem with that?"

"Nothing... Just asking," he said and casted a quick glance at Frost who was listening from where he sat.

"Really?" she asked and looked at both of them, knowing that something was going on. "Since when have you two decided to become best friends?"

"We're not," Frankie said.

"No," Frost added but neither one of them wanted to give up any information on what was going on between them.

"I'm not even sure I want to know..." she said more to herself.

"I'm just glad to have you back, Janie," Frankie said.

"I've been gone for a few days, not months."

"See?" Frankie said and turned around to face Frost. "That's what I get for being nice," he said and Jane slapped his arm.

The morning was dragging by and Jane had no choice but to start working on her paperwork which as boring but it had to be done sooner or later. She was looking for an excuse to meet Maura and see what she's been up to all morning.

Jane was tired and felt bored after closing the third file; by now Korsak had dropped in as well and she'd once again explained why she had taken a few days off without actually telling him the real reason, justifying what everyone considered so surprising. For a second, she envied Maura and her work down there since her patients wouldn't annoy her with stupid questions for hours. She got up from her desk to get the third cup of coffee when she thought that this was actually the last thing she wanted because she'd certainly had had better coffee. She could go down to the cafe which would mean that her wanna-be detective mother would bother her with her questions – and after their talk this morning – probably fill her in on all the information she'd gathered from her customers. She chose her second option and walked over to the elevator to see Maura.

Maura was nowhere in sight when Jane walked through he glass doors; none of the tables were occupied and either Maura was lucky and there was no corpse awaiting her attention or her substitute had just put them in the fridge to await her return. The first thing she noticed was the silence that suddenly seemed very welcoming though she dreaded it most of the time. She found more in her office, doing paperwork as well.

"Hey there," she said when she entered Maura's office and she looked up from the paper she was reading. Jane walked over and sat down on the edge of the desk. For a second she looked at Maura and hesitated but then she leaned forward and kissed her because she remembered that she could.

"Everything okay up there?" Maura asked. "You look a little stressed."

"Cavanaugh left me a welcome back present," she said. "Got some paperwork to finish," she said and Maura laughed.

"Did you talk to your mum?" Maura asked with a hint of amusement in her voice.

"She has questions..." Jane said and Maura raised an eyebrow at her. "And she wanted to know if you're okay."

"That's sweet," Maura said and leaned her head on her hand, watching Jane.

"I told her I'd drop by later... and now I can't get a coffee unless I want her to keep questioning me."

Maura laughed and got up from her chair to put the file that she was just reading in the right box.

"What about you?" Jane asked and wrapped her arms around Maura before she had a chance to sit down again. "Looks like you're pretty busy yourself," Jane said and pointed in the direction of the empty tables.

"I can't complain," Maura said quietly when Jane pulled her a little closer. She wrapped her arms around Jane's neck and felt herself getting distracted from what she was about to do.

"You liked it?" Maura whispered, their lips almost touching.

"I wouldn't be here if I didn't..." Jane said and felt Maura's breath hot on her lips; she smiled.

Maura leaned in and kissed Jane softly, letting herself fall into her lover's arms. Actually, she was grateful for the distraction. Her thoughts had been drifting back to Jane all morning; she felt Jane's hand on her hips, gently caressing her and she felt a shiver running through her body. She allowed her to keep going for a few more seconds until she pulled away for some air.

"Don't even think about it," Maura told her quietly with a smile on her face. Again, she knew exactly what the detective was thinking and she'd lie saying that she wouldn't mind but this was just wrong.

"Not here," Maura said and pulled Jane into another kiss, leaving her asking for more. "I think we should get some coffee," Maura said and took of her lab coat and grabbed her purse.

"Alright," Jane said and looked down at her hands, quietly smiling to herself before she followed Maura out of the office.


	23. The Right Thing

**A/N: Take the quick update it as an apology for the long wait :) x**

* * *

><p><em>She stared at the letter in her hand while she sat in her office. After all this time she'd finally changed this small, unoccupied room into an office only a couple of months ago and now that she was reading the words, written in black ink, she felt a wave of sadness overcoming her. Maura put the letter down and laid her face in hers hands, taking a deep breath. She'd grown accustomed to this place with all her heart and all the time she'd wanted to leave and now that she had a chance to do so, she didn't know if that was what she really wanted any longer. <em>

_During the last few years, she'd always wanted to get closer to home; ignoring that it might even be a little dangerous but after all this time, she just wasn't sure after all. The position they offered her would finally give her what she wanted. A job that reminded her of what she had had, something that allowed her to fight crime the way she used to, only a little differently. _

_Maura leaned back in her chair and re-considered her options._

_Chief Medical Examiner, she thought and a smile crossed her lips. She liked the sound of it and it read well; very promising. It provided everything she could ask for; she was in charge and could do her work the way she wanted to. She'd have a major part in solving crimes and delivering the necessary evidence and maybe that change was exactly what she needed. After thinking it through for the fifth time since she got the letter, she pondered on the opportunities and the dangers of taking the job. She had worked so hard to get where she was now, she had created a new home for herself but with looking around she couldn't help but ask if this was really her home after all. Little had been changed and arranged by herself and she felt that she needed something that belonged to herself entirely. How many nights did she lay awake and thought of going home or somewhere in close vicinity? How would it feel to return after all these years? She imagined how things might've changed or it'd still feel the same to walk the familiar streets or parks, but along with the beautiful memories of her former life came the doubts and risks._

_Being homesick for so long had been very hard and she'd finally overcome that but what if she went back, realizing that she was this close but couldn't actually go home or couldn't stay after all? She didn't know if she'd be able to deal with this again and the sadness that came along with it; the pain of leaving at all behind once again. Maura knew that it would be a torture to be just a few hours away and still she had no chance of seeing her old friends, or visiting her favorite places in Washington because the chance of being recognized was too high. She couldn't call because everyone she had known still assumed her dead._

_Boston Police Department, she read the words over and over, knowing the letter by heart now; her answer was expected by the end of the week. Maura sighed and leaned back in the chair. She liked sunny California and her work at the university; she loved the beach which certainly wouldn't be the same at the East coast, let alone the gorgeous weather but she knew that this was something had grown up with and it'd be the last on her list of worries. She recalled being in Boston for a case with the NCIS, it happened little after she'd joined Gibbs Major Case Response Team. They'd been so busy with picking up the pieces and solve the case that she'd hardly seen any of the city, certainly not the way she'd had if she'd been on her own for some nice time. What she remembered though, was something she would be okay with. _

_What if? She thought during every spare second as the end of the week approached relentlessly with a scary pace. The days passed and Maura had a feeling that she never thought about it properly, that she never really took the time to weigh her options when she picked up the phone on Friday afternoon. She checked the time to make sure she wasn't late and waited for someone to pick up the phone. She still held the letter in her hand and tried to remember all the details that she'd been told when the first call came in. She didn't take it pretty seriously back then but when the official letter had arrived, she'd realized how serious they were about it. Maura sat down on the sofa and ignored all her scepsis accepted the job in Boston. _

_That simple question What if? Had been a part of her way for far too long and she would never know if she didn't go and find that out by herself. She couldn't let the thought define her again and maybe this was her chance. _

_She remained seated in the living room long after the call was finished. Slowly, she felt the fear crawl out of its hiding place but it was out of question to take it back now. _

_3 weeks, she thought quietly and rose from the cushions. She wasn't sure why she had agreed on this but for some reason she did; it made her nervous though she was eerily calm about it at the same time. Maura was lost in thoughts and unaware of her absentmindedly actions before she realized that she started packing. She took the books from the shelf in the living room, one by one and noticed that some of them appeared awfully unfamiliar. _

_Did I really buy this? She couldn't even remember reading it. It was just one of many books to come that seemed somewhat strange to her so she decided to give everything she didn't know to charity and simply take everything that really belong to her, every tiny piece that she had bought with her own many because she'd wanted to; because it meant something to her. _

_3 weeks, she heard herself whispering quietly. How am I gonna make it in 21 days? Suddenly the thought was overwhelming. What have I gotten myself into? She was unsure if leaving was the right thing to do and she was scared. It scared her because a part of her wanted to stay where she was; because she thought that she wasn't strong enough to start over again. Maura wasn't sure how to make it in Boston, let alone imagine what might expect her. What if the colleagues dislike her? It'd been so much work to get respected in a job that was dominated by men, she'd been through this once. _

_Rely on the facts, she told herself as the shelf got emptier with every disappearing book. It's what she'd been doing ever since she'd started med school and it had never failed her. You can do it, she told herself and took a deep breath. _

_This is crazy, she whispered when she went to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee. I don't even have a place to stay, how am I supposed to find a place to life on such short notice? It was then that she heard a voice inside her head, laughing at her. You've got the money for it, you can buy any damn house you want! She laughed out loud and shook her head, in the past she had simply ignored her grandma's money, she had refused to use it but did she have a chance now? It certainly wouldn't do her any harm and maybe this was her last and only chance. She let her eyes wander and saw her neighbors walking down the street, waving with a smile on their faces as they walked by and she knew that she would miss them. Everyone had been so nice to her when she first move her but she as sure that the feeling, just like many other things, would just pass and make space for new memories, new friends and chances._

_Friends, she thought. Sure she knew many people at university and she was on first – name basis with every neighbor on the street, but she still felt that something in her life was missing; someone who would make her feel complete. Who made her feel that, finally, everything was alright. She needed a person she could be honest with and rely on with everything she had. Someone she could trust blindly without any worry or fear. Maybe that was what she'd find in Boston, she didn't know but she would find out. While Maura spent her last days in San Francisco with packing and arranging the move, saying goodbye to everyone who was worth it and making some last minute arrangements, she didn't know that her life would change forever very soon. _

_Maura was scared, but most of all she was nervous about the things yet to come and once she was airborne, it was evident that there was no going back. She tried to picture her work place or the people she would be confronted with, tried to imagine how her neighborhood would be like and with all her considerations she never even thought about finding the one person she'd been looking for. _

_Little did she know, that, in a couple of years, she'd be happily in love; having coffee with the one woman who made her feel that way._

"Don't you even complain," Maura said when they sat down at a vacant table by the window. "I saved you from being questioned by your mother."

"That's true," Jane said and sipped her coffee with a smile. Maura looked at her in silence and their eyes locked, she was immediately soothed by the warmth she found in the reflection.

"You know, you can't outrun her forever, do you?" Maura said softly and put her free hand on the table, waiting for Jane to take it.

"I know," Jane said and put her coffee down, taking Maura's hand in hers. She looked at their entwined hands for a few seconds and said: "It's just... I don't know what to say. She's just so..."

"She just cares about you, Jane," Maura said. "It won't last too long," Maura said and Jane was alert when she noticed the definite and more serious sound of her voice, there even be a trace of sadness.

"What do you mean?" Jane asked and she had a slight feeling of were this would lead them. It was something she always refused to think about because the pain it made her feel was something she couldn't handle, not even by the mere thought of it.

"She won't be around forever," Maura said and the quietness and empathy in her voice almost brought tears to Jane's eyes.

"Please, don't even go there."

"You know it, Jane," she said and softly tightened her hand around Jane's. "And I know how it feels like," she said even a little sad. "I do know how loss feels like. I've been there Jane and you know that. She just loves you so much and she cares about you a lot and I would've given everything to have someone care about me like your mother does when..." she said and swallowed the sudden sadness, looking for the right words to put it. "when all of this happened."

"I was lonely Jane and all the time I wished that someone had been looking after me. God, I wanted someone to care but there was no one left," she said and Jane nodded quietly. It made her feel sad to hear Maura talking about her past and all those painful moments that she could only imagine but she was glad that Maura shared all this with her and she'd always be there to listen whenever she needed it. Jane knew that Maura was right, actually she loved the fact that her mother was so caring when it came to her children and it didn't matter to her that they were all grown up by now.

Somehow, she was grateful for it and it was even sweet although it annoyed her every now and then but that was just the way Angela was and maybe it was time to accept it; she just couldn't say it.

"I'm sorry," Jane said cleared her throat.

"Just listen to her, Jane," Maura said softly.

"I will," she said and really meant it.

They sipped their coffee in silence before Jane broke it after a few minutes.

"Speaking of outrunning..." Jane said and Maura looked at her with, not yet sure what Jane wanted to tell her.

"You can't avoid the bullpen forever," Jane said and smiled.

"I haven't..."

"Yes, doctor," Jane said and Maura laughed. "You can't expect me to come down to the morgue to get our reports just because you want to avoid the guys questioning you," Jane said and pointed a finger at her while she said it.

"Well," Maura said and put her coffee down. "Considering your visit earlier, I don't think you would mind that," she said sweetly.

Jane opened her mouth and tried not to laugh, blushing a little.

"Really?" she said and Maura just laughed at her. "Someone's getting a little sassy..." Jane whispered to herself but loud enough for Maura to hear.

"Hey!" Maura said and leaned back in her chair, looking at Jane from a little distance. She leaned her head on her left hand and looked at Maura. "I think you would've like Kate," she suddenly said and Jane was a little taken aback by the statement.

"Okay..." Jane said. "That makes you sound schizophrenic."

"You may be right..." Maura said and considered that thought. "It's a little weird isn't it?"

"Is it difficult to talk about that?" Jane wanted to know.

"To be honest, I never really thought about it..." Maura said. "I never had anyone who I trusted enough to talk about... all of this."

"Thank you," Jane said quietly and they got up when they finished their coffee.

"Are you working on a case?" Maura wanted to know when they walked across the street toward the entrance.

"Not so far but you know, that might change any minute," she said. "What have you got?"

"I think my substitute left me some work," Maura told her. "I'm still going through the paperwork."

They climbed the stairs in front of the entrance and Jane smiled.

"I bet Kate was sassy," she said before Maura had a chance to ask her question which earned her a pat on the arm.

"You have no idea, Jane Rizzoli," she said and smirked which immediately caught her friends interest by the time they stopped in front of the elevators. "You wanna find out?" Maura asked seductively and only for Jane to hear.

Jane bit her lip and it took her a few seconds to realize what Maura was talking about and she just smiled, there was no need for an answer.

"No, no, no," Jane said when she noticed that Maura was heading for the other elevator. "Where are you going?"

"To the morgue," Maura said even though it wasn't the most obvious thing.

"Forget about it, you coming with me," Jane said and took her by the wrist when the elevator doors slid open.

"Admit it, you just wanna kiss me," Maura said without looking at Jane.

"This is going to be a long day," Jane whispered and sighed when the doors closed.

"Hello Maura," Frankie said with a smile when they entered the bullpen and Jane was surprised to find Frost and her baby brother sitting there the same way they had when she left earlier. "Nice to have you back," he said and got up from his chair.

"Thank you, Frankie," Maura said.

"But now, you have to tell us everything," Frost said and got up from his chair and leaned against the desk that was closest to Jane's where the party was taking place.

"I will," Maura said with a smile. _Maybe not everything,_ she thought but she owed them at least a little bit of the truth. "But maybe tonight at the Dirty Robber," Maura offered.

_Didn't we have other plans? _Jane thought without saying anything.

"Sounds like a plan," Frost said and walked back to his desk.

"I'll be in the morgue if you need anything," she said and turned around.

"Running..." Jane whispered when Maura was about to leave but she just put a hand on the detective's shoulder before she left.

On the downstairs, Maura leaned against the wall of the elevator and closed her eyes. She felt that something was changing, deep inside she felt herself change. With the truth finally revealed, she felt lighter and maybe she was finally ready to be who she truly was. There was no hiding and lying needed; then there was Jane. Being with Jane made it feel all right and maybe that was the one thing that helped her being free after all. It was certainly something she had to get used to but it felt just right and she had a feeling that Jane wouldn't mind.

_What about everyone else?_ She thought. What will they think about her sudden change? She held on to that thought and dropped it when she exited the elevator. Maybe it was about time.

It was about five minutes after Maura left when her phone rang and she had to remind herself that she was back at work.

"Rizzoli," she said. "Alright... okay, we'll be there."

"What've we got?" Frost asked and was out of his chair by the time he finished asking that question.

"Found a dead woman by the docks," she told Frost on their way out.

"So much for doing paperwork," Maura said when she joined the two detectives on their way out.

It was getting dark by the time Jane finally left the crime scene with Frost. Since the woman they found could be identified by the workers on the dock they were left with far too many people to question for the beginning. She looked around, Maura had already left to take care of the woman in the morgue and since she'd be stuck there for a while Jane figured that there would be no meeting at the Dirty Robber tonight so she decided to pay her mother a visit after all.

She dropped Frost off at the BPD and drove out to Revere, much to her mother's surprise when she saw her daughter's car pulling up expectantly in the drive way.

She remained seated in the car for a few seconds of silence to prepare herself mentally and leaned back. Maura was right and Jane had actually thought about what she'd said before, it just made her so sad all the time. She took her phone from the passenger's seat and texted Maura that she was at her mother's and would meet her later.

When Jane got out of the car, Angela was already waiting by the door and Jane smiled when she saw the surprised look on her mother's face which tried very hard to hide.

"Hey Ma," Jane said when she walked onto the porch.

"Hello Jane," she said and hugged her. "Is everything okay?" Angela asked because it didn't happen to often that Jane just dropped by unless there's a family gathering or Sunday lunch with the rest of the Rizzolis.

"Yes," Jane said quietly and followed her mother into the kitchen. "Can't I just drop by without any reason?" she asked and sat down on one of the chairs just like she did when she was a little girl and watched her mother cooking.

Angela turned around and thought about that for a moment.

"Yes," she said and was happy about it. "Of course you can."

Jane smiled at her mother until Angela looked at her for a few seconds and said:

"What is going on with you, girl?"

Jane felt somewhat caught and it almost made her laugh, there was no way of hiding anything from Angela Rizzoli. Suddenly, Jane realized how much she missed being in that house or simply sitting in this kitchen and she remembered that things were so different when there was no one but her mother and Jane herself around.

"Nothing," Jane said and leaned her face on her hands.

"You know," Angela said and got two glasses out of the cabinet behind her. "For a detective, you're a pretty bad liar."

"Oh how charming," Jane said and didn't move an inch. "That's all your fault," Jane said and only crouched aside when Angela threw the kitchen towel at her.

"Why have you been to Washington?" she wanted to know and suddenly the way of asking had changed. She just sounded like she was interested in what her daughter did, it nothing compared to the way she had asked at the BPD earlier when she was angry at her daughter.

"Because Maura needed me," Jane explained quietly. "It is true what you heard," Jane said and decided to tell her only half of the story. There was no need for her to know about Maura's past unless Maura thought it was okay. "There was a crime scene and it was really weird. She'd nearly been shot, mum," Jane said and looked at her hands quietly before going on.

"God, I'm so sorry," Angela said sympathetically.

"I guess, we just needed a little time away from all of it. She was going to a conference and somehow... I thought it was stupid to let her go alone so I went there," she said and her mother smiled at her.

"That's very sweet of you and I bet she was very happy about it," Angela said and walked to her daughter to kiss her softly on the forehead. "Now tell me," Angela said when she started to chop up some carrots. "When have I seen this look on you the last time..." she said more to herself without looking up from the vegetables.

"Mum, please..." Jane begged her only half-heartedly because she couldn't keep the laughter out her voice entirely, she knew what she was getting at but maybe it was time for the truth after all.

"Oh be a girl, Jane," Angela told her. "It's not like... I haven't... suspected it," her mother said carefully and Jane sighed, knowing that there was no way out of it any longer.

It was late by the time she pulled up in front Maura's house which made her feel a little guilty but it'd been important. Talking to her mother had been surprisingly easy and it felt good and she kept in mind to thank Maura for reminding her of what would be the right thing to do. She didn't know if something would be different between herself and her mother now or if they'd just go back to how it used to be but it felt good for now and either way was fine for Jane. She took a deep breath and tried to relax, focusing on the woman who was waiting for her.

"I'm sorry I let you wait," Jane said when Maura opened the door.

"Don't worry," Maura said and closed the door behind Jane. "I just came home about half an hour ago."

Jane sat down on the sofa and waited for Maura who laid her hands on Jane's shoulders.

"Did you talk to your mum?" she asked and Jane nodded.

"Thank you," Jane said and laid her head in neck, Maura hair brushed her cheek when she leaned forward to kiss Jane. "I wanted to do that all day," she whispered with a smile on her face and Jane relaxed by the smell of Maura's flowery shower gel that still surrounded her.

"C'mere," Jane said and took Maura's hand while she walked around the sofa and sat down on Jane's lap, softly pushing her into the cushions with her weight.

"So..." Jane said when she laid her arms around Maura and pulled her a little closer. "What was it that you said this morning?"

Maura smiled at her and kissed Jane passionately and it took them a while to part again, her cheeks flushed with excitement.

"Something tells me that this is not the first time you've done that..." Jane said teasingly while she kept Maura close.

"Does that bother you?" Maura asked between a few kisses.

"I think it's kinda sexy..." Jane said.

"So..." Maura and her hands slowly slid beneath the fabric of Jane's shirt. "You like the imagination of me being with another woman?"

"Oh shut up," Jane said and sealed her lips with a kiss to keep her from talking for the rest of the night.


	24. The New Girl

_Jane raised her head when she heard the laughter and watched Frost entering the bullpen, talking to another cop; slightly amused by something. _

"_What were you guys laughing about?" Jane wanted to know when Frost sat down in his chair. _

"_I wouldn't call it laughing..." he told his partner. "Just appreciating."_

_Jane raised an eyebrow at him, she still had no idea what was going on; it certainly was something she had missed out on. _

"_Care to tell me what exactly you were 'appreciating'? Not the first time I heard something going on today!"_

"_You didn't meet the new Medical Examiner yet?" he asked and leaned back in his chair. _

"_There's a new one already?" so she had been missing something. "How is he?"_

"She_ is smokin," Frost said with a smile. _

"_She?" Jane asked and looked at him; that explained all the fuzz the guys were making._

"_Yep, our new Medical Examiner is a woman. Came straight from California," he told her. "So I heard."_

"_How is she?" _

"_Mystery," Frost said and shrugged. "Didn't get to talk to her," he said. _

_"You wanna ask her out on a date or what?" she said and laughed. _

"_Who knows," he told Jane and she reminded him that there's an autopsy scheduled in about an hour and she also knew how much Frost hated autopsies. _

"_Does that mean you'll change your attitude when it comes to dead bodies?" she asked with a little mocking in her voice. _

"_I'm not so sure about that," he said. "But she'll be a great distraction."_

_Jane shook her head without another word and closed the file on her desk. The autopsy they'd attend was the one of the twenty-three year old girl they had found in an alley two days ago. There were hardly any leads to follow since there were no witnesses so far and the autopsy was their last hope to get some evidence. As a detective Jane had already attended quite lot of autopsies and she got used to most of it, she just tried to ignore the unpleasant parts and push the pictures out of her mind until the next case kept her so busy that she didn't have time to think about the last one any longer. _

_She got up from her desk to get another cup of coffee and felt a slight hint of dismay spreading inside of her. Something bothered her and she couldn't tell what it was, not for now. When she poured herself a cup of coffee, she thought about Frosts words again and as much as she hated it she knew that the source of her dismay was the fact that their new Medical Examiner was a woman. For a very long time she'd been the first and only woman on the squad and for God's sake it hadn't been easy to get their respect, she still had to face daily challenges because some of the guys thought that she wasn't good enough and they made her proof herself again and again. Jane knew she was good and she got used to it with the time but for some reason it suddenly bothered her that there was another woman._

_A part of Jane knew that it was ridiculous but she didn't remember that no one ever called her 'smokin' when she first started. For a second she thought that she wasn't actually surprised but it still irritated her. Was she really jealous of a woman she had never met? Or did she just feel threatened in some way? She didn't know her but suddenly she couldn't wait for the autopsy to start because she wanted to meet this woman and she wanted to know who she was and what she was like but going to the morgue for no apparent reason just to check up on the new girl was lame and certainly something she wouldn't do. _

"_Why are you so excited?" Frost asked with the hint of a smile on his face when they took the elevator to get down to the morgue. _

"_Just can't wait to get some new leads on the case," she said and bit her lip._

"_Mhm," Frost said without looking at his partner. _

"_What is that supposed to mean?" she asked and turned to look at him._

"_You're curious about her, don't you?"_

"_Well, I haven't been... how did you put it? 'Appreciating' her with my colleagues," Jane reminded him."I just wanna see what she's like..."_

"_Do you feel threatened?" he asked and tried very hard not to laugh._

"_Oh shut up," she said when they exited the elevator and walked into the morgue. _

"_Time to meet the new girl," Frost said and Jane followed him to get scrubbed in. Through the glass she caught a look at the Medical Examiner who was standing with the back to her and all Jane saw was black scrubs and blonde hair falling to her shoulders while the rest was hidden beneath a light blue surgical cap. She was obviously arranging the equipment and the first thing Jane noticed was how neat and organized the autopsy suite suddenly appeared to be. She kept looking at the woman out there and tried to figure out what kind of person she was but she didn't turn around. _

"_You coming or what?" Frost asked and waited by the door though he didn't look as enthusiastic as he had upstairs. She didn't even realize that she was totally lost in thoughts when Frost called her but he was kind enough not to mention it yet._

"_I should be the one asking that question," Jane told him and followed her partner; Korsak had just arrived with a Donut in his hand, looking slightly amused because he knew how much Frost hated attending autopsies; everyone knew. It'd been a running-gag in the bullpen just recently._

"_Ya havin' fun already?" he asked but before Frost had any chance to answer, the Medical Examiner turned around. _

"_Good morning detectives," she said firm but smoothly at the same time. She didn't want them to think that she was unsure about anything although she had just started the job a few days ago. Something told her that the older detective with the donut in his hand had attended his fair share of autopsies during his career and he certainly wouldn't be fooled but she didn't let that impress her in any way because she was the ME after all and they wanted information from her, not vice versa. _

"_I know we haven't met each other but I guess you need anything you can get to keep working on the case so we'll save the formalities for later," she said and uncovered the corpse of Alayna Emmilee Thaker who looked just as pale she she had when they found her body only forty-eight hours ago. "So, Dr. Isles will have to do for now and I'd appreciate if you do not eat in here, Detective Korsak. This is not a theater," she said in the same sentence. She spoke determined and looked at him when she addressed him personally. _

_He obviously felt caught and surprised by the fact that she knew exactly who he was and judging by his reaction he'd never been told that what he was doing right now was actually rather inappropriate and even though this might be his way of dealing with it all by making fun of it, this was still her autopsy suite from now on and she wanted them to obey her rules whenever they came down here. The look on Korsak's face made Jane and Frost chuckle and Jane looked at her feet, half of her face hidden behind a surgical mask. She knew that the mask wasn't really necessary and she kept a fair distance between herself and the body for now but it was always helpful and it did help at least a little with the odors. _

"_Shall we begin?" she said and all three of them knew that this wasn't a question. _

"_Ready when you are," Jane spoke for the first time since she'd entered. _

"_You must be detective Rizzoli," Dr. Isles said without looking up._

"_That'd be me," Jane answered and then the Doctor did look up and looked her way and Jane thought she saw the slightest hint of a smile behind that mask. Without another word, the doctor turned her attention back to the corpse and they all watched silently as she started the examinations on the body; simply asking questions when it appeared absolutely necessary. _

"_There was nothing when you found her?" Dr. Isles asked; she hadn't seen the crime scene and the information that the former Medical Examiner had left her didn't seem to be quite helpful, she just wanted to make sure that he hadn't left out anything that might be of importance to any of them. _

"_The vic was found in an empty alley," Frost explained. "She was found by pedestrians but no one knew a thing and no one heard anything," he said. _

"_How did you manage to identify the _victim_, Detective Frost?" she asked him and noticed that he wasn't to eager when it came to looking at the body in front of her. No one missed the way she stressed the word 'victim' and it was clear to them that she would not tolerate any nicknames or making fun of anyone on her table. If that's what they had to do, they had to do it elsewhere. _

"_She still had her ID," he said and cleared his throat. By the time Dr. Isles started to cut open the body and examine the organs, Frost had gone awfully quiet and Jane herself didn't have much to say either. To her surprise she paid more attention to the ME then to the autopsy itself. The woman was everything she hadn't expected and Jane was very interested in getting to know her better. Jane was fascinated by how confident she appeared and although her work was rather unusual, even disgusting to most of the people she knew, the doctor moved almost gracefully while she performed every necessary task. She spoke softly and calm and Jane liked the way she respected their victims privacy and dignity even post-mortem but all the time Jane couldn't help but ask herself what a woman like Dr. Isles was doing in a morgue, since her appearance just didn't fit the setting and a part of Jane thought that she didn't really belong there although the doctor herself seemed pretty much at ease. She dropped that thought when a voice in the back of her head reminded her of the fact that she was judging the woman by her mere appearance which was something she'd hated with all her heart when she started working as a cop._

_Something told Jane that this wasn't her first job where she was mostly surrounded by men and she knew pretty well how to handle the situation. Jane liked it but the one thing she couldn't deal with was the intelligence and the facts that the doctor kept relying on, somehow Jane felt that she couldn't live up to it and while she left the room to get out of the scrubs, she asked herself if that was really necessary. _

"_What do you think?" Frost asked when the autopsy was finished. She knew he certainly wasn't talking about the victim or any other thing they had just found out about the young girl. _

"_What do you wanna hear?" she asked and dried her hands with a paper towel. "Honestly," Jane said. "I have no idea," she admitted. "I'll meet you upstairs," she told Frost and waited for a minute until the assistant took the body, or what was left of it, out of the room. Jane waited by the door and watched the doctor taking of her gloves. _

"_Is everything alright, detective?" she asked more friendly now and took her mask of so Jane really saw her for the very first time and she immediately thought that Frost was right. She was remarkably beautiful, even as a woman, Jane had to admit that. He might not have been too wrong about California either, according to her tan. _

"_Yes," Jane said and re-entered the autopsy suite. "Hi, I'm Jane Rizzoli," she said and held out her hand. Dr. Isles approached and a smile spread on her face._

"_I'm Maura Isles," she said and took Jane's hand. Much to the detectives surprise her hands were incredibly soft, considering that she was forced to use disinfectant all day._

"_So, how you doing during your first week?" Jane asked and Maura put her hands on the edge of the cold steel of the clean autopsy table. _

"_I can't complain," she said and looked at the detective. "It's different but thank God, human beings are so adaptable," Maura said and smiled. _

"_I see you've got the guys perfectly under control," Jane said and bit her lip. _

"_Oh, I hope that didn't appear to be to rude," she said and Jane realized that she suddenly seemed worried. _

"_Oh no," Jane re-assured her. "I think that's just what they need. Believe me, I've been there."_

"_I didn't plan on ruining the first impression..."_

"_I think you did a very impressionable job," Jane said and felt somewhat nervous._

"_Thank you," Maura said and took a deep breath. A couple of seconds passed in silence and Jane didn't now what to make of it. She didn't seem to be as bad as Jane had assumed at first and she had to admit that it felt nice to talk to another woman at work and about her work. _

"_How come you left California to work here?" Jane asked and Maura laughed at that question. She looked down at her hands; waiting unobtrusively. She seemed so content and free and something told Jane that the laughter came from deep within because this was exactly where she wanted to be and it appeared to be perfect for her, for reasons Jane couldn't even imagine. _

"_It's funny how that's always the first thing people ask me."_

"_Well, it is quite obvious, isn't it?"_

"_Believe it or not," Maura said. "You actually get tired of the sun after a while."_

"_Oh I have a hard time believing that," Jane said and the ME smiled at her._

"_Thank you for asking," she said softly and their eyes locked for an instant. The warmth Jane found in these brown eyes was something she hadn't seen in someone for a very long time. _

Maybe,_ she thought and took a deep breath, feeling a little nervous again. _

"_I guess I'll see you around then, doctor."_

"_Have a nice day," she said and Jane left. Maura stared down at her hands and thought about the little encounter. She was working with the Boston Police Department for four days now and she'd already heard lots of things about detective Jane Rizzoli and now that she finally met her in person, she wasn't sure if even half of the things she heard were actually true. She was the very first person who'd talked to her about something that didn't regard her job. She didn't just ask her because she needed something. She took another deep breath and started to feel that this may have been the right thing after all. Who knew what it was worth for. _

"How are you even awake again?" Maura asked quietly, her voice was still heavy with sleep and she didn't open her eyes. She snuggled up to Jane, enjoying the soothing warmth of body next to her and the steady rhythm of her calm breath, that helped her fall asleep only a few hours before. She turned her head a little; her cheek brushing Jane's shoulder. She felt the weight of her left arm draped across her stomach, keeping her close.

Jane looked at Maura, her eyes had long adjusted to the darkness of the night and she tried not to move so she wouldn't wake her. Before she answered Maura's question, she wondered if she'd fallen asleep again. She reached out and gently touched her girlfriend's cheek, waiting for a reaction, it only took an instant for Maura to smile sleepily.

"I was thinking..." Jane said and laid her head down next to Maura's shoulder.

"What were you thinking about?" Maura asked.

"Talking to my mother," Jane said and Maura remembered that she had never asked her how it went earlier.

"How did it go?" Maura asked turned to her site a little and laid her head on her arm, watching Jane.

"First of all," Jane said quietly. "She wanted to know how you were doing and why I went to Washington..." Jane said and left it at that for a moment while Maura waited, she couldn't imagine that Jane had told her everything so she simply nodded.

"She'd heard lots of things from the cops, of course," Jane said and took a deep breath. "But all I told her was that you almost had been..." She struggled for an instant and it seemed very hard to say it but she didn't have to. Maura understood and snuggled up a little closer. "I told her that you were okay and just needed to get away for a few days and that... I just couldn't leave you all alone with that, so I followed you," Jane explained.

"Thank you," Maura said and looked up at Jane.

"I think that's all she needs to know," Jane said.

"What about Frost, Korsak and Frankie?" Maura asked. "They've been there..."

"They certainly won't be fooled. Frost's dying to ask you some questions," Jane said and Maura smiled.

"I think it's okay to tell them," Maura agreed. "Maybe not every little detail though..." Maura said and leaned in a little closer to put a feather-light kiss on Jane's lips.

"That sounds just right," Jane said and put her right hand on Maura's cheek, gently stroking her soft skin. "But... what about the other officers? There were a few more around."

"They were just... rookies. We'll deny everything they say," Maura said and bit her lip when Jane laughed at this.

"Cheeky," Jane said took Maura's wrist and turned her on the back with her weight and kissed her before she had a chance to protest.

Later that day, they all sat down at a table at the Dirty Robber since there wasn't enough space at their usual booth for all six of them. Maura sat down next to Jane and leaned back in her chair, she wasn't nervous or anything since there wasn't much more to hide but she also couldn't wait for it to be over. For a moment it felt like being questioned but she knew very well how to handle that, she'd been through this many times before.

"So," Frost said and looked at her. "Tell, me how does an NCIS agent end up as a Medical Medical Examiner? Don't get me wrong, you're doing a great job, I'm just trying to understand."

"Let's just say I messed with the wrong people," Maura explained and they all waited for more. She wouldn't go into any unnecessary detail unless she was asked to do so because it felt like she'd told this story far to many times by now and she just didn't want to go there anymore. "When things got worse, I was offered protection which meant a new identity and a new life," she said and sipped her wine. "I couldn't go back to my old job so I needed something else."

"So you just decided to study medicine?" Korsak asked.

"I started studying Medicine years ago but I was bored after a while so I changed my plans and ended up working for the NCIS," she told them and Jane simply listened for now.

"So, how come you ended up with the dead ones?" Frankie wanted to know. "I guess you could've chosen any field you liked."

"True, but don't forget that I was lying all the time," she said and Jane took her hand under the table, holding it empathetically. "I couldn't afford to be in focus or to be surrounded by too many people who would ask too many questions so I figured that working with the dead ones would be the best solution."

"They certainly won't ask questions," Frankie said and Frost laughed.

"That was the point," Maura agreed. "And people tended to leave me alone since they all thought I was a little weird for choosing to work on dead people," she said and she knew exactly that this was what they'd been thinking when they first met her. She could read it in their faces and the way they behaved and innocently smirked at each other just this instant when they thought she wasn't paying attention.

"Oh don't you think I didn't notice that?" she asked the guys. "I know this is what you kept thinking about me when I was the new one around. First of all, I hear people talking," she said and no one said anything while they tried to put on neutral faces. "Second thing is, " she said and raised a finger at them. "I know pretty well what you said and thought about me when I first started!"

She was amused by the expression on their faces because they felt caught but she wasn't mad at them.

"Always knows how to read our expressions," Korsak said and laughed.

"That was part of my training," Maura told them. "I used to be... a high class profiler for the NCIS," she said which certainly impressed the boys but something told Jane that there was more but she didn't want to ask for it now since Maura might've a reason for not giving away this kind of information. "Too bad I can't make use of it during the autopsies," she said and they all laughed. "They won't give too much away..."

"You're welcome to observe our interrogations," Jane said and suddenly it made Maura a little sad that she'd never be able to do it again. Sit down in front of a suspect and do the work she was trained to do; figure out the truth, get them to talk. She was good at it, she knew how to crack them all. She loved the feeling of being in charge, of possessing the power to make them confess in the end. Jane gave her a look from the site, registering that something must've changed but Maura pushed the thought away as quickly as it appeared.

"Thanks," she said and emptied her glass.

"Does anyone want another drink?" Frankie asked and got up.

"I'll take another beer," Jane said.

"Maura?"

"Me too," she said with a smile.

"When did that happen?" Jane asked and looked at her girlfriend. With one single look, Maura reminded Jane that there were many things she still didn't know about her and kept holding her hand out of sight for everyone else.

"I bet Abby's got a lot of interesting thing's to say..." Jane threw in and Maura chuckled.

"You have no idea..." Maura answered quietly without looking at Jane.

"Who's Abby?" Frost.

"She's the NCIS Forensic I worked with," Maura told them. "She wanted to visit me soon, I'm sure you'd like her."

"Can't wait," Jane said. "I bet there are a lot of interesting things to find out..."

"You don't even want to know," Maura said with a smile and quickly tried to think of all the embarrassing things that Abby might know about her. "Oh, one more thing," Maura said when Frankie was back with the drinks. "I'd appreciate if you keep this between us," Maura said. "I don't want everyone to know every little detail."

"Everyone's talking about it," Korsak threw.

"I know, but just because they're talking about it, doesn't mean it's real," she reminded him. "It's fine to let them know what happened at the crime scene, that someone tried to shoot me but I think that's enough."

"But we weren't the only ones at the crime scene..." Frost said and Maura and Jane exchanged a glance, both smiling because they'd discussed that little detail before.

"Just rookies," Jane said. "No offense, Frankie," she added with a look at her baby brother. "We'll just deny everything else..."

All three of them nodded in agreement.

"And I'm still hoping," Maura said. "That they'll lose interest in it as soon as the next rumors come in."

"True," Jane said.

"Can I trust you on that?" she asked and they all knew that they didn't have much of a choice and despite that, no one would dare to mess with Jane and now Maura was one of them and they'd have her back whenever it was needed.

"I'm tired," Jane said when Maura kicked off her heels as soon as she stepped through her front door about two hours later.

"Tell me about it," Maura said and walked into the kitchen to get a glass of water. "You want some?"

"No, thanks," Jane said. "I'll go and change, I need to get out of these clothes." When Jane disappeared into the bathroom, Maura walked into the living and found the box with her belongings on one of the chairs.

She put her glass aside and put the box on a table. She wasn't sure what to do with that stuff and she didn't have much time to think about it since she was back to Boston. After a moment of hesitation, she took the lid of the box and stared at the memories of her old life. She put the photos aside and found what she was looking for. She didn't know why she didn't want to know about her time with the Secret Service, not even Jane knew, but somehow she felt that it was about time. She held the Presidential Medal of Freedom in her hands and got lost in the old memories.

_God, I was so young, _she thought with a trace of sadness when she remembered how she first started. She'd protected the President of the United States among other things and along with the sadness came the pride. For the things she had done and achieved and she couldn't say that she was particularly sad about leaving the Secret Service, it'd been her choice after all.

"Hey," she heard Jane saying softly. She didn't hear her returning; she wrapped her arms around Maura's stomach and laid her head on her shoulder.

"What've you got there?" Jane asked and looked down at the Medal in Maura's hands. She knew she had seen it before but she hadn't paid too much attention to that in Washington. She took the Medal from Maura and looked at it, amazed.

"Wow," she said quietly. She didn't ask Maura what it'd been for but it certainly must've been something great. Even she knew that this was something you didn't get just like that.

"I was trying to figure out what to do with it," Maura said and leaned back a little at Jane's body.

"Can we figure that out tomorrow?" Jane asked and Maura nodded.

"I'll be right back," Maura said and Jane walked into the bedroom, laying down on the right side of the bed just like she had the last two nights and it felt like she'd never done anything else before; like it'd always been like that.

She was secretly in awe of things that the woman she loved had done; a huge part of Maura's life was still a mystery to her and she couldn't wait to find out more although she'd be fine to leave it just like that. She loved Maura the way she was and she couldn't imagine that anything would change that.

"How did you get that?" Jane asked when Maura entered the bedroom and sat down at the edge of the bed.

"I didn't go to NCIS right after quitting Med school," Maura said and Jane approached a little. Maura turned her head and looked at Jane behind her. "I was a Secret Service Agent," she said and laughed out look when she saw the look on Jane's face.

"You kidding me, are you?" she asked and Maura shook her head, then she leaned back and her head rested against Jane's hip.

"I was assigned to the safety of President Bush," she told Jane.

"That, I certainly haven't expected," Jane admitted. "I'm impressed."

"It was pretty dangerous sometimes, but that was part of the job and I did have a nice time."

"What made you quit?"

"I had an affair with a colleague which was considered very inappropriate so I quit before they fired me for disobeying the rules."

"Look at you," Jane said with a laugh. "Seems like there's a lot I don't know... Did anyone find out?"

"No," Maura said and turned on her side to look at Jane. "Truth came out during a case, which also explained how I ended up working for the NCIS."

"Tell me," Jane said and waited.

"It happened at an Air Force One flight with the President, on our way to a conference when a Navy commander died after dining with him," she explained and closed her eyes to remember what had happened back then. "We had an emergency landing to make sure everyone was fine and that the President was safe and suddenly I had the NCIS stepping in, wanting to take over the case," she said and took a deep breath. "I wasn't too happy with it since I was the one who was responsible for the safety and it was my case," Maura said. "I had it all under control."

"I bet you did."

"That's when I first met Gibbs, and let me tell you... It wasn't like we hit it off from the moment we met."

"What happened then?"

"We flew back to Washington and they started the investigation," she said. "God, it's so long ago I hardly remember it all."

"The problem was, that they found out that I had an affair with the dead navy commander."

"That made you a suspect," Jane said.

"Exactly," Maura agreed. "That's why I had to co-operate."

"How did you get out of it?"

"Turned out that the commander was poisoned to force the President to change to another plane with different safety arrangements," Maura told Jane. "That's what we did and there was a killer disguised as a reporter, he tried to kill the President with the armaments but Gibbs was quicker."

"I can't believe this," Jane said with a smile.

"Well, I resigned when this was over and then Gibbs offered me the job and I took it."

"Just like that?"

"Yes, I mean, what else was I going to do?"

"True," Jane said and yawned. "I think this is as much information as I can take for tonight," she said and waited for Maura to switch off the lights and get back to bed.


	25. Crashing

**A/N: I'm so glad to be able to give you an update after all! So sorry! And... in case you didn't know, the story was nominated for a Rizzles fan award for best crossover, so thanks a lot if you voted for me x**

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><p>It appeared unusually quiet in the house this morning and a smile crossed Maura's face as she waited for the coffee to finish. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, there was nothing nicer then the smell of fresh coffee in the morning. She used to enjoy these little moments and that feeling slowly returned with every day that passed, every day that took her farther away from her past and from everything that'd been so hard on her. She wasn't on her own any more; she finally had someone to share all the secrets with. She had people in her life that she trusted and she learned to love without the fear that had come along with it all those years.<p>

She laughed quietly to herself when she watched the dark liquid pour into the cup and for once, she didn't envy Jane for the job she had. She wasn't sure what time it was when Jane got up but something told her it was before 7am because of an internal meeting.

"Hey there," Maura said and crouched down to put some food in front of Bass. After regarding the tortoise for a few seconds, she got up and opened the door to the garden. The sun was already high and Maura sensed that the forecasted heat wave was just announcing itself. It was only a matter of days until the heat wave would numb the city and slow down every day life.

She quickly considered whether it was necessary to buy a few more bottles of water in advance but shrugged it off a few instants later; that wasn't the first time that the city had gone through a hard summer and she couldn't think of a year when they'd actually run out of fresh water.

By the time she was about to leave, she thought of all the changes that had happened in her life again recently. She looked down at her feet and the high heels she'd just slipped in. She laughed when she noticed that she didn't have to wear them any longer. She never considered that kind of shoes comforting when she was doing her job; in fact she remembered the first time she'd turned up at a crime scene with Gibbs, wearing high heels and he wasn't pleased with it. She knew she wouldn't try that again. At some point the shoes became a part of her disguise; shoes that weren't too bad for the kind of job she was doing but certainly not favorable. They certainly would've asked questions when she suddenly turned up in sneakers when all they knew was Maura Isles; now they would regard her twice but some of them might understand why there was that sudden change. Since the shoes was all she had right now, and she had plenty of pairs, she kept them on nonetheless and made a mental note to go shopping for shoes at some point this week. As she grabbed her purse, she wondered if Jane was in for it. There was a slight hint of doubt about that but then again she wanted new sneakers, not high heels.

She opened the door and frightened when she suddenly ran into someone. She took a step back and felt a hint of fear rushing through her body because there was a single second when she'd lost control of the situation and an idea of what was going on and most important, who she just ran into.

"Woah, sorry," he said and reached out to hold Maura's arm. She knew that voice, she knew it very well and it was the very last one she had expected.

"Tony?" she asked and looked at him. He looked better then the last time she'd seen him and she suddenly thought of the conversation they had and how he'd just left the room; disappointed and maybe even hurt but too proud to admit it. She saw none of that now; he smiled at her and he laughed at the look on her face.

"Come on, I don't look that bad," he said and smiled.

"I'm sorry... it's just... I didn't expect you," she said. "And you just nearly knocked me over."

"Well, technically it was you... I was just waiting."

"Very funny," she said and checked her watch. "Do you... want to come in?" she thought and told herself that none of her patients would die if she showed up a little late. She had no idea what he wanted or what she was going to say but stepped aside to let him in.

"I hope I'm not keeping you from something," he said and walked past her. "I probably should've called."

"Don't worry," Maura said and closed the door behind him, dropping her purse where she'd just picked it up. "Do you want something to drink?"

"No thanks," he said and turned around. "That's a nice place," he said and sat down on one of the chairs beside the counter.

"Thank you," she said and still wondered why he was in her living room.

"I came to apologize."

"You could've called," she said with a smile and hoped that it didn't come across in a rude way. For some reason his presence made her nervous now and she thought of Jane. There were still parts of her past that she had no clue about and one part was sitting right in front of her.

"You came all the way to Boston to tell me that you're sorry?" she asked and started to make another cup of coffee because she had no idea how long this would take and she'd be late anyways.

"No," he said and leaned back. "That'd be a lie. I'm doing some research on a case," he said and she nodded, waiting for more.

"I'm sorry I left you just like that," he said a little softer and she remembered the times when she'd been with him many years ago and he'd talk to her in the middle of the night. How she'd missed that when she'd been lonely all those years but now, she once again realized that it was nothing but her past. There was nothing but the hope for an on-going friendship left.

"I should've stayed and talked to you," he said.

"Maybe," she simply answered because she was trying to find a way into the conversation; trying to find a way to make herself feel less nervous. "I can't say it enough but a part of me understands that you're angry and disappointed but... maybe it's time to move on."

"I know," he said and looked at her and there was a sudden distance between them. "It's probably for the best."

"It's been so long, Tony," Maura told him and put her cup down. "Instead of being angry that I died to save my life, shouldn't you be happy that I'm still alive after all?"

"I am," he said. "I really am but all the time that you were gone I was hoping that there was something wrong about this," he said and shrugged. "I tried to forget and keep you in mind the way you were. Keep the memories that we shared and suddenly you were back and... everything was different."

"I never regretted any of it," Maura said honestly. It happened a few weeks after she had accepted the job with the NCIS. She almost laughed at the irony of the whole situation because this had been the very reason she'd been forced to quit her job and there she'd been, doing the same again. She'd never wanted any of this to happen, not after all the trouble but against all odds she'd been drawn to him and he'd made no secret out of the fact that he'd liked her. She'd tried to resist for a few weeks until her feelings had ruled out her actions. The affair had lasted a couple of weeks and they'd tried to be as discreet as possible and although Gibbs had always told them that he would fire anyone who had an affair with one of the colleagues, they'd never found out if he knew. It'd been the best for both of them to stop things before it got too complicated and although it'd been a mutual agreement, the two of them knew that it'd never been entirely over they just hadn't been in any kind of position to do anything about it.

"I had a wonderful time when I was with you," she told him. "But we both knew it had to end."

"Gibbs would've killed us..."

"This had never really been about Gibbs, Tony. It'd been about us," she said and he knew that their boss had simply been a way to avoid the obvious; the fact that it would never have worked out between them.

"It wouldn't have worked out," he finally said and admitted what she'd been thinking all along.

"I wanted to believe it, but..." she said and took a deep breath and shook her head.

"I'm sorry I walked out on you," he said. "I just hope that it didn't ruin anything we had left."

She took deep breath and felt a feeling of relief kicking in. "It didn't," she said and smiled softly.

"I'm glad to hear that," he said and smiled at her.

"If you won't do that again..." she warned him, though not entirely serious.

She was about an hour late when she was finally on her way to work; she felt eerily calm and sad in some way. She thought about the things that had changed with those few words they'd exchanged earlier. It was the very first time they'd addressed the truth and faced it. That was something she didn't think of when she'd been lonely after leaving Washington. She missed him so much and a part of her regretted that they wouldn't get a chance to clear the air and now that they made a first move she was relieved but sad in a way. She couldn't explain that feeling because there was nothing but friendship left for him and she loved Jane, she knew it with all her heart.

Maybe it was just the impact of having another chapter of her past closed. With a taste of bitterness, she remembered the kiss. She'd never told Jane and although a part of her thought that she doesn't have to because she hadn't been in any kind of relationship with Jane back then but the other part still thought that she owed her girlfriend the truth, not knowing how it would affect their relationship.

She asked herself if that was the reason why Tony's presence had made her feel uncomfortable earlier. There was nothing wrong with having a friend over for a chat but Jane might get a wrong impression if she found out about their past and the fact that Maura, who was known for her punctuality was late because of him.

She didn't know if she was just being complicated when it came to the whole thing. Maybe she thought about it too much or interpreted way too much into it. Maybe Jane wasn't bothered by that at all, but what if she was? When she pulled up in front of the BPD, the nervousness was back.

_What if?_

She hardly ever had an argument with Jane, in fact she only remembered two times of not talking to Jane for a few days unless it wasn't absolutely necessary since their jobs required that they did so. They'd gotten through this but then again those arguments had never really been that personal. She took a deep breath and got out of her car, wondering if Jane's meeting was over by now.

Maura didn't have time to see if she was done and walked straight toward the elevators; everyone in the morgue was at work already and her assistant looked up from the computer screen when she walked by.

"Morning Dr. Isles," he said and she nodded. She sighed at the sight of the amount of paperwork on her desk and put her lab coat on. Maura sat down in her chair and leaned back, trying to focus on her job and nothing else. After a while she noticed that it took her too long to read through all the letters on her desk and that she kept going back to the encounter with Tony. She needed a change and stepped out of her office; there was no body waiting and she still had a few minutes to compare a couple of results before she signed the paper off.

"Morning," Jane said when she walked through the glass doors.

"Hey," Maura said and looked up from her paperwork for just a second. "How was your meeting?" she asked and signed the letter she'd just been checking.

"Nothing special. Just an update on those fires downtown."

"You still don't have an idea who's behind this?" Maura asked and looked at Jane.

"Not so far," she answered. "Still working on it."

"Let's hope that'll be solved before anyone gets killed," she said and nodded toward the fridge in the back. "I've got enough on my plate here."

Jane gave her a short smile and leaned against the cold steel table. She was curious why Maura was about an hour late because that's never been the case, not with a profound reason. What kept her from asking was the fact that she didn't want it to sound like she was controlling her in some way.

"How was your morning?" Jane asked instead and followed Maura into her office.

"Quiet," Maura said and smiled though I didn't last long.

"What are you thinking about?" Jane asked because she knew that something was up with her girlfriend.

"Nothing..." she said and sat down. "It's just... Tony dropped by this morning," she told Jane and waited for a reaction.

"Just like that?" Jane asked. "What did he want?"

"He came to apologize because he just left the last time we talked," Maura said and realized that she didn't tell Jane about this.

"Why would he do that?" Jane wanted to know. "What happened?"

Maura sighed and laid her face in her hands.

"We had... some... sort of an argument," Maura started, trying to find the right words to explain her former relationship with Tony.

"He wasn't too happy when he found out that I was alive and I don't blame him somehow."

"Don't say that," Jane said.

"He has a point. It'd been a very hard time for him and just as he was about to cope, I was back again. I brought back every single feeling he tried to forget so hard and suddenly I was there and everything was different," Maura explained and Jane waited. Something told her that Maura was withholding information.

"He was disappointed and... hurt and I understand that," she said and Jane nodded. She couldn't tell how she would feel if it was her in that situation. "I mean, I'm a different person now... I wasn't the person he... had once known, any longer."

"What kind of relationship did you and Tony have before all of this happened?" Jane asked quietly and was trying not to make it sound like she was judging or even accusing her of anything.

"Well," Maura said and sighed again. She leaned her face on her hand and bit her lip before she told Jane. There was no getting out of it now and she'd have to tell her the truth at some point. "We had an affair if that's what you're asking," Maura said quietly and looked at Jane. "Many years ago. It lasted just a couple of weeks and started a little while after I started working with the NCIS. I never wanted any of this to happen," she said and shrugged. "But it just did."

"Why did it end?" Jane asked although there was another question on her mind that she didn't dare to ask.

_Did it ever end?_

"We kept pretending that our jobs had been the main reason but in the end we both knew it'd never been supposed to work out. I don't know why, we had a nice time but there was always something missing," Maura told Jane and held her gaze.

_Something that I finally found with you._

"I kissed him," Maura said quietly and something told Jane that she wasn't talking about the afraid they'd been having years ago but about something more recent, what was the point in telling her if that wasn't the case?

She closed her eyes for a brief moment and tried to process the information; she felt a mixture of jealousy, anger and disappointment flushing her body although she had no idea what had happened exactly.

"Not this morning," Maura quickly said when she noticed Jane's reaction. "No, no," Maura said and got up to stand right in front of the detective. "No, I would never do that," she said softly.

"Why are you telling me this?" Jane wanted to know; taking a deep breath.

"Because I feel like I owe you the truth, I don't want to lie to you, Jane."

"When?" she simply asked.

Maura shook her head; trying to remember the exact moment without wanting too much detail.

"Just... a couple of days after you found out who I was, I guess..." she laid her head in her neck and closed her eyes for a moment. "Everything was so difficult and confusing. I felt lost and I didn't know what I wanted and how much I'd have left after that night... and he just showed up." 

"And you couldn't think of a better idea then kissing him?"

"Not for what I needed," Maura admitted. "It was a rather one-sided selfish act," she told Jane who raised an eyebrow at her.

"I was confused and I kissed him because I had to make sure that there was not a single feeling left for him and there wasn't... because even back then, when we never talked about it, or didn't even talk at all for that matter, I knew that you were the only person I wanted," she said softly and hoped that Jane would be okay with this information but she knew her well enough to give her some space to let that sink in. "That was the reason why he was so angry with me," Maura said when Jane kept quiet. "I knew he still had feelings for me, even after all this years because I brought it all back when I walked back into his life but he knew that he didn't have a chance."

Maura took Jane's hand and waited.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"I gotta go now," Jane said quietly. "I'll see you later."

"Okay," Maura answered without looking at Jane and waited until she left her office. Instead of feeling better once the truth was out, all she felt was the heaviness on her shoulders that left her angry with her; for kissing him and for telling Jane. A part of her knew that she couldn't make it undone and after a while it'd simply be a part of her past that she'd eventually forget about. One of the many things that had gone wrong with the years but all she had to do was believe that it had all been done for a reason.

She knew it wasn't such a big deal after all and all she could do was hope that Jane wouldn't be too mad once the information had settled in and she'd think about it again. Maura didn't lie and maybe Jane would understand that sooner or later. A couple of minutes later, Maura still stood where she'd been since Jane left. She was lost in thoughts and couldn't be bothered to sit down. She didn't know what to do, leave Jane alone for a while until she calmed down or face her right now and risk that the whole thing would end up even worse?

She was still busy with her own thoughts that she had no idea what was happening a few stories above her.

Maura looked into the autopsy suit and her gaze wandered to the fridge where a few bodies still awaited her attention. She knew that the only thing that used to take her mind off things was her work and the fact that she needed all her concentration to get things right and to make sure that she didn't miss a single thing. She worked thoroughly and ever gentle to meet every victim, every human being with the deserved respect. She sighed and changed into her scrubs. She enjoyed the coolness of the clothes against her skin and didn't even want to imagine how hot and dry the air would be outside by now. She told her assistant to prepare the autopsy and paced through her office until everything seemed perfect for a start. It was 11.19am and there was no way she'd be done before lunch; depending on what she found during the autopsy it'd last a lot longer then lunchtime. She didn't mind skipping lunch since she didn't feel hungry at all after the encounter with Jane.

The first body was a man in his early fifties.

_Car accident,_ Maura read and asked herself if he'd been just the victim or the driver though that didn't matter in the end. She made sure that everything was the way it was supposed to be before she made the first incision and soon she switched off every possible feeling and her focus went back to her work. By the time she finished the autopsy, which didn't reveal anything suspicious and confirmed the assumption that he'd simply died of major internal injuries. It was quiet when she abandoned her scrubs once again and tried to decide what to do with her afternoon. As she sat in her office once again to finish the paperwork for the autopsy she'd just performed, she felt the emptiness kicking in. It suddenly seemed very exhausting and she was dying to see Jane.

Her heart beat a little faster when she entered the bullpen, trying to imagine how Jane might react when she saw her but when she arrived, she found the detective's desk unoccupied.

"You looking for Jane?" Korsak asked and Maura turned to her left. She hadn't seen him sitting behind his desk when she walked in because all she could think about was Jane.

"Oh... I'm... yes," she said and tried to focus. How much did he notice? "I didn't know she was gone already."

"They're out at a crime scene," he said and watched her over the edge of the mag he was reading.

The first question that came to her mind was why no one had called her to that crime scene.

"There's no dead body for now," Korsak said and she reminded herself to work on her poker face.

"Why are they out if there's no victim?"

"I don't know but I think it might be connected to one of their cases," he told her. "The fires downtown," he added and Maura nodded.

"Thanks," she said and turned around to leave. What the hell was going on there? There had been a couple of fires in different warehouses when they'd been to Washington and since then there had been a few more here and there though it seemed a little difficult to determine whether it was actually a part of their case or just a copycat who thought that a little attention was fun.

The walk to her car suddenly appeared to be a thousand miles long. The heat hit her like a slap in the face as soon as she stepped out of the cool building. The heat was radiating from the burning pavement and she wondered if the heatwave finally reached the city or if the worst was yet to come. She opened the door on the driver's side and waited until there was a little bit of oxygen inside. In the heat of the moment she called Jane, waiting for her to pick up but even after about two minutes, she didn't pick up the phone and Maura didn't feel like leaving a message either.

_Did she just ignore me or did something keep her from taking the call?_

The first thing Jane did when she got home in the early evening was take a shower to wash away the smell of smoke that had infiltrated her clothes at the warehouse, the heat made her clothes stick to her skin and now that it was quiet after all, she felt the thoughts flooding her mind and she had no strength left to keep them out any longer. She hated the fact that Maura once had an affair with Tony, there was just something about it that made her feel a tiny bit jealous although she knew she had no reason to be. It happened long before she had known Maura; a time when the person she knew didn't even exist. Jane sighed and stepped into the shower and closed her eyes for a couple of seconds. Maura was right, they kissed when none of them even imagined being in a relationship. She'd been a free woman with the right to do whatever she wanted.

_I knew you were the only person I wanted_, she heard Maura's voice and felt a soothing warmth spreading inside her body. Something she'd only felt when she was with Maura. She had once lost that woman and Jane knew that she couldn't risk it all just because of something that had happened many years ago or out of sheer desperation.

Just as she was about to get a cold beer out of the fridge, she heard a knock on her door. She was happy to see Maura on her doorstep though she couldn't show it at that moment.

"You gonna let me in?" she asked and walked past Jane when she stepped aside. As soon as she closed the door, Maura turned around and grabbed Jane's wrist, gently pushing her against the door.

Being this close to Jane made it hard to focus but this was exactly what she wanted and needed.

"I'm sorry Jane," she whispered and leaned in closer; Jane's breath burning hot on her cheek. "That's all I have to say. I can't make it undone," she spoke slowly, taking in each heartbeat; the warmth between their bodies.

"I know," Jane answered and her hands wandered up her girlfriend's spine, resting in her neck. She breathed against her lips, slightly trembling and kissed Maura passionately, making it clear that she'd be the only one to kiss her from now on. Maura opened her lips, deepening the kiss with every inch of her body. She felt a slight trace of sweat covering her body, panting for air between their kisses. One by one, she opened the buttons of her shirt, her eyes never leaving Jane; waiting for her to follow.


	26. Burning

**A/N: I'm finally back. Writing suddenly seemed so hard but I'm trying to find my way back... x**

* * *

><p>Darkness.<p>

There would always be darkness; no matter where you look. You'll always find darkness during the night. Even during the summer months, the daylight eventually surrendered and made way for the endless darkness of the night. It only lasted a couple of hours though it may last forever sometimes. There was darkness in everyone's life. Things we did and things we regret. Mistakes we made, lies we told.

All Jane could think of at this moment was the mistakes she had made. The worst one was not listening to her partner who had told her not to enter the building; she didn't accuse him of not having her back in this. She'd been determined to make her way out safely on her own.

As the flames danced furiously around her, all she saw was the darkness in front of her. The spitting of the flames seemed louder with every passing second and she didn't know where she was. Jane couldn't remember where she came from, suddenly everything looked the same and there didn't seem to be a way out. Her heart was racing in her chest, panic was seeping through and she couldn't move. She knew she had to find a way out, it was just a matter of minutes until the building would collapse above her. She looked up to the ceiling but couldn't make out an end; all she saw was thick smoke and darkness. She tried to move forward, trying to be careful but she could hardly breathe. Her lungs were aching from the effort and the need for fresh air and oxygen. She moved forward, the heat burning in her eyes, blurring her vision.

Why was there no one to help? Did they even know she was in here? She felt the sobs coming, her eyes filling with tears; the sweat running down her face. The heat was burning on her face and she could hardly move her fingers any longer.

Where did she come from? Nothing looked familiar any longer but she knew she had to go somewhere, she needed to find a way out. She heard something break and instantly tried to protect her head with her arms while she ducked down, knowing that the fire would grant her no mercy.

Out of habit she took a deep breath, somehow hoping that it'd help to focus but the coughs and the feeling of being choked brought her to her knees and left her almost too weak to get up again. She felt the hot air burning in her nose and her lungs.

Maura, she thought. Was she out there? Did she see her going in? Jane couldn't remember, she didn't even remember the reason she went into the burning hell. All she knew is that it made her furious and desperate now that there didn't seem to be a way out. What was the last thing she said to Maura?

Did I tell her that I love her? She thought and the pain in her chest was even worse by then. Why did I never tell her that I love her. She knew it but Jane never said the words. She wanted time; time to grow and finally be able to tell Maura how she felt and that she loved her with all her heart and now it was too late.

I just found you, she thought. We didn't have enough time, she thought again. There's so much I wanna tell you, so much that you need to know.

The tears streamed down her face, mixing with the sweat and the dirt on her face. We didn't have time, she whispered again and again. There was no one who heard her; there was nothing but the cracking of the never ending fire.

I'm sorry, she whispered to herself. I'm so sorry, Maura.

She closed her eyes, listened to the sound of her blood rushing in her ears. The pounding of her own heart. She was terrified and suddenly it started to sink in. She would die in here, there was no way out and she didn't have any strength left to leave on her own. She had no idea where she was and going in even farther would only make it worse if that was possible. For just a brief second she was alert and looked into the darkness ahead.

Did she hear something? Did she hear someone talking or was it just her own voice that she had heard. She didn't know if she was hallucinating already or if there'd been someone somewhere close. With that tiny spark of hope that suddenly flared up inside of her, she opened her mouth and tried to scream. She tried so hard but there was no sound and no matter how many times she tried, she couldn't scream. There was no sound coming out of her mouth.

And all there was left in the end was darkness.

"Jane?" she heard her saying a little louder each time she said her name. "Jane!" she said and sounded worried.

Jane knew that voice and she heard her, from far away at first. She wanted to move, open her eyes and look at her but she couldn't. She wasn't strong enough to get out of it, no matter how hard she tried.

"Jane," she heard her name again and a cool hand touched her face. "Wake up," Maura whispered.

Maura, Jane thought. She's here. She tried to open her eyes again and slowly she returned to reality. She wasn't dead but what about the fire? She didn't know where she was when she finally opened her eyes but she was breathing and that was all that mattered.

"Maura," she whispered but there was hardly any sound, her throat was dry.

"It's okay, Jane," Maura said quietly and sat down on the edge of the bed next to her. "I'm here, it was just a nightmare," she told Jane and wiped a few hairs out her face, it was covered with a thin layer of sweat. Jane put her hand on Maura's and kept it in place. She stared at the ceiling and her eyes filled with tears, streaming down at each side of her face while she waited for the shock to settle. She'd had nightmares before but it'd never been so real. She didn't remember a time when it took her so long to calm down after waking up. What she didn't have back then was something to lose; it was the one thing that made everything so terrifying. The very reason that her deepest fears took over her body while she was sleeping. It was the fear of losing the person she loved.

"I'll get you something to drink," Maura said and Jane didn't move for a few seconds after Maura left the room. She closed her eyes again, taking a deep breath; one after another. She filled her lungs with fresh and cool air, getting calmer with every time she inhaled. She looked down her own body; she was naked except for a little bit of white fabric that covered her legs. The windows in the bedroom were wide open but there was hardly any breeze. Though it was night time, the air was still too warm to grant you a bit of a change.

Jane turned on her left side and wrapped her arms around Maura's pillow. She inhaled the sweetness of her perfume, the warmth where here body had recently been. She recalled the last few hours in her mind.

_She kissed Maura the way she'd never kissed anyone before. She still felt that hint of jealousy and she wanted to make a point. But most of all she wanted Maura. Her hands trembled slightly when she opened the buttons of Maura's shirt one by one; her hands on the bare skin of her hips. For just one second she seemed unsure about the next step but pushed her doubts aside to let herself be led by her heart._

The way Maura had made her feel. She had loved her with every part of her body, she had made her shiver and scream. There had been gentle and passionate moments; seconds of silence without the need of words to be spoken. For a very long time Jane had fought to find someone who would make her feel this way but she had always failed to find someone who had eased the emptiness that had settled with the years. She had felt lots of things but she had always felt that there was something missing; after all these years she had finally managed to fill the emptiness with her love.

_She slightly parted her lips, a soft moan escaping her lips. Her hands dug into the sheets; every nerve of her body was on fire. She pulled Maura close, engaging her in a kiss that seemed endless. The need for air was the only thing that forced them to part for a second. Jane didn't want it to end, she wanted to savor every touch before it passed. She felt safe and content, eerily calm and breathless at the same time._

She'd enjoyed every second but now that she laid in bed alone, it made her very sad.

_What if?_ She asked herself.

She knew she shouldn't torture herself with these thoughts but now she felt so emotionally fragile that she couldn't keep it from invading her mind. She was in a sleepy haze, trying to focus. Jane felt slightly dizzy and wondered if she actually got enough sleep the last days. How many crime scenes had she been to? Did she get enough sleep and most important, did she drank plenty of water? Given the circumstances she wasn't in the mood to laugh at herself because these were the kind of things that her mother would ask and she had always hated it.

She didn't turn around when Maura re-entered the room; she walked around the bed and sat down on her side of the bed now with a glass of water in her hand. Jane looked at her and remembered how lucky she was. Maura wasn't wearing any make-up and for once her tin freckles were visible; her hair was nothing but a mess. There were no fancy clothes but a simple sheet wrapped around her. To Jane, she'd never been more beautiful.

"Drink it," Maura said softly and Jane knew that a part of the Medical Examiner wanted to ask her if she had had enough to drink recently but she knew better then to ask. "What happened?" she asked quietly when Jane had emptied the glass and looked at her hands.

The brunette took a deep breath and bit her lip; she didn't know what to say and it seemed too early to talk about it. She shook her head wordlessly; she held out her hand for Maura and leaned into her when she took it. She laid her head on Maura's shoulder who wrapped her arms around Jane. A couple of seconds passed with nothing but the sound of their breathing disturbing the silence.

"I can't," she whispered and closed her eyes; breaking out in sweat.

_What the hell is wrong?_ she asked herself. She still felt a little dizzy when she raised her head from Maura's shoulder. She looked into Maura's eyes and softly caressed her cheek as she watched the sudden confusion turn into adoration. She wanted to tell her so many things but words failed her for a moment until she knew what she really wanted and that there was no need for many words.

"I love you," she whispered without losing Maura out of sight for an instant. "I love you so much," she said again and a smile spread on her lips. It suddenly seemed so easy and she couldn't understand why it had appeared so hard in the first place.

"I love you too," Maura said and raised her head to kiss Jane. She smiled at her and Jane laid back; snuggling up to Maura. She took a deep breath and held Maura's hand in her own, watching them until she drifted off to sleep.

The next time Maura opened her eyes she was blinded by the bright sunlight that flooded the room through the open window. She blinked and kept her eyes closed; the sun was pretty warm already. She didn't move and a smile crossed her lips.

"I love you," she heard Jane's voice and bit her lip. It made her want to scream with joy but she kept it to herself since she didn't want to wake Jane. She was happy in a way she hadn't been in many years and it felt wonderful.

The seconds passed in silence and Maura was torn between giving Jane a few more minutes of sleep and waking her up just to talk to her. She quietly counted to sixty before she turned around and caught a glimpse at the alarm clock. It wasn't even 7am but she couldn't sleep any longer. She fell back into the cushions, knowing that there was no way she'd go back to sleep.

"Why are you awake?" Jane wanted to ask when she felt Maura moving beside her. She couldn't open her eyes; she felt worse then last night and something told her that it wasn't just the nightmare that had flustered her earlier. Her throat was dry and she could hardly swallow because it hurt so much.

"Did I wake you?" Maura asked. She knew the answer and wasn't particularly sorry either. "Sorry."

"Mhm," was all Jane could manage without opening her mouth.

"Good morning," Maura said softly and kissed Jane's forehead, immediately noticing that it was way too hot even with the temperatures outside. "You're hot," Maura said and Jane forced her eyes open, the slightest of smiles on her lips. "No, I mean it," Maura said and sounded a little worried. "You're hot," she repeated and sat upright, gently placing a hand on Jane's forehead.

"You're running a temperature," Maura told Jane and the lack of protest told the doctor that Jane was seriously knocked out for now. She got up to fetch her clothes and thought of telling Jane not to go anywhere though she dropped since she'd hardly go anywhere at all for now. "I'll be right back," she told Jane. "I just need to get something from the car."

She was back in less then three minutes with a glass of water and a clinical thermometer. "You need to drink," Maura said and handed her the glass of water. "Put this under your tongue and keep your mouth closed," she told Jane and handed her the thermometer.

"102.2 °F," Maura read after a while. "Does anything else hurt?"

"Everything," Jane whispered and slightly winced at the pain; Maura had to admit that she looked and sounded awful.

"We need to take you to the doctor," Maura said and got up.

"You are a doctor," Jane whispered and carefully sat upright.

"My patients are all dead," she reminded her girlfriend and smiled at it because this was usually Jane's line. "And I can't prescribe you any medication. I'll get some clothes," she said when she remembered that Jane was still naked beneath the covers. She leaned back and waited with her eyes closed; she didn't remember the last time she'd felt so awful and all she wanted to do was sleep. While Maura picked up the clothes that still lay on the floor she thought that the best thing to do was to take Jane to her place. It seemed easier since she could as well do some work from home if that was necessary though she wouldn't tell Jane about her plans for now. The Jane she knew probably wouldn't want her to make such a fuzz out of it but things changed in such a condition but she didn't want to push it for now but what she knew is that the last thing Jane wanted was having her mother around for now and it was quite likely for Angela to show up unannounced and finding her daughter in such a condition certainly wouldn't make her leave. It probably was the best thing for everyone now.

"You really don't have to do that," Jane said weakly when she laid down on Maura's bed, her heart hammering against her chest. She closed her eyes and couldn't believe that the short walk from the car to Maura's bedroom had exhausted her so much.

"Don't be stupid," Maura said softly and at down next to her. "You have to take the antibiotics three times a day and you should try to have something to eat," Maura said and asked herself if Jane already fell asleep.

"Not hungry," she said quietly.

"You want me to stay with you?" Maura asked and Jane shook her head a little.

"I'll be okay," she said and tried to clear her throat. "I'll be asleep," Jane said and tried to smile.

"I could work from here," Maura suggested.

"Maur," Jane said quietly. "It's okay."

"You call me when you need anything?" Jane nodded.

"Okay," Maura sighed and accepted Jane's wish not to stay home but remained seated on the bed.

"Just a damn cold," Jane said when she noticed that Maura didn't move.

"You're right," Maura said and kissed Jane on the forehead. "I'll be back as soon as I can."

She didn't like the thought of being off to work for a couple of hours with Jane being sick but she was right. There was nothing she could do for now except waiting for the antibiotics to work. She'd be back as soon as possible. She thought of Jane being so weak was weird because she wasn't used to see her like this but by the time she entered the headquarters her mind was forced to switch to the things that happened right in front of her; taking her far away from Jane.


End file.
